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I am so frustrated!!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 45 Replies
I need to vent, seriously.

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, living with him and his kids and my and my dd. the kids call me their stepmom but I hate the term. We do have a living, happy home... Except:

My dd is older which has problems of it's own.
But my boyfrirnd's dd's are younger, ages 5 to 9. Now don't get me wrong, they are good kids. But because I didn't raise them, and don't raise them, it can be so frustrating that they were not taught things that I would have.
It's so damn frustrating that nothing is ever put away. I buy soaps, toiletries, band-aids, silverware, just things in general and it goes missing. It can be found in a variety of places, you know kids it's nothing surprising where you find things.
We all live together, we get the kids about 60% so it's not as if this is a foreign home to them. It's clean when they're not here and when they do come back, the house looks like a damn tornado hit it.
I HATE the fact that I need to clean and put stuff away but all I'm doing is cleaning up after them. My boyfriend and his BM asked from the beginning that I don't discipline the kids and I won't step on their toes with that. I respect that.

But then here I am biting my tongue wondering how we went from 50 forks to 3. Wondering where the band-aids I just bought are. Finding a bunch of moldy smelling rags that were thrown in a corner. Dirty underwear in their bathroom. Their hair stuff on my bed. Their folded clothes around their room. Their toothbrush on the floor in my restroom. Empty water bottles in my room. Even the boyfriend can't put away his folded clothes or even put his clothes in the hamper.
I was not raised thinking I could do this. It's frustrating that I can't have a clean house unless the boyfriend gets on them to start cleaning.
I either feel like a damn maid picking up after everyone and not holding kids accountable, or.... Well I don't know any other options!!!

The boyfriend does have them clean but I just think if they take something out, put it away. If you finish your ice cream, throw the wrapper away. Put your folded clothes away. Clean here and there everyday, don't do a big cleaning job 2 days a week.

I need ideas. It's so frustrating that it seriously kills my sex drive. I'm so in the mood for a little lovin only to find mess after mess and I can't say anything except to take care of it so I can have a clean home. Then I get pissed and want to be left alone. I swear I'm not a clean freak but throw trash in the trash can!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh. Sorry.


Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
je80ss
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:37 AM
You just explained the situation in my house almost exact. Except i have helped raise these kids for over ten yrs and they have always lived with us. I cannot stand the piggyness that my house is if i dont clean clean clean. But if i dont and ask them to, im being too hard on them and nagging....

Quoting Anonymous:

I need to vent, seriously.



I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, living with him and his kids and my and my dd. the kids call me their stepmom but I hate the term. We do have a living, happy home... Except:



My dd is older which has problems of it's own.

But my boyfrirnd's dd's are younger, ages 5 to 9. Now don't get me wrong, they are good kids. But because I didn't raise them, and don't raise them, it can be so frustrating that they were not taught things that I would have.

It's so damn frustrating that nothing is ever put away. I buy soaps, toiletries, band-aids, silverware, just things in general and it goes missing. It can be found in a variety of places, you know kids it's nothing surprising where you find things.

We all live together, we get the kids about 60% so it's not as if this is a foreign home to them. It's clean when they're not here and when they do come back, the house looks like a damn tornado hit it.

I HATE the fact that I need to clean and put stuff away but all I'm doing is cleaning up after them. My boyfriend and his BM asked from the beginning that I don't discipline the kids and I won't step on their toes with that. I respect that.



But then here I am biting my tongue wondering how we went from 50 forks to 3. Wondering where the band-aids I just bought are. Finding a bunch of moldy smelling rags that were thrown in a corner. Dirty underwear in their bathroom. Their hair stuff on my bed. Their folded clothes around their room. Their toothbrush on the floor in my restroom. Empty water bottles in my room. Even the boyfriend can't put away his folded clothes or even put his clothes in the hamper.

I was not raised thinking I could do this. It's frustrating that I can't have a clean house unless the boyfriend gets on them to start cleaning.

I either feel like a damn maid picking up after everyone and not holding kids accountable, or.... Well I don't know any other options!!!



The boyfriend does have them clean but I just think if they take something out, put it away. If you finish your ice cream, throw the wrapper away. Put your folded clothes away. Clean here and there everyday, don't do a big cleaning job 2 days a week.



I need ideas. It's so frustrating that it seriously kills my sex drive. I'm so in the mood for a little lovin only to find mess after mess and I can't say anything except to take care of it so I can have a clean home. Then I get pissed and want to be left alone. I swear I'm not a clean freak but throw trash in the trash can!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Ugh. Sorry.





Val99
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:39 AM

And this is why I chose a second husband who didn't have children.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:41 AM
It's a very thin line. You can't say much because you're not their mom but you want to teach them how to just pick up after themselves. And by you, I mean me.

