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My husband still has feelings for another UPDATE

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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1 mom liked this

He had an online emotional affair. He told me he didn't love me anymore. But she broke up with him and he decided to stay with me for the kids' sake. - I know. But I love him and I didn't want to lose him. So I accepted it.

It's been a over a month now. He said he is starting to care about me again and it has felt that way. He said he didn't care for her anymore, that he never really cared about her, but then I found a comment on a youtube music video that he made.

"I lost someone so dear to me, that I cared´╗┐ so much for. It was my fault and I don't think this person ever really got my goodbye message. Maybe it's better this way. Maybe we will talk again someday..."

I confronted him and he tried to blow it off as nothing. I dunno what I expected from him. He was in a way in love with her. More of a fantasy I think. I guess I should have expected him to mourn that relationship. But it kills me that he still has feelings for her.

And the implications of this comment is damning to our relationship. He "lost" her - meaning he didn't want it to end. It was his fault? What was? That I found out about it and told her to back off? And then, "Maybe we will talk again someday..." I can't trust him not to hurt me again.

I told him it was over and we need to make plans. He doesn't want to end it now. He keeps saying he is so sorry. That he wants to make it work with me. That he cares about me. But I don't think I can do this anymore.



I really appreciate your advice and encouragement. So DH and I talked some more. He is on board with the separation now. In fact, a little too on board. He talks excitedly about his new life downtown. He talks about getting a motorcycle and already has a place picked out within walking distance to his downtown job.

He's offered to help support me and the children while I get through school. Really he's being very generous in that aspect. I probably won't need to work and will be able to school full time instead.


I'm trying not to be angry/hurt. I'm focusing more on our plans. Apparently, it's no simple matter to tear a shared life into two separate ones. I remind myself a lot that this is for the best. I still love him like crazy so it's hard for me to see him so happy to go. And know it's because he doesn't love me anymore. And I feel almost like he manipulated the situation so I would be the one to make him leave. I dunno...

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
EmilysMom2010
by Ruby Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:51 AM
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He just doesn't want to be alone. I would set that mother fucker free!
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:52 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:52 AM

Do you know for sure that it wasn't physical?  If it is just that he was emotionally involved, I would just give it time.  He can't help the way he feels, but he has to make the decision to cut all ties with her forever and to move on with you.  He can't have it both ways.

quinnsmom715
by Donna on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:52 AM
2 moms liked this

you are his backup plan..

MaNdYbEaR2010
by *Manda* on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree with the first poster. He just doesn't want to be alone. While he may care for you in some way, is he really in love with you? I definitely think time away is needed and you can make a better deision later with a clearer head. Good luck.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:54 AM

when did he post that comment on the video? could it have been right after they stopped talking, so old feelings? i really think you guys need to try some sort of counseling if you want to try and make it work. i don't know that i could ever really forgive or move past something like that. so sorry mama

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:54 AM

It's your life and you need to live it the way you want to live it.  Your the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror every morning.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:55 AM

Actually he does. He wanted a seperation for a long time. Because he hates the stress of family life. The kids stress him out. And he's OCD so it bugs him to have kids around messing up stuff. He loves them but he talks about wanting to be alone a lot.


Quoting EmilysMom2010:

He just doesn't want to be alone. I would set that mother fucker free!



owl0210
by Emerald Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this
I'd be meeting with a divorce attorney but that's just me...
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:57 AM

Pretty confident it wasn't. She lives far away and I never saw any evidence of anything sexual in the emails I combed through.


Quoting Anonymous:

Do you know for sure that it wasn't physical?  If it is just that he was emotionally involved, I would just give it time.  He can't help the way he feels, but he has to make the decision to cut all ties with her forever and to move on with you.  He can't have it both ways.



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