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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

She's ruining her life for him!!

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:06 AM
  • 16 Replies
My 18 year old friend (whos like a little sister to me) is getting married at the courthouse tomorrow to a 23 year old man that she hasnt even known for a YEAR! Okay, thats not even the worst part, he has been teching her cult-like beliefs about Christianity, for example that Pastors are ungodly and unbiblical because theyre educated (this guy didnt make it thru high school), and that having sex makes you married (so there just making it legal tomorrow). And the worst part!! She's not going to college any more!! She's limiting her potential so much just for this man.

Im not the only one with a problem. Her entire family thinks this is crazy and bad, but she's plugging her ears to all the ones who are trying to talk to her. Her amily barely knows this guy, he talkes to no one but my friend when he went to the parents house. She ran away a month ago to go live with him, and ever since she announced - on wednesday! - that theyre getting married tomorrow she has refused to answer calls or emails fro anyone who is less than supportive, and she's deleting all the facebook comments of "nay-sayers". She is ruining her life for him, and she wont let any of us talk to her!!


Okay, so vent over.
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
BPonderal
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:08 AM
Sorry for the typos and grammatical errors, Im on my phone and have a hard time posting via said lame phone.


*apologetic bump*
Dbooski
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:12 AM
What every mom dreads and preps her daughter to avoid. First question- does she have daddy issues? Secondly, I've been there with a friend. It sucks. That's a "gotta walk the path to see the light" kind of life lesson, I've found
quinnsmom715
by Donna on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:12 AM

sadly,some people are blinded by love..in 10 years shell be a used up brainwashed breeder for this guys cult..

BPonderal
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:21 AM
Seriously tho, I think he could be in one. Ive never had a good feeling about him.


Quoting quinnsmom715:

sadly,some people are blinded by love..in 10 years shell be a used up brainwashed breeder for this guys cult..


BPonderal
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:24 AM
Id be surprised if she has daddy issues. She has a great dad, her parents were like my second set growing up.

I just wish she didnt have to "walk the path to see the light". Everyone else sees the light like a deer in the headlights.


Quoting Dbooski:

What every mom dreads and preps her daughter to avoid. First question- does she have daddy issues? Secondly, I've been there with a friend. It sucks. That's a "gotta walk the path to see the light" kind of life lesson, I've found

brandydesiree
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:29 AM
I don't see an issue with the time frame they've been together. I married DH after one year of dating... Still going strong 12 years later. However, all of the rest of the post freaks me out! She seems quite gullible and naive. Those are all red flags for a very controlling and limited existence. I would be terrified for my friend.
liels898
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:35 AM
1 mom liked this

The best way to help someone in this position is to support her, not her decisions. You don't have to agree with her but if she feels supported by you that at least leaves a door open for her to bail out from should she figure out that this was a mistake. Everyone seems to think it's black and white when people make decisions like this, like they either have to tell them every little detail about what they're doing wrong or they have to just let them be and ignore it. But in reality, if they're really your friend or your family, the best thing you can ever do is just let them know that you're worried but that's all you're going to say on it because you love them and you want them to know you're there for them. 

Hopefully she'll realize how off he is sooner rather than later. In the mean time, if you can keep that door open, I would try to get her involved in something with you. Like a regular thing you do every week or something, preferrably something you can talk to her during, like she comes over for lunch or something. Just because he sounds like the type that will try to cut her off from everyone else and she probably won't even see that's what he's doing. And I would talk to her family and tell them to try and do the same thing. Stop the lecturing, that's going to make her stubborn and easier to manipulate by him. Just try to keep her as involved with friends and family as you can and see where it goes. 

BPonderal
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:43 AM
Well I get that, I married my DH after a year of dating,but she hasnt even KNOWN him for an entire year, and the age gap gets me everytime I think about it. Thet started "dating" when she was still 17 (I get that its not illegal, but its creepy)


Quoting brandydesiree:

I don't see an issue with the time frame they've been together. I married DH after one year of dating... Still going strong 12 years later. However, all of the rest of the post freaks me out! She seems quite gullible and naive. Those are all red flags for a very controlling and limited existence. I would be terrified for my friend.

Fatal_Frost
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:49 AM
She's just become an adult, and if she's not going to listen to the advice of friends, there are things she'll just have to learn the hard way
BPonderal
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:49 AM
Well, thats part of the problem. Even before they were officially dating, she would blow me off to hang out with him. I asked her to come visit me in the hospital after I had my DD and she said she couldnt because she was hanging out with him. She didnt even meet my DD until 2 weeks later, and she only stayed for 15minutes, and she brought him (who seemed annoyed the entire time). I've known her for 10 years, she's basically my little sister, and this is how she was/is treating me, all because of him.


Quoting liels898:

The best way to help someone in this position is to support her, not her decisions. You don't have to agree with her but if she feels supported by you that at least leaves a door open for her to bail out from should she figure out that this was a mistake. Everyone seems to think it's black and white when people make decisions like this, like they either have to tell them every little detail about what they're doing wrong or they have to just let them be and ignore it. But in reality, if they're really your friend or your family, the best thing you can ever do is just let them know that you're worried but that's all you're going to say on it because you love them and you want them to know you're there for them. 

Hopefully she'll realize how off he is sooner rather than later. In the mean time, if you can keep that door open, I would try to get her involved in something with you. Like a regular thing you do every week or something, preferrably something you can talk to her during, like she comes over for lunch or something. Just because he sounds like the type that will try to cut her off from everyone else and she probably won't even see that's what he's doing. And I would talk to her family and tell them to try and do the same thing. Stop the lecturing, that's going to make her stubborn and easier to manipulate by him. Just try to keep her as involved with friends and family as you can and see where it goes. 


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