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I can't believe the nerve of DH's ex wife!!!

Posted by Anonymous
  • 133 Replies

DH's daughter got pregnant at 16.  Her mom had moved her 2 states away and we only had her in the summer.  They moved back to this area right after stepdaughter found out she was pregnant.    

When she had her baby, her mom had her declared legally emancipated (this is not automatic in all states just because a minor has a baby.)  Having her declared legally emancipated meant DH no longer owed child support.  

This was done through the courts, not just on his own.  

SD is not 21 yet (legal age of emancipation in our state and when child support ends, UNLESS done by courts prior) but will be in a few months.  

Her mother lost her job and since jobs are scarce around here, she filed for PA along with her unemployment.  When asked who lives in the household, she told them SD, her baby, her 18yo DD, her 11yoDD and her 5yoDD.  Her 2nd exH is paying a $1800 a month CS on the 3.  The father of SD's baby pays $75/wk.

Since we didn't have to pay CS any longer, DH used that money and bought SD a reliable car and has been paying the insurance on it for almost 5 years.  He also does all the upkeep on the car and bought new tires for it TWICE.  The ONLY thing he doesn't do is pay for her gas.  He promised her he would keep doing this until she finished school.  She is only going part time because she works also but only has a semester left.  

When asked about her CS, DH's ex LIED to her case worker.  She told them that DH is not paying his CS even though the court order says he is to pay until she is out of college.  That is the ORIGINAL court order.  She did not tell them that SD is legally emancipated and there is a NEW court order saying he no longer owes.  She also LIED and said her 2nd exH does not pay.  He does not pay through the court system.  Every single month, he direct deposits $1800 from his account to hers on the first.  

Instead of her case worker checking any facts, she took BM's word and issued a notice to the state that DH is in arrears of almost $25000 and her ex is in arrears of $65000!!!  

Both DH and 2nd exH have been issued notices from the state that their drivers licenses are suspended due to their arrears and they will be until they pay at least half of their arrears!!!  2nd exH travels ALL THE TIME for work.  He is gone 3 weeks out of the month, flying here and there, and needing rental cars.  So how is he supposed to pay child support if he can't work?  If he loses his job, her CS is going down drastically, at least cut in half, if not more.  Without his drivers license, he does NOT have the ability to make the money to pay $1800 a month.  Right now his boss is working with him and sending a co-worker to drive for him, but has only given him 30 days to correct this. 

It also says that if they do not start making immediate payments within 60 days, any and all BUSINESS licenses will be suspended.  That doesn't hurt 2nd exH, but it sure as hell hurts us because we own 2 fairly successful businesses and employ approximately 35 people at one location and 10 at the other.  So they want payments, but they want to take away the ability to do it???

Both DH and 2nd ex have talked to lawyers.  DH's case SHOULD be cut and dry, but getting in done in 60 days before they take our business licenses away is going to a problem.  The lawyer suggested making $100/wk payments and then once it is shown DH does not owe, the judge will order her to repay DH but we both know we will never see that happen.  She will NEVER repay him.  And paying that $100/wk will make it hard for DH to continue to pay for SD's car payment (which should be paid off by the end of the year) and for her insurance.  We don't have unlimited income.  We both draw a weekly paycheck from our businesses.  And no, at this time we cannot just give DH a raise.  We just upgraded some equipment so there is no extra money for us to have raises this year.  Our employees deserve raises before we do.  So, SD may end up having to figure out a way to pay her own car payments and insurance for a few months.  

2nd ex is the one that might have a REAL problem.  The state generally considers anything not paid through CSE a gift.  However, they have never used CSE and the 2nd ex CAN prove since they split, before the divorce was final, he has been giving her $1800 a month, he MAY be able to have the arrears removed.  If he doesn't, she is REALLY going to be sorry because I am pretty sure that her $1800 in child support from him is MORE than what she can get on PA.  If he loses his job, the courts will most likely side with him and CS will go down.    

So, BM has pissed off both of her ex's.  2nd ex has already said BM will never see a dime out of him that isn't court ordered child support and their order is pretty cut and dry that he only pays his child support and no EC's or medical/dental co-pays.  He has been paying them even though he doesn't have to.  SD is pissed because she understands that DH cannot pay both false child support and her car payment and her mom is screwing both her and her dad.  The 18yo DD is pissed because she understands her mom is screwing her dad over.  The 11yo and 5yo do not understand but know that their daddy is really angry with their mom, as are their big sisters.  

Sorry so long.  Just trying to get it all out because I know there will a lot questions, DH bashing and 2nd exH bashing, and probably a lot of people agreeing with BM that DH should have kept paying CS, even though the COURTS stopped it, not him and that 2nd exH is an idiot for not paying through CSE so he deserves what BM is doing.

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:52 PM


by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:57 PM
1 mom liked this

What a train wreck!! So sorry you are dealing with this :(. I would pay the 100 week (even tho it's tough to do so) so you are in compliance and hope you get it back


by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:57 PM
10 moms liked this

What a dumb bitch. Greedy, lazy people not understanding that they are causing more damage by lying.

I would also go after the caseworker who did not check facts, that has to be against protocol somewhere.

by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:58 PM
Ex wife sounds like a spiteful bitch, sorry you guys have to deal with that.
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:59 PM
Wow... That is terrible... I hope you all get things worked out.
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:59 PM
4 moms liked this

Any court ordered payment goes through the system issued by a judge and it is in welfares system.  They would be able to tell if an order was in effect and could not issue any claims unless there is an active order in place.  This would NEVER happen in the way you are explaining.  If your husband owes nothing they could not suspend his license and anyway with the way the system works they would attempt to collect before suspending the license.  It costs the courts money to do that and they do not want to spend money.  I am positive about this.  Whatever, I hope you get the sympathy you are looking for.....

by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:01 PM

Shouldn't he only have to provide a copy of the new court order proving child support was stopped and DSD is emancipated to BM's caseworker?  I wouldn't think that would take longer than 60 days.  Heck, I'd hand deliver it myself if need be!

Or, is there any way DSD could live with you and DH and remove herself from her mothers PA case completeley?

by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:01 PM

Seems like a total bitch..

by Samantha on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:02 PM

Does the 2nd ex have a court ordered support amount in his divorce papers or at least an amount they agreed upon in the court papers? If he does he should be ok. It is usually when the support is not legally agreed upon that it is counted as a gift.

I hope things work out for your business. Could he get the court process started and then start making payments in 45 days so it is before the 60 day requirement? It would keep the business license from getting pulled but he wouldn't have to pay out as much that way.His ex seems like a real winner. She is going to end up in a ton of trouble with the state and will probably have to pay the state back for any PA she received.

by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:03 PM
2 moms liked this
First thing I would do is sell SD's car and make a support payment.
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