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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

If he has nothing to hide then why is he deleting it? update on page 3

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 45 Replies

Let me start of by saying yes, I have been snooping on dh. I accidentally came across a conversation a few months ago that seemed off to me so I've been checking in on him from time to time. I don't really think he is cheating per say but the conversation was inappropriate. Shortly after I found it, he deleted it. Which made me wonder what other things he has deleted. Since then there have been two other women (one he currently works with and another he no longer does but keeps in contact with) that he has been chatting "inappropriately" with on fb in addition to the orginal woman.

The one he currently works with is an older woman. She's in her late 40s maybe early 50s and dh is in his mid-30s. She isn't a very attractive lady but she seems nice. Conversation between the two have been popping up through e-mail and fb a lot. Nothing really raunchy but definitely odd. Like Saturday they were talking about how it's no good when there is a lack of sex and were very flirty. She also sends him winks and comments like "I've heard how you are", "your wife is such a lucky girl", "you're so awesome, i'm glad we are friends". No real indication there is anything going on between the two but the thing is he always deletes the messages shortly after like he is hiding something.

I also noticed that dh has been searching things on FB like MILFS, older women dating younger men, and crap like that. It all makes me wonder what the heck is going on and what his intentions are. He's also accused me of "talking to other people" in the past which I have never done. All of it just seems fishy and makes me think he feels what he is doing is wrong and trying to hide it. It's not really cheating I guess, physically anyways, but it bugs me. Idk, what would you do? Should I confront him?

 

I've been talking to him on facebook today and am still trying to figure out exactly what to say when I confront him later today. I guess he could sense my distance and he actually had the gall to ask if I was talking to anyone else. *eyeroll* I told him I can guarantee I am not talking to anyone else and he responded me too. :/ Maybe my first step should be asking him to define talking to anyone else and what HE finds appropriate or not. He also said some bullcrap like "the worse has been done to me already, but not by you." Oh yeah like maybe what you are doing right now?

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lovemyirish
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:49 AM
If he's not cheating, looks like he's looking for something like it though. If he's deleting it, then he's obviously feeling like what he's doing isn't entirely innocent.
lulalacroix
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:51 AM

are you considering not confronting him?

Abby.N.Amys.Mom
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:53 AM

If he's not cheating yet he will be soon.  Nip it in the bud.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:53 AM

 I'm not really sure how to.

Quoting lulalacroix:

are you considering not confronting him?

 

fivegirls333
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:54 AM

by the time you "think" they might?...they already have.  don't get mad at me for stating the obvious, you know it yourself.  you were hoping it would just stop and go away.  that only happens in the movies.  i feel sorry that he is screwing up and you can never get full trust back.  the shit is about to hit the fan...or you can just stop checking and pretend perfection...some choose this.

sweetnsassymami
by Ruby Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:54 AM

yeah i'd confront him but i'm sure he'll deny it. I strongly believe a woman knows when something is up with her man. You need to figure out what you want to do as far as your relationship goes. If he is cheating or looking to, is the relationship over? can you work past it? what does he need to do to regain that trust back? If you give him an ultimatum be sure you follow through. If you don't, its an open invitation for him to do it again with no consequences. Good luck.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:55 AM

 That's what I think. If it was "innocent" then he wouldn't delete it. If he just left it up I would just think it was harmless flirting but by deleting it, it shows he feels guilt and knows what he is doing is wrong.

Quoting lovemyirish:

If he's not cheating, looks like he's looking for something like it though. If he's deleting it, then he's obviously feeling like what he's doing isn't entirely innocent.

 

CorpCityGrl
by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:58 AM

You need to confront him and not just let it slide.  By ignoring it, you are just enabling him and this inappropriate behavior.  Nothing physical may have happened...yet...but you don't know when the other shoe will drop. 

You can either confront him and air it all out.  Really - the e-mails are inappropriate and him erasing them means that HE knows they are inappropriate and he's doing something wrong. 

Or you can choose to ignore it and hope that it'll go away.

You have to be firm in your stance and follow through.

SnapIt
by Ruby Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:58 AM
I would save what you find and confront him

He may not have cheated yet, but this is how it starts
The talks, the attention, the testing (which is what shes doing now with him) and then it will get personal about his sex life with you and low and behold she will console him in many ways because of it

Id bring it to his attention asap
That way he sees youre onto him
The future is up to him and good luck with that
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:58 AM

Those women need to disappear today or the relationship is as good as dead. He may not have had sex with them yet but he most certainly is emotionally cheating with them. FB is supposed to be a way to keep in touch with friends and family while having games to play. He's incapable of using it properly so at this point he doesn't need a FB page either. Yes, it sounds like a mother with a child but he certainly isn't treating you very well right now, is he? I would confront him, refuse to allow him to deny it, and let him know that you WILL be going to counseling and the women and the FB page are going to disappear or you want a separation. Then I would go through with it. He needs to choose what he wants more.

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