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A little drama in my house tonight (kind of long)

Posted by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:44 PM
  • 58 Replies
3 moms liked this

Many of you know that I have a son that sustained a TBI when he was 10 months old. One of his frontal lobes was damaged which causes him extreme difficulty in regulating his emotions, specifically anger.

We had a really hard go for nearly 5 years with anger, isolation, depression, suicidal ideation, etc...  He finally came out of that and has been not exhibiting those things for about a year now. Well, even though he isn't doing poorly, he isn't doing well either.  He mostly hangs out in his room playing video games all night and sleeping all day. I have been encouraging him to get a job and do something with his life, but have got nowhere.  I am scared to push too hard because I can't handle him going back to how he used to be.

Well, I don't feel I ask too much of him, but everything I do ask is met with noncompliance of some sort. Last weekend, I finally got tired of it and changed the password on our wireless network to deny him internet access. It didn't send him totally back, but he did have a couple of anger outbursts and called me names.

Today, we were having a good day as a family. He actually got out and did things with us which is rare. We went out to eat. I got everyone a new cell phone. All was well.  We got home and he said he wanted internet access to be able to apply for jobs.  I told him he could use his brother's laptop for that because I knew it wouldn't have the gaming capabilities he needs to be able to play.  Well, he blew up.  He called me a bitch...blah blah blah. He told me he didn't care about me.  I told him to give me the phone back that I bought him and he refused.  He was saying a lot of mean things.  So, I told him to move out.  I told him he could take his clothing and personal care stuff, but that is it.  I told him I don't care where he goes, but he is no longer my responsibility since he only wants to use me and live off of me, but continue to treat me poorly.  He told me to get out of his room and he would pack, so I did.

About an hour later, he came out and asked if we could talk. I could tell he had been crying.  I asked if he was going to yell or call me names and if he was that we couldn't talk because I do not do those things to him. He agreed to not do that.  I went into his room.  The first thing he said was, "I don't want to go. I don't want to be like the old me. I know that isn't really me. I want to do better. I want to stay."  He was on the verge of tears.  I told him that I can't emotionally take the things he is doing. I have enough stress working and trying to take care of everyone. I explained to him that everyone needs to do their part because I can't do it alone. He kept saying that he understands.  

In the end, we agreed that he would make a list of things that he is going to adhere to so that we can find a happy medium on him contributing, looking for a job, spending time with the family, and playing his games. I told him it must include a reasonable sleep schedule.  I told him once he is done with this that he can present it to me and we can come to an agreement on what we both think is fair.  We are then going to make it into a contract.  I made it clear that if he cannot adhere to his contract, that he cannot live here.

He is working on it right now. We have struggled so much with him. I don't want to give up on him, but he needs to start taking charge of his life and put himself in a positive direction.  I can't allow him to live off of me and waste his life away because it is easier for him to isolate himself than deal with the world.

by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
5babies757
by Gold Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:46 PM
How old is he?
TrouserMouse
by Emerald Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:46 PM

18. He just turned 18 in June.

Quoting 5babies757:

How old is he?


TrouserMouse
by Emerald Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:47 PM

*oops...that was supposed to say 5 years, not hours.

embrigmom
by Gold Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Bump. Hope everything works out for you.

5babies757
by Gold Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:49 PM
1 mom liked this
Yeah, you definitely did the right thing. Hopefully he knows you were serious this time :)

Quoting TrouserMouse:

18. He just turned 18 in June.

Quoting 5babies757:

How old is he?


silverdawn99
by Ruby Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:49 PM
1 mom liked this

good for you!

its not always easy being the bad guy!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:51 PM
what is tbI?
TrouserMouse
by Emerald Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:51 PM

Traumatic Brain Injury

Quoting Anonymous:

what is tbI?


Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:52 PM
1 mom liked this

You have done the right thing.  *hugs*

MyraEllen
by Silver Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I remember your older posts about your struggles with him, and all he's been through. I feel for you guys. He struggles with his control, and you as a mom watching your baby struggle, I can't imagine.

I hope this will be a good step for him, and he sticks to it! Hope things get better, mama!!
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