Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

being a stay at home mom is not a real job. :( need encouragement! UPDATE #2

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I AM A SAHM. my dh just told me it's not a real job. he told me how easy it would be. i do nothing. watching a baby all day is easy. shes 16 months. i wouldnt say its easy, maybe im not doing the most difficult job ob the planet. but easy? not to mention, i do clean. i clean all 3 of our laundry, fold, and put away. i usually do dishes. the only things dh has ever helped with is dishes, vacuum, and uhmmmm. yeah. hes throws his clothes everywhere, kitchen and living room. bathroom, bedroom.

what really offended me is that i was just nicely telling him i would love him to just give me more encouragement. if he wants the house CLEANER it would help me to get a little praise every once in a while. i have no friends and im still breastfeeding and im hardly apart from dd except for 4-6 hours a week at school, 2 days a week, 2-3 each of those 2 days. so i told him a little praise or whatever would be nice since i am exhausted and its hard sometimes to get goin and he gets all rollin his eyes irritated and tells me i dont even do anything. i argued with him, look at this house! hes like yeah its clean today but its usually not. hes says that every day! fact is, when its not clean one day i guess to him one dirty day is 2 years and 1 clean day is 2 minutes. he says being a "mom" isnt even a real job. cleaning is womens work, he should never have to help me and he never watches the baby. ever. i am exhausted.
fact is leaving the house dirty helps nothing. i dont wanna live in a messy house. just to have him bash on me more. i dont know what to do. he gets really worked up and angry, telling me how hard he works. and i dont do anything compared to him so i should get everything done that there is to do cuz even that isnt a real job.

this is a quote "a mom isnt even a real person they dont even live in the real world." omg. can i say, seriously hurt. a real person? why get so worked up when i asked nicely for him to notice my work more. well i guess the answer to that is, it isnt even work! so why notice. im so offended. i walked out and cried in the other room. hes the only freaking person i have and he thinks nothing of me. i work so hard to be a good mother. ugh

Thank you ladies for all your words! advice, and even the bashing, helps get my mind off things. exhausted today so i might be overly emotional lol blehhhh. gonna go sleep on the couch tonight. cuz i know dh hates it! haha!

***
SO I TALKED TO DH THIS EVENING. he is messed up. theres so much more to him than just, oh no theres a toy in my walkway.

he NEEDS counseling. but i know he wont do it.
LET ME GIVE A BACKSTORY...UGH
im 19, he is also 19(explains alot, huh) we have been married 17 1/2 months. dd is 16 1/2..do the math, i was 8 months pregnant at our lovely wedding. and 18 too! weve been together about 5 years. he was absolutely in love with me! crazy in love! i thought he was a freak. anyways, 3 years into our relationship, 3 1/2 actually, we had sex for the first time. the 5th time, i conceived dd, very accidentally. it was a horrible time. little 17 year olds. we were such children! (yeah i know, im only 19) but i feel so old now. no friends. i havent been separated from dd for more than 3 hours since shes been born, and that was hardly at all. so yeah i lost myself. dh feels like all his dreams were crushed. he didnt want kids til maybe 30. to this day he feels like his whole life was ruined. he says he loves dd, but wishes she would have come wayyyy later. which i understand.
we planned on getting married before we had sex. so it was an easy decision to get married already. we truely loved eachother, still do. he says he feels neglected, cuz now dd is my friend instead of him. of course i told him thats not true, and that its such a common thing for men to feel! i explained that we needed to work on our relationship more.
anyways, he was especially down during our convo and basically told me nothing could make him happy. that life is ruined cuz he had a baby and didnt get to fulfill his life long dream to join the marines. my heart was breaking.
sorry, so long.
we talked for hours, there were moments i was holding back tears, moments being like the whole damn time! lol
it was a MIRACLE i got him to talk at all. you have no idea.
BY THE END of the convo it was getting better.
so i gave him a metaphor:
i am a car who needs fuel. that fuel i need is something only you can give me, and its love. the more love you give me, the cleaner the house will be.
this has proven true! its like a boost of energy knowing that he loves me and im actually worth something to him. when he cuts me down. i feel like im dragging all day. my best friend/dh thinks im trash, couldnt care less about me! it repeats in my head all day! what motivation!
well i think he got the point. he was very loving. ALMOST like old times i suppose. we also had really amazing sex i mean i had an orgasm and thats like only the 6th time thats happened during sex! sorry tmi! i love when we can talk things out, it draws us closer.

