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I've been feeling empty lately

Posted by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 3:31 AM
  • 59 Replies
I don't know why, but I've been just feeling out of it.. I got a job when I was pregnant but I'm about to lose my position cuz I can't return to work. My baby won't take bottles and is basically attached to my boob 24/7.

I feel like wreck. I have to shaved. I feel ugly, I don't even bathe daily anymore. My eyebrows are out of control and I have a forest where my vagina used to be.

My skin is ruined my boobs are saggy, I lost weight but I have stretch marks where I didn't think was possible to get them. I went from a size 5 to a size 16. I feel like my life is over.

I was going to enlist and was talking to recruiter the week before I found out I was pregnant. It all went down the drain. I did accomplish a few things during pregnancy. I got my GED. I got my first job. I learned how to drive... But I don't have my license or even permit so that doesn't really count.

Sometimes I just want to escape. My husband tells me I beautiful but I feel like he's lieing through his teeth. I look a mess and I don't feel like being touched half the time. I feel like a walking corpse.

Sometimes I just let my baby cry and I don't feel like picking him up. I just want to hitch a ride, change my name and start a new life. Without my family, stop eating and become a stripper or hooker while saving money for school without the intention of ever going back. So something that will make me lose all self respect and my family too. Start doing drugs and whore myself out for a modeling contract or idk anything exciting. But no, I'm not going to do that I'm just going to live a boring life as a stay at home mom (something I never thought I'd become) and stare blankly at a wall wishing I did something with my life.

I feel like a terrible mother.
But at the same time I haven't hurt my son. I feed him don't I? I try to make sure he's happy. Already hate myself that I got him circumcised when I said I wasn't going to.

I just don't know what I want. I also started smoking again. I feel like I'm on the verge of losing it. Snapping and offing myself and freeing my family of this or saving my son from possibly being hurt from me, the one person who should be protecting him.

I just want to lock myself up before I do something I'm going to regret. Idk where these feelings came from but they just appeared today and they may seem to be getting worst as the day goes on.

I'm just blank and empty and feel like crying and screaming but nothing is coming out. I haven't talked to my husband either and I told him I don't feel good and he thinks I need rest. But I can't sleep with my mind racing a million miles a minute.

My heart racing too. I just want it am to stop and I don't know what to do or where to start...
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 3:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
QuirkyMom26
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 3:33 AM
1 mom liked this

I stopped at  " I have a forest where my vagina USED to be " ...where did your vagina go?

LaughCryLive
by Ruby Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 3:35 AM
1 mom liked this
Get therapy. Now. Nobody on here can make you better. Only you can do that.
LaughCryLive
by Ruby Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 3:36 AM
Call your doctor unless you think you might hurt yourself or the baby. Then you need to go to the ER.
mizkriz73
by Bronze Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 3:37 AM

You need to see your dr. You are suffering from depression. I remember going through that with my first. It is fairly common and your dr. will help you through it.

  After you go to the dr. Have a make over girl day. Gather up some friends go shopping have your nails and hair done. Go out and have a good time.

 Talk to your hubby about giving you a day a week where you can do something just for you. Join a gym or something to get you back into shape and active.

 Sometimes as mothers we tend to lose yourselves. We must also take care of yourselves or we will not be able to care for every one else. Trust me I learned it the hard way. I no longer leave my house and my kids are teens and one just finished hs.

krissy920
by Gold Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 3:37 AM

YOu may have ppd or developed an anxiety disorder. After babies are hormones go bonkers..and trust me what you are going through happens to some women, you are not alone. I would consider talking to your doctor about how you are feeling and see if they can help you. As for the weight i know how easy that can get you down.. i think feeling good about yourself will help you  getting better in the right diction. Go to the mall get your hair or make up  done, feel beautiful like you did before the baby. Take some time to shave and start going to the gym or running outside to help you  tone back up. The stretch marks wont go away but you can get  your body shape back. I hope you can get some help so that you can start feeling like you again. We all deserve to feel happy and beautiful  .. hugs

Bleacher-mom
by Silver Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 3:40 AM

Take a break. Get a sitter or just ask your husband to watch the baby for a few hours while you spend some time to your self. Pray. Take your list, and start working on it. Shave, please, shave. Try to get back to a good routine. Understand that it maybe hard, extremely hard, but it will get better. God never allows anything to happen that he knows we can't handle, so he knows you are very strong person. Once you get past this point, you will be even stronger and will be able to help those who are in your shoes right now. Just hang in there, take steps to get your life where you want it to be. Get your license, work out, etc.

nolongermstkn
by Mstkn.identity on Jul. 7, 2013 at 3:41 AM
How old is your baby? Sounds like PPD. ((Hugs))
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da808gypsy
by Silver Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 3:42 AM
He's 8 weeks old as of yesterday. So two months I guess.

Quoting nolongermstkn:

How old is your baby? Sounds like PPD. ((Hugs))
da808gypsy
by Silver Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 3:43 AM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't know. My husband couldn't tell you either. I haven't been touched in ages.

Quoting QuirkyMom26:

I stopped at  " I have a forest where my vagina USED to be " ...where did your vagina go?

LaughCryLive
by Ruby Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 3:45 AM
1 mom liked this



Quoting LaughCryLive:

Get therapy. Now. Nobody on here can make you better. Only you can do that.

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