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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Starting to "dislike" my 5 yr old son

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 108 Replies

I need to vent I'm so upset with myself!!! How can I start disliking my own child? He drives me absolutely nuts!!! He pees on the seat doesn't clean it up, he cries that my 8 yr old son (he is about to turn 9) won't play with him (and I have a 21 month old) who he dont want to play with. He cries anytime the his lil brother bugs him, he wants to hang on me all the time, he screams at everyone instead of talking, he just started kicking his brother softly in the groin. I'm ready to ship him to his grandmas 2400 miles away.
This is what I have done for discipline
Spanking, taking ds away for a month, taking Pokemon cards away for a month, no tv for a month, time out for (5min bcz of his age an it always turns into 3-4 he time outs) nothing works we go no where we see no one. So what's left. He doesn't have alot of toys an all the boys share toys so its not like he has his own just the ds and cards are his own.
Did I mention I'm preg with my 4th son die in 4 weeks? I'm gettin fixed after this one.


I think i need to mention that it wasnt just him getting the pokemon cards takin away for a month. his was his older brother too. this was due to them constantly fighting over them, and then when i took them away and told them they could have it back in 2 days they argued with me and said no give it back so i made it 3 days then it continued its your fault no its your fault blah blah blah and they wanted to keep telling me when they would get them back so i said fine 1 month end of story. they knew after the 1 month y they were takin away bcz when the day came to give them back i asked do you remember y i took them away and they both said yes and told me what i said. so they understand. now they dont fight over them

now as far as 1 on 1 goes. we moved across country almost 1 yr ago. west coast central cali to midwest. all the boys had lots of 1 on 1 when we were in cali bcz we could afford it and had the time. now we have no money and are all together 24/7. i dont even have my alone time to relax unless you consider cleaning up messes relaxing which i dont. 

i have issues just like everyone else in america. some people are better at somethings than others. and apparently according to most of you i'm not so good at parenting. thats y this post was annynomous i knew there would be bashing bcz thats what cafe moms do best is bash. 

i also need to add a PS i cant just cuddle with one they all get jealous. i need time where the others are not home. i cant even kiss my husband in front of the boys they ALL freak out and want kisses! no joke! and right now i dont cuddle with anyone I cant even get comfy to sit down or stand! i dont want to be touched by anyone! uggg...pregnancy! glad this is my last!!! 

in tears now thanks to all who bash me for bad parenting. i knew i shouldnt have posted this but since i dont have anyone to talk to i thought i could handle all the bashers. but i guess not. dont be suprised if you see this post gone soon. i'm just at a loss now. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Osstie
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:12 PM
1 mom liked this
I kind of butt heads with my 7 year old. It happens. You're human! Just try not to let it show. Show him and tell him you still love him, you just don't like bad behavior.
rgba
by Ruby Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:12 PM
1 mom liked this
He's reacting to your pregnancy, and can tell you are irritated with him. That must be pretty scary for him.

instead of finding 80 different ways to punish him, try showing him more love and reassurance.
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Retrokitty
by Jasmyne on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:14 PM
3 moms liked this
First off a month is way to long to take things away for a 5 year old.chances are by the time he gets them back he's already forgotten what he's done. He seems sensitive. I would work with him. Give him other things to do when he's upset. Teach him how to control his emotions. At that age kids react with emotions not logic. Punishing them is not teaching them how to act properly.
Eta: try to stop seeing the child as the problem and see that he HAS a problem. Behind every behaviour is a reason. Some children need more attention than others. Treating the reason for the behaviour is always much more effective than punishing the behaviour. That way they actually learn or get their needs met.
quinnsmom715
by Donna on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:14 PM

you dont really hate him,hes annoying you.hes 5,its his job..

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:19 PM
You need to consistently do time outs,every single time he breaks a house rule. Taking away Pokemon cards for a month from a 5 year old is silly, I bet he forgets what Pokemon even is 2 days later
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:55 PM
3 moms liked this

Rest assured, most the other Moms I know have these feelings about their 5 year olds at some point.  It is a very aggravating age.  They are old enough to start having some independence, and you want to trust them to do the right thing.  But they aren't old enough to really get the consequences of their actions and how they impact others.  They are old enough to start being taught these concepts, but with this newfound logic and reasoning, they are able to talk back and trap you in your own words!

