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he's being a PAIN IN MY A$$.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies
not really but. help :) please.
dds dad and I broke up a while back and since then he stupidly decided that he's moving out of the house we shared (which I don't blame him. it was a huge reason why I left, but that's another story) and couch surfing (basically staying at his buddies house) to save money for a down payment on a house. which I think is awesome, good for him to have some goals set but to say the leastnot exactly the way I would go about it but I digress. anyways we were getting along for the most part up until a few weeks ago. and it has been hell. mainly he wants to go to court and get visitation set for every other week. like week on week off type deal. now I just feel extremely uncomfortable with it, and here's why
he works from around 6 am till most nights 6-7-8 pm 6-7 days a week. meaning she would be with a babysitter. now as my schedule goes I work 5-9 5 nights a week and I have her in daycare Tuesdays and Thursdays while I'm in school. I don't think it's fair to have her at a babysitter constantly while she's with him if I'm sitting my ass at home. I've told him over and over and over. he's welcome to her ANYTIME. ANYTIME. let me repeat ANYTIME. he can come get her anytime, keep her for the night, drop her off in the morning ect.ive asked more times than I care to count to come get her while I'm at work. but since his schedule has been so crazy I've had her the past 4 or 5 months however long we've been broken up most of the time he doesnr.I also told him that during the winter when he is layed off (seasonal job) he is more than welcome to take her for as long as he would like and if it came to it, and we went to court I would give him back the child support for the week or whatever the case. because its really not about money, hell I don't even want to go to court. but he keeps saying we're gonna fight it out so yeah. he's being a butthead. I'm assuming because he's mad that at this point in time I am NOT getting back together with him. I can't handle it anymore. our relationship literally made me physically ill. like I can't do it. but I do still love him a lot and care for him and goodness gracious I don't want to fight anymore. Kwim?
he's basically welcome to see her whenever he would like to. I have NEVER told him no, In fact I ask him most of the time and pick her up and drop her off. (if he wants her for a few hours or whatever)

I've just worked my ass of to be able to stay with dd for the most part of the day. and work exactly what I have to be able to do this. because I don't want her raised by babysitters like I was. And his babysitters are not exactly care.com material. his moms an addict. its just a mess. i HATE the fact that she's in daycare but I HAVE to go to school.
he's just making me feel like shit when I genuinely am just trying to do my best for dd.
I swear I want nothing more then for this situation we have to work out. tbh I want our family to work out but that's another story in itself. ugh I'm just confused :/ so am I being unreasonable?
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 9, 2013 at 5:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2013 at 5:43 PM
damn this is kinda long.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2013 at 5:44 PM
my bad y'all.
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on Jul. 9, 2013 at 5:46 PM
1 mom liked this

Get with your lawyer and ask for right of first refusal.  That means if it comes down to needing a sitter during his time with her, he has to ask you first.

Oh, and get a lawyer and a formal custody agreement in place if you don't have one.  Even if you are willing to be lenient with the visitation order, you should still have it down in case you ever DO need to enforce it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2013 at 5:50 PM
ohk thank you. will do. I really appreciate it. I never thought of that =)

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

Get with your lawyer and ask for right of first refusal.  That means if it comes down to needing a sitter during his time with her, he has to ask you first.

Oh, and get a lawyer and a formal custody agreement in place if you don't have one.  Even if you are willing to be lenient with the visitation order, you should still have it down in case you ever DO need to enforce it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2013 at 5:50 PM
bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 9, 2013 at 5:53 PM
What it comes down to is, you need court ordered visitation. The courts will decide based on the best interest of the child. When I was going thru my divorce, they had a huge packet of information, which you can get online, going into making visitation plans based on what is best for the child. It really was a great tool, it gave examples of beneficial visitation schedules, scenarios that fit best for children etc. Look into that then reapproach the situation with him.

Quoting Anonymous:

damn this is kinda long.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2013 at 5:56 PM
you wouldn't happen to have a link, would you?
so I could take a look when I get home?

also i know. they don't care what me or he wants. it's what's best for her. but I feel like the only reason he keeps saying this is to spite me, piss me off and get me upset because its the only thing he has anymore.

but thank you for your advice. I appreciate it :)

Quoting Anonymous:

What it comes down to is, you need court ordered visitation. The courts will decide based on the best interest of the child. When I was going thru my divorce, they had a huge packet of information, which you can get online, going into making visitation plans based on what is best for the child. It really was a great tool, it gave examples of beneficial visitation schedules, scenarios that fit best for children etc. Look into that then reapproach the situation with him.



Quoting Anonymous:

damn this is kinda long.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2013 at 5:57 PM
bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2013 at 6:08 PM
bump
Peaceful.chaos
by Ruby Member on Jul. 9, 2013 at 6:10 PM
It really seems as though you SHOULD have a visitation order in place just to save yourself the stress of dealing with him at this point. I really have no advice and I wish you the best of luck getting things straightened out.
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