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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Neighbor beats his wife. Wwyd? (edit)

Posted by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:30 AM
  • 81 Replies
We live in a decent neighborhood, but some of our neighbors aren't the greatest people. One of them, a couple with 2 or 3 kids, has domestic violence issues. About 8 months ago, while I was still pregnant, the woman came over here after the man beat the crap out of her. She's done so before too, before we moved here. We live with my dh's godmom and everyone in this block knows she's a sweet, helpful person. Anyway, that time her SO left after he hit her, and didn't know she ran over here. We let her in the house, called the cops etc. She still won't leave him.

This morning I heard them yelling at each other, and a question popped up: what do I do if he hits her and she comes to us again? I have a 5 month old now. I have no issue with this girl, my fear is that if she comes here, her man will follow, kwim? I'm afraid of him coming over here to get her and putting my son in danger. So, what would you do? I can't let anyone endanger my child, but I also don't want to turn away a woman who is being hurt.

Edit: I should mention I don't hear them yelling often. This morning they happened to be outside, and I did not hear anything violent. Just heated arguing. Annoying, but not police worthy. I also do not get involved with any of this business. The one time she came over I hadn't heard anything. There was a knock at the door around 9pm and that was the first I heard that anything was going on. I'm just not sure what to do if she's randomly on my doorstep again. I'll call the cops if I hear anything serious, but I don't usually. If he's going to hit her it seems like he keeps it quiet and in the house. Let me clarify: if she comes over here I'd likely have no warning. Obviously I'd call the police, but do I let her in? Make her wait outside? I don't want to just stand there while he kills her.
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonandon
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:32 AM
Call the cops.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AjCeCeMom
by Ruby Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:33 AM
Call the police before he kills her.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AutymsMommy
by Platinum Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:35 AM

Call the cops if she comes over again.

Unfortunately, you can't just randomly call the cops. If I'm not mistaken (somebody correct me if I am), she doesn't HAVE to press charges if she doesn't want to (or can drop them at any time). This isn't an issue of - "call the cops before he kills her!"... the woman has to want help.

I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff: we have traditional gender roles, we're Catholic, I'm Libertarian, he's Republican, we're both conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee














Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:36 AM
2 moms liked this
Tell her to stop coming to my house, I wouldn't want that SOB at my home. If she hasn't left by now that's her issue she needs to stop making it yours.
Aslen
by Ruby Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Call the cops every time you hear them. Continue to do so. In some states, when it comes to DV, it's no longer up to the person being to press charges. It's automatic. Hopefully your state is one of them

Aslen
by Ruby Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:37 AM

In more and more states, it's no longer up to the vicitm. Charges WILL be filed, like it or not.


Quoting AutymsMommy:

Call the cops if she comes over again.

Unfortunately, you can't just randomly call the cops. If I'm not mistaken (somebody correct me if I am), she doesn't HAVE to press charges if she doesn't want to (or can drop them at any time). This isn't an issue of - "call the cops before he kills her!"... the woman has to want help.



pinkfairy0206
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:37 AM
That's a tough spot to be in. She won't leave him,puts herself and her kids in danger and then goes tob your house putting you and your family in potential danger. This was my childhood growing up. We were the ones running to the neighbors house scared to death cuz my dad was drunk and hitting my mom. My dad would never run after us though. Maybe if she does come back,u could try to convince her to do it?? It seems she trusts you.
twade26
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:38 AM
1 mom liked this

Don't open the door unless he is killing her. My sister came over my house because she was supposedly "scared" of her boyfriend. He came running in my house and assaulted me, not her, in front of my kids because I asked him to leave. I try not to get involved with domestic violence unless he is actively killing the other person. They will never leave them until they are ready. She ended up leaving with him before the cops got there, saying "oh well, he didn't mean it."

ayacocca
by Bronze Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:39 AM
1 mom liked this
Call the cops.. bc not only is she now bringing you her drama, she's possibly putting you guys in danger too. where I live, he'd be arrested simply bc your kid is present when you call. her household alone isn't the only one affected since she comes to yours.
momof2boy2girl
by Valerie on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:40 AM
2 moms liked this
Same here. It can take several attempts at leaving before it sticks. It is very, very difficult. I dealt with it for years before I was finally able to leave for good. I hated him, I wanted out, but I always fell on my ass. I felt trapped and it took a lot to get away for good.

Quoting Aslen:

Call the cops every time you hear them. Continue to do so. In some states, when it comes to DV, it's no longer up to the person being to press charges. It's automatic. Hopefully your state is one of them

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