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As soon as a relationship gets serious I get panicky ( a bit long, but help please)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies

Please tell me this is not normal because I feel ridiculous

I think ahead to shit that isn't even going to happen, not even good shit, I mean bad shit

I am constantly paranoid

I almost self sabbotage everything and dont realize it until it's too late

LUCKILY

I have an SO who knows how to deal with the crazy

He knew my sons father back when we were still together and he heard I used to hit my sons father.  So when we started dating I had to let him know he got it mixed up, no my sons father used to kick MY ass, I can't kick his ass unless I can put him out cold with one strike because the losers a professional fighter and a big SOB I can't take down or get a hit in unless I want my ass beat.  So hearing that kind of made him understand more.

My therapist has linked that to why I become very submissive.  I pent everything up until it builds so much that I dont care about the reaction I give.  Hence, with my sons dad he was getting progressively aggressive, so I learned to not stand up for myself. Well...When I finally did speak up to the point where I couldn't hold it in I had to get ready to get my ass kicked.  So I was so groomed to that, that I am still doing it.  Im better now but it shows.


I get panicky about cheating all of the damn time.  Or like I am not good enough.  That is pure insecurity.  My sons dad is the only man to date aside from my doctor and gynecologist who has seen my belly.  Its flabby, loose skin from losing weight too fast, stretchmarks everywhere, my body simply didn't mold to pregnancy well.  I don't do make up or try to make up for the fact that my belly is ruined, I simply just don't show it and other than that I am confident with how I look everywhere else.

My SO is gorgeous.  He can get any woman he wants and has dipped in the cest pool of hoes many times before he got to me.  He also prefers older women most of the time.  I am 3 years younger.  Every woman he has been with has had a bangin' body.  Like they are sexy, dimes, 10's whatever you want to call them

His only words to me on the topic, because I dare not share my insecurity with him is 

I just fucked all of those hoes because they were hot and they threw themselves at me, I was young and I had fun.  But thats not what I want in a wife, thats what I wanted to stick my dick in for a while.  What I want for a wife is someone I can wake up next to and still look the same as when they went to bed, someone who is beautiful and confident with out make up or acting like a hoe to get attention.  Someone who is smart, intellegent, decided to go to college instead of live off of a man, someone who would be a good mother.  You know, just a real woman.   And I waited for you for years to break up with him so I could make my move and here we are.

Well, here we are and my ass is getting panicky again.


HELP!?!? a little?

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:04 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:18 AM

So that's his justification for sleeping with so many women? He was waiting for you to break up with your son's father? He sounds like the ho tbh.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:20 AM

He was a hoe

We were friends since I was 14

I know too many things about his past sex life

Quoting Anonymous:

So that's his justification for sleeping with so many women? He was waiting for you to break up with your son's father? He sounds like the ho tbh.


Aestas
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:22 AM

Does he seriously refer to women as "hoes"? I would not date a guy who talked about women that way.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:23 AM

yes, he refers to certain women as hoes

He doesn't refer to me as a hoe, or any of his legit woman friends as hoes, or women who don't get around hoes.  


Quoting Aestas:

Does he seriously refer to women as "hoes"? I would not date a guy who talked about women that way.


Aestas
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:27 AM

Believe me when I tell you that a man who has no respect for some women will not respect you for long. Besides, it's hypocritical. He got around, too. Nothing wrong with men or women doing what they want as long as it's safe and consensual, but seriously. When a man disrespects other women, it's a huge warning sign.

Quoting Anonymous:

yes, he refers to certain women as hoes

He doesn't refer to me as a hoe, or any of his legit woman friends as hoes, or women who don't get around hoes.  


Quoting Aestas:

Does he seriously refer to women as "hoes"? I would not date a guy who talked about women that way.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:30 AM

Im not trippin on that at all

I refer to hoes as hoes too.  It's not disrespecting someone who clearly has no respect for themselves. It's a common slang term to use here to describe a man or woman who gets around A LOT.

I used to call him a hoe when he was still acting like one.  

Quoting Aestas:

Believe me when I tell you that a man who has no respect for some women will not respect you for long. Besides, it's hypocritical. He got around, too. Nothing wrong with men or women doing what they want as long as it's safe and consensual, but seriously. When a man disrespects other women, it's a huge warning sign.

