I have a disturbing confession.. please HELP no bashing! *update *
Ever since I had DD (She is 10 weeks old) I have started to develop these weird thoughts that never stop... thoughts about her getting hurt or dying... its NOT ME thinking of doing anything to her intentionally, but rather, what could happen if, if, if... and I can't sop it and its really starting to bother me. I thought at first it was normal new mom paranoia and a healthy way for my brain to always be on pointe with safety (like don't leave em on a changing table and walk away, etc...)
But now EVERYTHIG I do, I have these fleeting thoughts enter my head, like Final Destination... I have these visions of her tumbling down the stairs, falling out a window, drowning in her baby tub, carrying her and tripping and falling (that's the worst one in the past week) and I'm consumed with these thoughts.
I had her in her carseat in the backseat the other day and for no reason at all, I suddenly imagined a tanker truck coming along and smashing into the back of the car and crushing her... why the hell do I think things like this? It makes me want to throw up, the thought of her being hurt. I can't stand it.
Its weird because it doesn't really equate to a fear of going out or taking her places, giving her a bath, etc. But I dont like that my mind is forcing these thoughts of her being injured or dead. Its really disturbing to me and I can't turn it off.
Please will someone tell me what's going on. :(
**So I tried to talk to DH last night, and he was initially not very understanding and didn't comprehend the whole PPD thing (he's somewhat of a simpleton) but eventually just told me that whatever I need to do to make myself better, to do it. So I'm going to call my OB today and see if they have a recommendation for a therapist.
I want to take the opportunity to give thanks to each and every one of you for taking time out of your day to respond so nicely and with such support. I thought for sure someone would say I'm an unfit parent. (Well, this is MC, I can't imagine why LOL) but thank you again and I apologize if I don't have time to write everyone who offered PM's. .. I'm trying!**