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I wish I could change my family/one child in particular

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 32 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Do you ever wish you could go back in time and make a different choice about being a parent to one or more of your children?

Options:

Yes, one

Yes, more than one

No, never!

No, but I can see why some of my friends might


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 37

View Results

I love my children. There are four of them. We made a conscious choice to parent every single child. Three of my children are generally wonderful to be around. One of them is overly dramatic, willfully disrupts everything, and is angry constantly (screamed for over 6 hours this past weekend, three hours last night. No one was engaging with the child -- it doesn't help soothe or diffuse things, just escalates and reinforces no matter how calm we are.) That child was away from the house for a week and the rest of us were able to deeply relax. I don't think we (any of us) realized just how stressful it is to have this child around. This child stresses me and every other family member beyond belief. It affects our relationships with one another, and our health. The child is in therapy. I wish we didn't have to deal with this. I know it sounds awful, but I cannot honestly say if I had it to do over that I would choose to parent this child again.

ETA:  Please no "sex causes babies" replies.  In this case, yes, we DID choose to parent particular children, older children, adopted each and every one of them.  NOT as infants.  Domestic infant adoption is a different animal from older child adoption.   It is not a case of "you can't choose what you get" so much as "we didn't realize the extent of the issues."  The issues this child has are NOT due to our parenting style; there are other things which are legitimately causing rage in the child.  Things which were not fully disclosed nor, I believe, understood at the time of adoption by anyone concerned (child included.)  The children are siblings and have  been together forever.  We do not have these issues with the other children.  The foster family made things much worse by lying to the children about things, and it is NOT an open adoption; please do not suggest that it should be -- parental rights were removed due to addiction/neglect/abuse.

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:19 PM

The only thing I would change is I wish I would have listened to my mother and not put bio dad on the bc.

alexsmomaubrys2
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:22 PM

I love my family and wouldn't change anything.

AMRios
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:23 PM
2 moms liked this

My friends kids are so bad her parents nor in laws will watch them... The rest of our group has cook-outs, goes to dinner and just enjoys game night while they sit home because no one can stand to be around their kids... I don't know what I would do if that was me... Her situation is lack of discipline... Now she has to live with what she has created! I think God he gave me good kids!

happinessforyou
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:24 PM

Sex causes babies... just saying.... and you never get to "pick" what kind of child you get.. You decided to have sex and make a baby-you just get what you get. GL

LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:25 PM

Some days I wish I hadnt gotten pregnant with my second. Save us the pain from that. But at the same time our family is much stronger as a result of everything.

happinessforyou
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:27 PM
IDK if there is such a thing as a "good or bad" child from birth. But I do know of several bad parents... they have classes/books/support groups/therapy for this..... lazy parenting often results in poorly behaved kids.
Quoting AMRios:

My friends kids are so bad her parents nor in laws will watch them... The rest of our group has cook-outs, goes to dinner and just enjoys game night while they sit home because no one can stand to be around their kids... I don't know what I would do if that was me... Her situation is lack of discipline... Now she has to live with what she has created! I think God he gave me good kids!


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:39 PM

I really don't think the issue is lazy parenting on our parts.  Our kids were in a stable foster situation for years and I do have issues with the parenting provided there, but at least it was well-intended.  The foster family did not wish to adopt them.  Also, the other children do not act like this, and when the child in question is acting out, they seek comfort from us and console us during the screaming attacks.  The screaming over the weekend came out of left field; we really don't know what triggered it, and child in question will not elaborate beyond "All I can do is scream."

Mommy2b2many
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:42 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry you are dealing with these issues; I hope things get easier. How old is s/he? I will say that your situation with s/he is very similar to mine when I was between 5 and 16; I was pretty bad. And my parents were saints for putting up with it. And honestly; once I became an adult I evened out; it took alot of love,patience, understanding and counseling; but things are amazing now.. Good luck!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:00 PM

She's 9, and although we know that much of this is not due to -- or intended directly at-- us, it is very diffcult to endure and persevere while she's yelling and stomping and throwing, etc.  Over the weekend, I literally stood and listened to her (not saying a word) for over 45 minutes while she vented continuously, screaming the whole time.  I have no idea how she's able to even do this, I'd be hoarse by then.  While I have deep sympathy for her and do want desperately to help her, it's affecting my/our health and it's very difficult much of the time.  I didn't realize quite how difficult -- and how tense we all were -- until she was out of the house for an extended period of time.  That really clarified things for all of us.

AMRios
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:48 PM


Lazy parenting it is... Learning to parent out of a book I don't care for, but to each their own... If she would discipline her kids there wouldn't be a problem... There are about 6 families with 13 kids total and only her 2 don't know how to behave... 

Quoting happinessforyou:

IDK if there is such a thing as a "good or bad" child from birth. But I do know of several bad parents... they have classes/books/support groups/therapy for this..... lazy parenting often results in poorly behaved kids.
Quoting AMRios:

My friends kids are so bad her parents nor in laws will watch them... The rest of our group has cook-outs, goes to dinner and just enjoys game night while they sit home because no one can stand to be around their kids... I don't know what I would do if that was me... Her situation is lack of discipline... Now she has to live with what she has created! I think God he gave me good kids!



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