How about you take a minute and sit down alone, maybe after they're all in bed, and consider these:

1.  Is he getting enough attention?  Some kids need more than others.  Think of him like a well that needs filled with love.  When the well runs low and there is no sign of water, he may act out.  Try replenishing that well with one on one time.  

2.  Are you picking your battles?  Some things, like the kicking and the toilet seat, are issues that certainly need taken up with proper discipline.  But maybe the screaming thing, the brother bugging him, etc can be handled by teaching him new things.  Like the phrase "I can't understand you when you scream" every time he yells at you.  Don't cave in, and as soon as he talks normal respond to his need, story, etc.  When his brother is "bugging him" try to find something new for them to do.  Keep the brother he doesn't want to play with busy with one project and him busy with another.

3.  Can you walk in his shoes?  He's caught in an age gap between children.  The 21 month old isn't old enough to do the activities he really wants.  The almost 9 year old probably seems more exciting and on his level, but he can't get away from the younger one long enough to go enjoy himself.  The 9 year old might not be as interested in him because he has to teach him all the games, but he isnt' interested in playing with baby toys anymore.  Try to find ways to get the 9 and 5 year old playing together more.

4.  Is he scared?  He might be worried how things will change when the new baby comes.  The older boy can take care of himself.  The younger one may seem to get more attention because he needs so much help with things.  Maybe he's afraid he'll get lost in the shuffle.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 4, 2013 at 12:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Must be the age. My 4 yr old drives me nuts some days.
SouthTxPrincess
by Bronze Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 12:44 AM
I agree with this.completely, and dont feel bad op I cant stand my almost four year old dd sometimes she is really bright but cries about everything. timeouts work really well but I don't take anything away for longer than a day or two a month is a really long time.


Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

Rest assured, most the other Moms I know have these feelings about their 5 year olds at some point.  It is a very aggravating age.  They are old enough to start having some independence, and you want to trust them to do the right thing.  But they aren't old enough to really get the consequences of their actions and how they impact others.  They are old enough to start being taught these concepts, but with this newfound logic and reasoning, they are able to talk back and trap you in your own words!

How about you take a minute and sit down alone, maybe after they're all in bed, and consider these:

1.  Is he getting enough attention?  Some kids need more than others.  Think of him like a well that needs filled with love.  When the well runs low and there is no sign of water, he may act out.  Try replenishing that well with one on one time.  

2.  Are you picking your battles?  Some things, like the kicking and the toilet seat, are issues that certainly need taken up with proper discipline.  But maybe the screaming thing, the brother bugging him, etc can be handled by teaching him new things.  Like the phrase "I can't understand you when you scream" every time he yells at you.  Don't cave in, and as soon as he talks normal respond to his need, story, etc.  When his brother is "bugging him" try to find something new for them to do.  Keep the brother he doesn't want to play with busy with one project and him busy with another.

3.  Can you walk in his shoes?  He's caught in an age gap between children.  The 21 month old isn't old enough to do the activities he really wants.  The almost 9 year old probably seems more exciting and on his level, but he can't get away from the younger one long enough to go enjoy himself.  The 9 year old might not be as interested in him because he has to teach him all the games, but he isnt' interested in playing with baby toys anymore.  Try to find ways to get the 9 and 5 year old playing together more.

4.  Is he scared?  He might be worried how things will change when the new baby comes.  The older boy can take care of himself.  The younger one may seem to get more attention because he needs so much help with things.  Maybe he's afraid he'll get lost in the shuffle.


Ashley0523
by Bronze Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 12:50 AM
I think hes acting out and you need to figure out why. Have you just sat down with him and talk? He might be feeling bad because your about to have another baby. I would sit down with him once your other two are asleep and just have some one on one time with him and talk about why hes acting out maybe all he needs his some more attention from you.
emmypaige
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 12:53 AM
1 mom liked this
Ds2 is my PITA. He has an insanely difficult personality, he's 10 1/2 so far last year was his most challenging, but we are only halfway through 2013. Lol It sounds like the PPs have some good advice. I just manage the difficult parts of DS2 personality, and try to focus more on the positive.
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