You want me to go where? Gah Im disgusting! =/ *Updated*
Anyway. My DF made plans for us to go to a water park with a bunch of his friends. At the beginning of the week I told him i didnt want to go because of the way I looked and i just wouldnt feel comfortable. I have never met any of these friends because theyre people he doesnt see often. So as the week went pass I started feeling better about it. We went and got me a new bathing suit but he insisted it be a two piece. Then today he walks in the bathroom and weighs himself before we make breakfast and is like "Oh wow Ive gained weight" I just laughed and was like whatever but the he said "No really i weighed 108 before now im 111."
At this point I told him I wasnt hungry and walked out of the kitchen. I sobbed in the shower for 30 minutes. I feel so disgusting. I dont want to go. Tomorrow is going to suck so bad. I hate myself so much right now. We dont live together and my daughter is such a handful wth everything thats been going on I dont have time to myself. When DF is around we want to spend time together and do things as a family. I didnt eat anything until late tonight because the thought of eating anything made me want to vomit. I struggled with being anorexic in middle school and freshman year. I just want to starve myself but i know ill never be beautiful again.
None of his friends have kids and like all mine do so i just dont feel like they will understand and think im just a bitch. Btw screw all of you who say stretch marks are your "tiger strips" "trophies" blah blah blah Thats such BS. No one is going to look at me and say "Oh wow look at all her stretch marks, she looks great with all that flab, go her!" No. They're thinking why is that hot ass guy with that disgustingly fat cick?!
*UPDATE* So ended up I decided to wear the two piece but I hadnt tried it on before and it didn't even fit. So I felt like crap that I had gotten a large and couldn't even fit that. I had another two piece that my sister had gave me so I wore that instead because the old one piece I had was too small. Well my sisters old swim suit was big and hung off me the whole time. I was uncomfortable and kept having small anxiety attacks. But finally it got to the point where I was just like fuck it and had fun.
I felt kinda left out since I didn't know anyone but DF but by the end of the day I felt a bit more included.
ALSO as a commenter pointed out. Everyone is attracted to different people and if your going to tell me to be comfortable with myself how are you going to turn around and say he is disgusting? Also he is a great guy and amazing dad. Everything he says is trying to be funny and get me to lighten up and feel more comfortable but doesn't really understand that it just makes me feel worse.
DF is 24 5'11 and 111
I am 20 4'11 and 148
LO is 10 wks and 4 days 23 inches and 12 lbs :)