He had an online emotional affair. He told me he didn't love me anymore. But she broke up with him and he decided to stay with me for the kids' sake. - I know. But I love him and I didn't want to lose him. So I accepted it.
It's been a over a month now. He said he is starting to care about me again and it has felt that way. He said he didn't care for her anymore, that he never really cared about her, but then I found a comment on a youtube music video that he made.
"I lost someone so dear to me, that I cared so much for. It was my fault and I don't think this person ever really got my goodbye message. Maybe it's better this way. Maybe we will talk again someday..."
I confronted him and he tried to blow it off as nothing. I dunno what I expected from him. He was in a way in love with her. More of a fantasy I think. I guess I should have expected him to mourn that relationship. But it kills me that he still has feelings for her.
And the implications of this comment is damning to our relationship. He "lost" her - meaning he didn't want it to end. It was his fault? What was? That I found out about it and told her to back off? And then, "Maybe we will talk again someday..." I can't trust him not to hurt me again.
I told him it was over and we need to make plans. He doesn't want to end it now. He keeps saying he is so sorry. That he wants to make it work with me. That he cares about me. But I don't think I can do this anymore.
I really appreciate your advice and encouragement. So DH and I talked some more. He is on board with the separation now. In fact, a little too on board. He talks excitedly about his new life downtown. He talks about getting a motorcycle and already has a place picked out within walking distance to his downtown job.
He's offered to help support me and the children while I get through school. Really he's being very generous in that aspect. I probably won't need to work and will be able to school full time instead.
I'm trying not to be angry/hurt. I'm focusing more on our plans. Apparently, it's no simple matter to tear a shared life into two separate ones. I remind myself a lot that this is for the best. I still love him like crazy so it's hard for me to see him so happy to go. And know it's because he doesn't love me anymore. And I feel almost like he manipulated the situation so I would be the one to make him leave. I dunno...