I got home tonight and I see a stray dog on my porch- except it isn't a stray dog. It's a fucking spider as big as a dinner plate. So I get the hairspray and the wasp killer (I may have slightly overreacted... I didn't get my .22, although I considered it, so props for that decision) so I go out to kill the mother fucker and guess what?! He has an even bigger friend! So I'm busy sending the sons of bitches back to whatever hell they came from and I turn around and there's a fucking scorpion staring my down. So I stepped on his sorry ass. But now I'm inside and every time I feel something brush me I'm convinced that their families are coming to avenge their deaths.
on Jul. 13, 2013 at 3:28 AM