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Does Having Sex on the First Date Mean Your Relationship Is Doomed?

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Does Having Sex on the First Date Mean Your Relationship Is Doomed?

by Kiri Blakeley 

Should you have sex on the first date? It's a question many women ask themselves. Guys don't ask it. They're too busy trying to get it. But women do. And not necessarily because we don't want sex. If we're hot for a dude, we probably want sex as much as he does. But women have to worry about how they're being perceived. What the guy will think. It's like that old song "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" only these days we want to know if a guy will even text us the morning after. See, guys have an issue with sex. They want it. They try so hard to get it. But some of them don't really want it. Because once they get it, they abscond. Disappear. And if we like a guy, we want him to stick around. So that leaves us with the eternal dilemma: To put out or not to put out? That is the question.

A New York Magazine writer took a poll of some women who gave it up on the first date and how it worked out. Predictably, a lot of guys disappeared if the girl's panties came off. You can only imagine they spend the entire date desperately trying to get into the chick's pants. And once they did, they lost interest, or freaked out, or ran crying to mommy. Or something.

Nina slept with a guy she really liked on the first date. A few days later, he had a party, invited all of her friends -- and not her. They slept together a few times after that, but things were never as good as the first date. Says Nina:

All the effort came from me. I had set the precedent that I was doing the chasing, and think I just made myself too available (physically, socially, et cetera). Looking back, I'm convinced I made it too easy for him.

Beth slept with a hot Aussie dude who began making out with her during the movie they went to see. He made an excuse to come up to her apartment, and they hit the sack. And how'd that go for her? She says:

He didn't call after that. I was sure he would. We had such great conversation and chemistry. I think the inappropriate fooling around ruined it -- I mean, I practically blew him in my building’s hallway. I guess, for him, the mystery was gone. I was no longer a sophisticated New York woman, but a slutty drunk lush.

But other women who put out early had the opposite reaction.

Victoria is one of the women who ended up marrying or being engaged to her one night stand. She says:

The fatal mistake was choosing to still spend the night together, 'to just sleep,' arms entwined. After a few minutes of restless non-sleep, we shared our first kiss and decided to throw all promises to the wind. I really had never had amazing sex like that before -- it was a combo of passion, love, and skill ... Next month marks four years. We are engaged and more in love than ever.

The lesson? It all seems to depend on the guy. And since guys won't tell you, "Hey, if we have sex tonight I'm going to fall off the face of the planet," it's up to women to decide what to do.

If you definitely don't care about seeing the guy again, but still want to have sex for whatever reason, then go for it. But if there's any chance you do want to see him, then don't. Because a guy who would stick around will whether you sleep with him or not. And a guy with sexual issues -- or a Madonna/whore complex -- will get freaked out. He'd prefer you tease him out for a few dates or weeks or even months. 

Best bet? Wait.

So, guys, next time you're wondering why a woman won't sleep with you right away, here's your answer: Look in the mirror. It's not us women playing games -- it's you.

Have you ever had sex on the first date? How'd it go?

by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:24 AM
Replies (21-30):
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:39 AM
1 mom liked this
Same here lol.

Quoting owl0210:

No, he became my husband lol.
by Anonymous 6 on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:39 AM
4 moms liked this


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, he's the father of the baby I'm pregnant with.....I'm 25 weeks.  I knew from the first date that I wanted to get pregnant and have his it worked out.


by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:40 AM
If I want a relationship with a guy I won't put out for awhile. I'm that girl that's just one of the guys and they all say that if they're looking for a relationship it won't be with that "easy" girl. Its just how most guys work its a recipe for disaster they'll never see you as anything more. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule but I think its a good rule to follow most of the time
by Anonymous 7 on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:40 AM
Yes we had sex on the first date. We have been married for 4 years together 6
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:42 AM

I had sex with my husband on the first date. That said, at the time, I did not really care whether he called or not. 

by Anonymous 8 on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:42 AM
1 mom liked this

Didn't even read.

I don't play games. If I want to have sex on the first date, I do. There's no 'rule book' for me.

I had sex on the 2nd date, and 6 years later, we're still happily married.

by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:45 AM
With my ex DH we ended up sleeping together on the first date, got married 6 weeks later and now 4 years later we are divorced. The whole marriage he thought I was cheating and a whore cause I put out so quickly with him.

My current SO tho, we waited 2 months, 6 dates, before ever having sex for the first time and things are so much different with him.
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:45 AM

The day I finally decided to be a whore and sleep with someone on the first date, I ended up marrying him, LOL! We're coming up on our 9th anniversary this September. 

by Ruby Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:46 AM

LOL I jumped my husband on our first date, been married 21 years!

by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:46 AM


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