Quoting je80ss:

You just explained the situation in my house almost exact. Except i have helped raise these kids for over ten yrs and they have always lived with us. I cannot stand the piggyness that my house is if i dont clean clean clean. But if i dont and ask them to, im being too hard on them and nagging....



Quoting Anonymous:

I need to vent, seriously.





I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, living with him and his kids and my and my dd. the kids call me their stepmom but I hate the term. We do have a living, happy home... Except:





My dd is older which has problems of it's own.


But my boyfrirnd's dd's are younger, ages 5 to 9. Now don't get me wrong, they are good kids. But because I didn't raise them, and don't raise them, it can be so frustrating that they were not taught things that I would have.


It's so damn frustrating that nothing is ever put away. I buy soaps, toiletries, band-aids, silverware, just things in general and it goes missing. It can be found in a variety of places, you know kids it's nothing surprising where you find things.


We all live together, we get the kids about 60% so it's not as if this is a foreign home to them. It's clean when they're not here and when they do come back, the house looks like a damn tornado hit it.


I HATE the fact that I need to clean and put stuff away but all I'm doing is cleaning up after them. My boyfriend and his BM asked from the beginning that I don't discipline the kids and I won't step on their toes with that. I respect that.





But then here I am biting my tongue wondering how we went from 50 forks to 3. Wondering where the band-aids I just bought are. Finding a bunch of moldy smelling rags that were thrown in a corner. Dirty underwear in their bathroom. Their hair stuff on my bed. Their folded clothes around their room. Their toothbrush on the floor in my restroom. Empty water bottles in my room. Even the boyfriend can't put away his folded clothes or even put his clothes in the hamper.


I was not raised thinking I could do this. It's frustrating that I can't have a clean house unless the boyfriend gets on them to start cleaning.


I either feel like a damn maid picking up after everyone and not holding kids accountable, or.... Well I don't know any other options!!!





The boyfriend does have them clean but I just think if they take something out, put it away. If you finish your ice cream, throw the wrapper away. Put your folded clothes away. Clean here and there everyday, don't do a big cleaning job 2 days a week.





I need ideas. It's so frustrating that it seriously kills my sex drive. I'm so in the mood for a little lovin only to find mess after mess and I can't say anything except to take care of it so I can have a clean home. Then I get pissed and want to be left alone. I swear I'm not a clean freak but throw trash in the trash can!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Ugh. Sorry.








Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:44 AM
I've never been married.
But girl, I never wanted to be with a guy who had kids either, let alone 3. But he's a GREAT guy and treats me and my dd great. His kids are little fun blessings. But there will be problems with blended families or even natural families. I'm just trying to find advice or ideas on how to handle this.

Quoting Val99:

And this is why I chose a second husband who didn't have children.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:47 AM
1 mom liked this

Your house----your rules. Boyfriend needs to back you up.

LaughCryLive
by Emerald Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:47 AM
1 mom liked this
Id have an issue with them not respecting an adult that they live with 60% of the time. That's showing that your husband/SO doesn't respect you.
SJG1013
by SJG on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:49 AM
1 mom liked this
I think asking them, reminding them, and then in the end telling them(if they don't listen) to clean shouldn't be an issue. I would of already gone crazy if I were you.
tiniowien
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:54 AM


this

Quoting Anonymous:

Your house----your rules. Boyfriend needs to back you up.



Bleacher-mom
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:55 AM
1 mom liked this

It's unfortunate that you are in this situation. And it's unfortunate for those kids who are not being taught basic cleaning skills that sound as though you would do a good job at and they are being alowed, by dad and mom, to disrespect your home. Chances are, their not being taught at their mothers either or they wouldn't be that way at your house. Mine are 9 and 6, and would never alow them to treat my home or anyone else's home that way.

You need to talk to your BF and explain how you feel. I understand that you can't punish them, but you can train them and you can turn things around in your house.

Try setting up a rewards chart. If they throw their wrappers away right away, if they keep their room clean every day, if they help out, etc, then they get bumped up on their chart and get closer to a reward. This keeps you out of the punishment area. Check out this book KEEP YOUR SANITY: TEACH THEM TO CLEAN. It will give you some great ideas.

But your BF does need to step up. Right now it is just the house, when they get older and neither one of their parents take on the responsibility of parenting, it will be much, much worse.

mommyof11050307
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:55 AM
Anyone living in my house will hhelp clean my house. My husband works full time and I'm a sahm he is expected to clean up after himself and give a hand when I need him to. You need to sit your bf down and tell him your tired of everything. Him and his kids live in this house thy will help out every day they are here. He wi start picking up after himself as well.
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