btw, the physical abuse thing, i dont think he physically abuses me. i think he honestly believes it doesnt hurt, and if it does it shouldnt cuz i should be "tough". me acting like it hurt, makes him angry "i hit my sister like that all the time and she doesnt think it hurts!" (shes is 2 or 3 times my size, im the freakishly skinny anon mom from another post a few days ago lol)
his dad was also a marine and was a freakish father when his children were young. you know, not aloud to cry, have feelings, be tough etc.
so well see. marriage is work. im just hoping dh will realize that, because so far im the only one putting in any work for it!

BTW, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MY POST GOT THIS MANY REPLIES. CRAZY. THANKS FOR THE ENCOIRAGEMENT LADIES, HONESTLY HAS BEEN HELPFUL!
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 9, 2013 at 11:53 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:08 AM
I WISH! but i would be the one missing my dd so bad i could stay away!

Quoting littlesippycup:

Oh baby =( He needs to have to take care of the house and kids for a day without you =) That usually teaches them a very good lesson about what it's really like without the violence!!

Quoting Anonymous:

though thats sounds good right now, i really dont want that :( we get along well, besides how disrespectful he is to me..



Quoting littlesippycup:

I would kick him in the ass so hard. Seriously.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:08 AM
You picked him.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:08 AM
1 mom liked this
Have him stay home for a week and make him do everything you do. He will change his tune.
Mrs.Pedro
by Gold Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:08 AM
2 moms liked this
I could not stay with someone like that. I don't forget things like that... If my husband disrespects me once it will resonate for months or even more. I wouldn't be able to feel all lovey dovey or want sex with him or to even be around him... That's no way to live.
areyouatroll
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:08 AM
1 mom liked this
Ya great example for your child. Sexist dad and pushover mom
KGreen75
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:09 AM
I think it's m easy and fun job.

However you should both appreciate what the other does for the family, your dh sounds like an ass.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
cwahtomy
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:09 AM
:( it's sad that your husbands thinks so little of you. I personally believe that any man who thinks he can be a better mother figure then the actual mother should do everything that we do for themselves THEN come and tell us how it's not a hard/real job.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:09 AM
pig is me a dh's favorite word. we call eachother pigs, jokingly, everyday. but i would have to agree, he really is a pig at times!

Quoting quickbooksworm:

He sounds like a pig.
Raindancerx
by Platinum Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:09 AM

If he thinks it isn't so bad tell him you will trade him. He can keep his ass home and care for y'alls baby and you can go to work and make sure to mess up the house when you get home.

MicheleJM
by Ruby Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:09 AM

Well after I shoved my size 9 foot up his ass I would sit down with him and tell him how hurtful his remarks are.  And I would want to know why he's making them.  Does he really want you to work outside the home and not saying so would be what I would ask him. Does he resent you being home?  Does he have specific problems with the house?  I did when my ex was unemployed.  I'd come home from work and he would have done NOTHING to clean or cook dinner.  And it wasn't like he was watching them both kids constantly I believe one at least was in pre-k at the time.  Believe me it gets fricking old fast to wonder if he was sitting on his ass all day while I worked.  I'm not saying this is you I'm saying it caused a big problem for US.  So yes you two need to have a rational discussion about expectations.  And after that if he is still on this mom isn't a real person kick I'd shove my foot so far up there it'd take an enema to get it back out.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)