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She's ruining her life for him!!

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My 18 year old friend (whos like a little sister to me) is getting married at the courthouse tomorrow to a 23 year old man that she hasnt even known for a YEAR! Okay, thats not even the worst part, he has been teching her cult-like beliefs about Christianity, for example that Pastors are ungodly and unbiblical because theyre educated (this guy didnt make it thru high school), and that having sex makes you married (so there just making it legal tomorrow). And the worst part!! She's not going to college any more!! She's limiting her potential so much just for this man.

Im not the only one with a problem. Her entire family thinks this is crazy and bad, but she's plugging her ears to all the ones who are trying to talk to her. Her amily barely knows this guy, he talkes to no one but my friend when he went to the parents house. She ran away a month ago to go live with him, and ever since she announced - on wednesday! - that theyre getting married tomorrow she has refused to answer calls or emails fro anyone who is less than supportive, and she's deleting all the facebook comments of "nay-sayers". She is ruining her life for him, and she wont let any of us talk to her!!


Okay, so vent over.
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:06 AM
Replies (11-16):
areyouatroll
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:56 AM
1 mom liked this
Ask her where she is going to be in 5 years, where she sees herself.

When she questions that or answers, say see, I was thinking how crazy it was that 5 years AGO, you guys were (insert story from five years ago) , and how you never pictured your future to be like this....


This will get her thinking of what she wanted, and will want...she's infatuated and its clouding her judgement....she needs to become infatuated with her dreams again...

liels898
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 1:00 AM

Yeah, I'm sure that stings. Hopefully you can still be supportive and she'll have a wake up call sometime soon. 


Quoting BPonderal:

Well, thats part of the problem. Even before they were officially dating, she would blow me off to hang out with him. I asked her to come visit me in the hospital after I had my DD and she said she couldnt because she was hanging out with him. She didnt even meet my DD until 2 weeks later, and she only stayed for 15minutes, and she brought him (who seemed annoyed the entire time). I've known her for 10 years, she's basically my little sister, and this is how she was/is treating me, all because of him.


Quoting liels898:

The best way to help someone in this position is to support her, not her decisions. You don't have to agree with her but if she feels supported by you that at least leaves a door open for her to bail out from should she figure out that this was a mistake. Everyone seems to think it's black and white when people make decisions like this, like they either have to tell them every little detail about what they're doing wrong or they have to just let them be and ignore it. But in reality, if they're really your friend or your family, the best thing you can ever do is just let them know that you're worried but that's all you're going to say on it because you love them and you want them to know you're there for them. 

Hopefully she'll realize how off he is sooner rather than later. In the mean time, if you can keep that door open, I would try to get her involved in something with you. Like a regular thing you do every week or something, preferrably something you can talk to her during, like she comes over for lunch or something. Just because he sounds like the type that will try to cut her off from everyone else and she probably won't even see that's what he's doing. And I would talk to her family and tell them to try and do the same thing. Stop the lecturing, that's going to make her stubborn and easier to manipulate by him. Just try to keep her as involved with friends and family as you can and see where it goes. 




BPonderal
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 1:13 AM
This would be easier to do, if she wasnt ignoring us (us being her close friends and family). She'll probably ignore us until after their legally married tomorrow.


Quoting areyouatroll:

Ask her where she is going to be in 5 years, where she sees herself.



When she questions that or answers, say see, I was thinking how crazy it was that 5 years AGO, you guys were (insert story from five years ago) , and how you never pictured your future to be like this....





This will get her thinking of what she wanted, and will want...she's infatuated and its clouding her judgement....she needs to become infatuated with her dreams again...




areyouatroll
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:44 AM
iTs all about leading her into ideas without actually saying it... and she wont be ruining her life by getting married...she will by staying with him...

Quoting BPonderal:

This would be easier to do, if she wasnt ignoring us (us being her close friends and family). She'll probably ignore us until after their legally married tomorrow.




Quoting areyouatroll:

Ask her where she is going to be in 5 years, where she sees herself.





When she questions that or answers, say see, I was thinking how crazy it was that 5 years AGO, you guys were (insert story from five years ago) , and how you never pictured your future to be like this....








This will get her thinking of what she wanted, and will want...she's infatuated and its clouding her judgement....she needs to become infatuated with her dreams again...






Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:50 AM
Starting researching good lawyers and laws on restraining orders, I'm guessing abuse will start right after they are legally married, hopefully that will pop the bubble of lies he has created around her and she will come running home. Be prepared to fight him to free her and keep him away from her.
villagemamma
by Platinum Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:55 AM

unfortunately there really isnt a ton that you can do. my little sister married a complete douche. The only thing that you can really do so that you are not cut out of her life completely is to always be there for her and support her in any way possible. if shes really unhappy eventually the marriage will fall apart and she will need a friend like you to help pick her back up. Everyone is young and dumb at some point and "love" tends to bring out the worse in that. Some people dont learn their lesson until after they experienced it for themselves.

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