I let my daughter live with her father and...(update P7)
This is long. Sorry. I'm freaking out.
My daughter is now 12. When she was just shy of 11 she started saying she wanted to spend more time with her dad. I found it odd at first because she doesn't care for her step mother, her step sister or her half sister...whom she is now stuck sharing a room with. (They live in a 2 bedroom condo. I live in a 4 bedroom house )
It all started because she developed a really close sisterly friendship with a new girl at school. They would always be together, skipping and holding hands. Literally. One little douchey girl that I've never cared for started a rumor that they were lesbians. (They're not, and if they were good for them, I don't care). But being a sensitive preteen it really REALLY bothered her.
She happened to go to her dads that weekend where I'm sure he coaxed her into thinking things like that just don't happen in his town (bullshit, I grew up there it happens). She called me or had her grandma calle actually, and say she wants to move down there. She needs a change etc.
A piece of me died right there on the phone.
(Her father left when she was around 2. I've been with my current husband since she was around 3.5, they get a long great, she has no memory of her father and I living together)
I finally convinced her that she should wait until summer vacation and she could spend the whole summer at her dads and if she still wanted to move there I'd let her.
I figured she would hate it, and I'd still be the good guy. Because let's face it, if I said no I'm a bitch who keeps her from her dad. I say yes I'm a bitch her let her go.
Unbeknownst to me her father had other plans. One afternoon after school she said she was feeling much better and was waiting until summer to decide. Her father called. Everything changes. He told her how AWESOME her new school is, how AWESOME her new bed set is that he just got her. how she's getting her own cell phone. Etc etc
Her father set her up at a school in his town and in one afternoon it went from a summer stay to she was moving after Christmas vacation.
I was 7 months pregnant. Overly emotional and damn near insane because I let her go. However I let her go under false pretenses. I was assured she could come back no questions asked, he would drive her to or from my home (like I always had when she lived with me) and she was supposedly living with his mother. I thought that'd be a good experience for her, neutralish party where she wouldn't feel guilty for not living with her dad or not living with her mom.
Lie. She's living with her father his wife and 2 other children.
I was railroaded into it.
Her father/side of the family has driven less than 5 times. I have to drive both ways or I don't get to see her. Even when I was 9 months pregnant. (I live about 1.5 hrs away)
The first summer after she moved, she wanted to come home. She missed me her brothers her family and friends. She told her father, his response?
If you can give me a good enough reason.
She listed many, each was shot down.
He's very manipulative and frankly, a narcissist.
She doesn't feel comfortable talking to him doesn't want to ever disagree with him or rock the boat so to speak. I can't say I blame her.
He's a HARD person to live with listen to and to please.
She sees this now and asks me why he won't just let her come home. Why doesn't he care what she wants like I did. It's heart breaking.
On one hand, I'm happy she can finally see his true colors, on the other, it saddens me that at 12 years old she can't think of her father as the greatest thing since sliced bread, as she should.
Now there's more drama and shit in between but, now I'm going to court (on my second hearing of the trial this week)
I have a feeling I'm going to lose and it's making me sick to my stomach.
Another fact that is relevant, his lawyer didn't file his modification papers until about 2 months ago. She backdated his signature and lied about it. I have the cold hard proof that she lied and my lawyer is using that against them, threatening for sanctions against him and saying that the agreement should be void because it was falsified and not filed until after I/my des no longer agreed to it (over 1.5 years later)
We had a pretrial hearing (which honestly I didn't know that's what it was until after, I've never done anything like this obviously). It was apparently a hearing to see where my dd should stay during the trial. The judge set temporary custody with her father stating that she's been living there over a year and didn't see how it would benefit her to remove her even temporarily. It's the fkn summer, I at minimum should've gotten her for that. Has any one ever had a temporary custody order go to the other parent then have custody granted to them at trial? I mean seriously he's had her for over a year? So what!? I had her for 11 plus 9 months not to mention it was only 6 mo when she first tried moving back.
I'm so confused by all this. And sick.
In all of my 32 years this is the only thing I regret. I should've known better, I should've known I couldn't trust his word. I should've known that I'd be giving away my only daughter.
I don't know what I'll do if we lose this week because frankly I don't have any more money to keep my lawyer fat and happy, I've already spent almost 4 grand.
Also side note, my daughter and I have a great relationship, never any issues before or now, she's in a stable home here, so there's no reason I would be 'unfit' by any means, just have an aching feeling the judge will say "ehhh she's already there so she should just stay there" it doesn't help that I'm going up against someone who could convince a blind man he could see and his never ending bank account via his daddy
Thoughts? Am I doomed to see my baby girl twice a fkn month for the next 5 years until she is 18?