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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I don't know any good men, how can I raise my adopted son to be one?

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 2:54 AM
  • 14 Replies

I have never had what you would call "good male role models" in my life.  My Mom and Dad divorced when I was 3 and I didn't see him again until I was almost 13 years old.  Even after that, our relationship was strained, he worked 2 full time jobs and was going to school to get his RN license, so he was never around.  Also, we lived 8 hours away, so we only saw him a week at Easter and a couple of weeks during summer.  I even lived with him for a year when I was 13 and he was never home, and even when he was home he rarely talked to anyone except my step-mother.  Every man I have ever dated has been a jerk, unemployed or cheated on me.  I have a very low opinion of MOST men.  I really don't know any men I would like to be role models for my son, who is 5.  I am worried about him not having any male influence, but I am more worried about him becoming a douchbag like most other men I know.  I haven't dated anyone in nearly 2 years because I am worried about him picking up bad habits from some jerk.  I was thinking about Big Brothers/Big Sisters or something, but I am not sure he is old enough for that. 

Even my Uncles are not role model material.  My half brothers are great, but they both live in other states.   

by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 2:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
poohbearkfc
by Gold Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 2:56 AM
Raise him how you want to be treated.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 5, 2013 at 2:56 AM

Bump. Same boat here.

wooly
by Knitting Maniac on Jul. 5, 2013 at 2:56 AM

 I would try big brothers and just be really careful interviewing prospects.

Retrokitty
by Jasmyne on Jul. 5, 2013 at 2:59 AM
1 mom liked this
Just raise him to be respectful of others. Teach him to value other people's opinions. Teach him to be empathetic for others. Kids learn more from who you are than what you teach. If you respect him, treat him well, don't yell, don't ignore him he will mirror that behaviour.
kylenkodysmom
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:00 AM
You love him and learn from the negative male role models you had. It's not as hard as you may think. Like a pp said, raise him how you want to be treated. My DH works out of state and it's just the boys and I most of the time. They are almost 10 and 7 and I make sure they know what is and isn't acceptable. DH does as well when he's home, but unfortunately that's not as often as we would like.
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FoxFire363
by Ruby Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:05 AM
A mentorship program like Big Brother Big Sisters is a good idea. We are a lesbian couple, and are fortunate that our dads are great role models for our kids. We also have wonderful guy friends. Several are adopted "uncles," as of our kids real uncles, one is a great role model but super busy, and the other is not a particularly good role model.
ElizabethGracie
by Gold Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:06 AM

I think Big Brothers would be a great idea! But ultimately,just raise him how you want to be treated. I know plenty of great men who were raised by single mothers.

I'm sure it can be an real worry though...my husband is the greatest man I know and I sometimes worry how my boys would grow up if dh deployed again and was killed :(

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bleumonster
by Ruby Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 4:37 AM
Put him in sports, martial arts etc that have good male role models.
bannannagirl
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 4:42 AM
Hubby has a big brother he met when he was 8. They are still good friends even now and Hubby is 32. But like a previous poster said make sure to interview the prospects really well.
krissy920
by Gold Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 4:45 AM

you know  how you dont want to be treated and how men shouldnt act so go from that lead.. teach him to be respectful, kind, honest, strong minded, and caring. I think  being a strong woman you should bejust fine raising him  to be a good man :)

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