Quoting Anonymous:

yes, he refers to certain women as hoes

He doesn't refer to me as a hoe, or any of his legit woman friends as hoes, or women who don't get around hoes.  


Quoting Aestas:

Does he seriously refer to women as "hoes"? I would not date a guy who talked about women that way.




Aestas
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:37 AM

Eh, that's up to you, then. If it doesn't bother you, then it doesn't.

As far as your original question, are you still seeing your therapist? I've also been through an abusive relationship in the past, and counseling helped me a lot. I had major trust issues after what I went through, and I had to learn how to be more assertive. Your SO is obviously with you for a reason, not anyone else. Take your time and stick with the therapy. You deserve to be happy!

Quoting Anonymous:

Im not trippin on that at all

I refer to hoes as hoes too.  It's not disrespecting someone who clearly has no respect for themselves. It's a common slang term to use here to describe a man or woman who gets around A LOT.

I used to call him a hoe when he was still acting like one.  

Quoting Aestas:

Believe me when I tell you that a man who has no respect for some women will not respect you for long. Besides, it's hypocritical. He got around, too. Nothing wrong with men or women doing what they want as long as it's safe and consensual, but seriously. When a man disrespects other women, it's a huge warning sign.

Quoting Anonymous:

yes, he refers to certain women as hoes

He doesn't refer to me as a hoe, or any of his legit woman friends as hoes, or women who don't get around hoes.  


Quoting Aestas:

Does he seriously refer to women as "hoes"? I would not date a guy who talked about women that way.





Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:39 AM

I actually stopped, but I am thinking I should again.  My old therapist moved so I need to find a new one.  Its just hard starting fresh with another therapist KWIM?


Quoting Aestas:

Eh, that's up to you, then. If it doesn't bother you, then it doesn't.

As far as your original question, are you still seeing your therapist? I've also been through an abusive relationship in the past, and counseling helped me a lot. I had major trust issues after what I went through, and I had to learn how to be more assertive. Your SO is obviously with you for a reason, not anyone else. Take your time and stick with the therapy. You deserve to be happy!

Quoting Anonymous:

Im not trippin on that at all

I refer to hoes as hoes too.  It's not disrespecting someone who clearly has no respect for themselves. It's a common slang term to use here to describe a man or woman who gets around A LOT.

I used to call him a hoe when he was still acting like one.  

Quoting Aestas:

Believe me when I tell you that a man who has no respect for some women will not respect you for long. Besides, it's hypocritical. He got around, too. Nothing wrong with men or women doing what they want as long as it's safe and consensual, but seriously. When a man disrespects other women, it's a huge warning sign.

Quoting Anonymous:

yes, he refers to certain women as hoes

He doesn't refer to me as a hoe, or any of his legit woman friends as hoes, or women who don't get around hoes.  


Quoting Aestas:

Does he seriously refer to women as "hoes"? I would not date a guy who talked about women that way.






Aestas
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:50 AM

Yeah, definitely. It takes time to build a relationship when you have to start seeing someone new. I think it's worth it, though, if you can find someone you like.

Quoting Anonymous:

I actually stopped, but I am thinking I should again.  My old therapist moved so I need to find a new one.  Its just hard starting fresh with another therapist KWIM?


Quoting Aestas:

Eh, that's up to you, then. If it doesn't bother you, then it doesn't.

As far as your original question, are you still seeing your therapist? I've also been through an abusive relationship in the past, and counseling helped me a lot. I had major trust issues after what I went through, and I had to learn how to be more assertive. Your SO is obviously with you for a reason, not anyone else. Take your time and stick with the therapy. You deserve to be happy!

Quoting Anonymous:

Im not trippin on that at all

I refer to hoes as hoes too.  It's not disrespecting someone who clearly has no respect for themselves. It's a common slang term to use here to describe a man or woman who gets around A LOT.

I used to call him a hoe when he was still acting like one.  

Quoting Aestas:

Believe me when I tell you that a man who has no respect for some women will not respect you for long. Besides, it's hypocritical. He got around, too. Nothing wrong with men or women doing what they want as long as it's safe and consensual, but seriously. When a man disrespects other women, it's a huge warning sign.

Quoting Anonymous:

yes, he refers to certain women as hoes

He doesn't refer to me as a hoe, or any of his legit woman friends as hoes, or women who don't get around hoes.  


Quoting Aestas:

Does he seriously refer to women as "hoes"? I would not date a guy who talked about women that way.







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