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Should I get involved?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies

I have never dealt with CPS or anything like that, don't even know much about them but I am at my wits' end here. My BIL and his girlfriend have a child together: she's almost three. She was unplanned and the mother was in high school when she got pregnant with her. This child has NEVER been wanted by either of them. BIL and GF are at our house a lot because we live about 1.5 hours away. They don't supervise their daughter yet scream at her if she gets into trouble. There is no focus on education. She is nearly three and does not even know any of her colors, none of the ABC's, etc. Those are not really serious things, just examples to give you a little background. The mom literally sits on her butt and watches television all day while the little girl entertains herself. They live in an area that gets below zero in the winter and they live in a camping trailer. Their vehicles have broken heaters. They spend their money on stupid crap like video games and then ask us for money. The GF told me last weekend that sometimes she locks the little girl in the trailer while she runs errands just so she can "get away from the brat" and every time she talks about the girl she does not use her name but will say 'the kid', 'the brat', or something else.

Now, I have offered to help. I have even kept the girl for weeks at a time. They claim she is so horrible but she is perfectly behaved when I am in charge. This girl is not progressing socially, emotionally, or cognitively. Would it be wrong for me to confront them or possibly get someone else involved? I am afraid something will happen to her. I have heard worse stories from other family members that lead me to believe there is much that goes on that I do not know about.

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:14 PM
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Replies (1-7):
catrig
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:16 PM
1 mom liked this
I would talk to them about her living with you, at least for the summer.
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Roxygurl
by Sapphire Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:17 PM
This. Offer to let her stay with you for an extended time.

Quoting catrig:

I would talk to them about her living with you, at least for the summer.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KaylinC03
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:20 PM

 I don't really know what confronting them is going to do (especially for the child). I don't think it will magically make them say "she's right. We need to start caring about our child" because if it's been 3 years already, it will likely continue and that's extremely sad.

Is it your husbands brother (you said brother in law, so I'm assuming?). If so, see if your husband would be willing to talk to him (as he may listen to him more) and see if they would be willing to give her over to you. Doesn't have to be forever (because if it sounds THAT permanent they likely won't) but start out small (like her staying with you for the summer) and build from there. 

Calling CPS is another option, but I would recommend doing so annonymously. There's also the chance that CPS won't do anything (if they don't see abuse) in which case it could make things worse for the child, and your relationship with them and the child if they found out you called.

Regardless of what happens, I wish you the best of luck. It sounds like a sad situation all around. :(

terriross
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:20 PM
I would see about taking custody or adopting her if that's something you would want to do. If they don't want her then they shouldn't have her.
michiganmom5150
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:25 PM
I would talk to them about maybe taking her for the summer(if you are willing) and then possibly getting custody of her. Sounds like they are a little too self-absorbed and immature to be parents at this point a d the girl is suffering. She will not be allowed to go to Kindergarten if she doesn't know the basics, and she may have learning disabilities or just no one willing to teach her things like colors or ABCs. I'd do what I could to help. Good luck!
owl0210
by Sapphire Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:26 PM
Call them ASAP.
Supervane
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:29 PM
Report them anonymously, them leaving her alone like that is neglect.
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