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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Has anyone else had to deal with this?

Posted by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:10 AM
  • 13 Replies

 My exhusband lives in VA and I live in OH. Our current custody agreement was filed and approved in HI. As it stands, I have full physical custody and we share joint legal custody. However, our DD lives with me during the school year and my ex gets the whole summer, all school breaks over 5 days, and every other Christmas break. His family lives less than 40 minutes from my house so I also let him visit with our DD every time he comes up to visit, which is often. Our DD's physical address has always been with me and she has never, ever lived full-time with him except for 1 yr when she was very little when we were all living together trying to make the marriage work (it didn't).

However, earlier in June, he called me and started screaming at me because our DD hadn't had a physical since 2010. She's 8yrs old and her next scheduled physical isn't supposed to be until this school year. I explained this to him and he told me that I was a bad mom, horrible person, etc. etc. and that he wanted our DD to live with him for the school year and with me for the summer. In other words, he wanted to keep our current arrangement but with me having summer vacations and him having the school year. Why? I have no idea other than the fact that he wants it and he says that our DD wants it too. I don't want her to live with him during the school year. She has friends here, she is settled in her school, and she is in the Gifted and Talented program. She also has perfect attendence. What are the chances that a judge would give him custody? I have two other children and she has lived with them since they were born and with me and my husband full-time since she was two.

I don't like the current arrangement because I only get her during the school year and for 1 Christmas break every other year. We have never been on a family vacation because my ex has her for every school break and often comes up on 4 day weekends and I allow our DD to see him. I want to keep a good relationship between DD and my ex but I feel like I am getting short-changed because she is only with me when she has school. I want her to be here for at least 1 week of Christmas vacation every year AND I want her for the school year and at least a month of summer vacation. Is this reasonable?

by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
aphrodite7400
by Silver Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:12 AM

well regarding physicals- my kids have them each yr.  why is it diff where u are?   (sorry didnt read the whole long post)

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:12 AM

Why hasn't she had a physical since 2008? I'd be mad about that too? Doesn't she need one for school every year, we do here.

mom2priceboys
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:14 AM

 has she been to the dr for anything in that amount of time?

Mommyzlovez
by Silver Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:17 AM

All I can say is pray, adn as far as a physical most kids get those every year before school...at least thats been the case int eh states I have lived..Texas, New Mexcio, COlorado and Louisiana.

davnrori
by Platinum Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:19 AM

 She hasn't had a physical since 2010. She is fine, perfectly healthy, she's had doctor's visits if she's sick but hasn't had an actual physical since then because her school doesn't require them every year, only every other year. I'm not denying her medical care, I just don't believe that doctors should be involved unnecessarily. I would also like to point out that because my ex is also 50% responsible for her medical care and he has her for the entire summer and all school breaks and has far more opportunity to take her than I do, that he has never made an appointment for her, never taken her to an appointment I've scheduled, and has never once voiced a concern over her medical care/lack thereof once in her entire almost 9yrs of life. He has never called me asking about her medical care, has never emailed me, nothing. If he thinks I'm such an unfit parent that I can't be trusted to take our daughter to the doctor's...why hasn't he done it himself so he could show the judge that he's much more responsible than I am?

Quoting Anonymous:

Why hasn't she had a physical since 2008? I'd be mad about that too? Doesn't she need one for school every year, we do here.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:23 AM

Maybe he just assumed that because you have her for the majority of the year that you were taking care of it? Maybe he's realizing now that he wants more time with his daughter and saw this as an oppurtunity to try and get more? idk...something you'd have to talk to him about.

I can see where you are coming from though, wanting more time. But why didn't you voice that when the custody agreement was made?

Quoting davnrori:

 She hasn't had a physical since 2010. She is fine, perfectly healthy, she's had doctor's visits if she's sick but hasn't had an actual physical since then because her school doesn't require them every year, only every other year. I'm not denying her medical care, I just don't believe that doctors should be involved unnecessarily. I would also like to point out that because my ex is also 50% responsible for her medical care and he has her for the entire summer and all school breaks and has far more opportunity to take her than I do, that he has never made an appointment for her, never taken her to an appointment I've scheduled, and has never once voiced a concern over her medical care/lack thereof once in her entire almost 9yrs of life. He has never called me asking about her medical care, has never emailed me, nothing. If he thinks I'm such an unfit parent that I can't be trusted to take our daughter to the doctor's...why hasn't he done it himself so he could show the judge that he's much more responsible than I am?

Quoting Anonymous:

Why hasn't she had a physical since 2008? I'd be mad about that too? Doesn't she need one for school every year, we do here.

 


KeriAZ
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:24 AM
put in your parenting plan.
haymama
by Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:26 AM
I don't have personal experience but my mom has my lil sister (she's 9yrs old) through the school yr and every other weekend and then holidays they alternate like this yr mom gets Christmas not sure where my sis will be thanksgiving, oh and for summer they each get a month. But then again my dad didn't really fight for much custody and works most of the time. Oh and for the Christmas break its whoevers year it is they get her pretty much the full break which kinda sucks bc her birthday is 3 days after Christmas so my mom hates it especially when its not her year bc she misses bday and Christmas. They have a strict "agreement" bc it was a bad divorce and my mom could get full custody if my family history was said to a judge but mom says she was too scared at the time. Idk i wasn't around for it. It seems like you don't keep him from seeing her, have you tried talking to him about wanting to taker on a vacation maybe he would work with you since you let him see her whenever he comes up even though its your time? Have you talked with her does she really want to be with him more, is it bc she really wants to or just didn't like some rule with you or something like that? It must be very hard i can't imagine having to share my kids like that, i know id have problems being selfish and wanting them with me all the time but i know its important if they have a good dad for them to have time with him also. Is he normally a reasonable person maybe you could sit down and explain why you want the time you want but also listen to why he wants the time he wants with her
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:27 AM
He must have a new girlfriend. He cannot get custody over that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:31 AM
Yeah our school doesn't require physicals unless they're entered into sports. Or you're a new student... Or there is a requirement of shots for that year... Anywhoo... Is there any 3 day weekends or days where you could pull her out for vacations? I doubt considering how long this arrangement has already gone down that a judge would just flip the script and yank a child around when she's already settled and created a life with you...
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