SDD isn't getting any school clothes for this year and we are taking back the laptop we got her update in pink
SDD is 14 she lives with her mom primarily but is with us every other weekend, half the summer and one day during the week. I have been in her life since she was 5 we got married when she was 7. DH makes about $5,800 before taxes and paying for insurance and his 401k (which is the amount child support is based off of). He pays $826 a month for child support (SDD is his only child with his ex). However, after taxes and paying for insurance and paying into his 401k, he only brings home about $4000 then of course we pay the $826 in child support. Despite all that and despite the fact that their court order specifically says that the child support is supposed to cover clothes for SDD, we are always the ones who buy the bulk of SDD's clothes. Reason being, her mom doesn't make much money and it often comes down to buying SDD clothes or keeping the electricity on or buying groceries. No it's not really fair to us but we have always done it.
But this year, our budget is a bit tight tight, we are certainly not broke, we are just going to have to scale back a bit. We have a 3 year old and a 5 year old together and I am 16 weeks pregnant. I also have an 11 year old DD with my ex, I do get child support for her, $1200 a month (but that is all her dad does for her, he never sees her) For her, the clothes budget isn't tight. I always pay her part of the bills (5 people living here so 1/5 of the bills and household spending like groceries) the rest goes for either her activities or clothes or whatever she needs and the rest I put in savings just in case her dad doesn't pay one month or something, which has never happened but you never know. I do this because I never want her to be able to say I mismanaged her child support (which is what my dad's ex wife did with my half brothers and he is still pissed about it).
Anyway, we told SDD that we would not be able to spend as much on her clothes this year. Usually we spend about $300 but this year, it will probably only be $125. She threw a fit because she saw what DD got, which is her normal amount (I took DD last week because PS, her favorite store was having a huge sale, SDD wasn't with us at the time but she doesn't shop at PS anymore anyway). We explained that we only use her child support for that and that CS is only for DD. Then SDD flipped out, she pointed at my belly and said "you should have just aborted it if you can't take care of the kids you have". I'll be honest, I was ready to smack her but I walked away. DH yelled at her and called her a spoiled little brat and told her that he doesn't owe her a damn thing, he pays his child support and the court order says child support is supposed to cover clothes. He told her to go to her room.
He came to our room where I was so upset. I mean what kind of person says something like that over clothes, not even clothes that are needed, just extra because she has clothes, she just wants new ones for the start of school. We decided that as punishment, we will not buy SDD anything for the start of the school year. Since her mom doesn't have the money, she won't have anything new, she can wear the clothes she wore last year. Also her birthday is comming up next week and we got her a laptop, not an expensive one but she has been wanting one for a while so we made it happen. We decided to go to her room, show her the laptop, tell her it was her birthday present but after what she said, we are taking it back. She will have a birthday dinner at our house but she won't get presents.
I am still so angry with her over what she said. She has never gone without, she has always had everything she needed and a lot of what she wanted. We have always made sure she had one on one time with her dad but still felt like part of the family. What would you have done in that situation?
I have tried to read through the responses but there are a lot. So I will try to respond to frequently posted comments
Yes, if she was my bio child, she would be in just as much, if not more trouble.
DD gets the same amount because we get her clothes money from the CS. the CS is not being split by more people like DH's pay check is, therefore, there is no reason she should get less.
We didn't tell SDD she was getting less then DD. We told her we were spending less then usual, she saw DD's clothes and realized we spent more then $125 on them.
She is not a child, she is almost 15 and going into 10th grade. She is old enough to understand that there are some things you just don't say. She is also old enough to learn to think before she speaks.
We can afford all of the kids. $300 per kid for back to school clothes is EXTRA it is not a need. We still were willing to give $125 which would have bought her plenty. Also, any clothes we buy her are extra because BM is supposed to pay for the clothes with CS.
The reason we showed her the laptop is because not getting the laptop was a huge part of her punishment. It isn't much of a punishment if she doesn't know about it. We also wanted her to know that we were thinking of her and she isn't second class, that we did buy her something nice for her birthday. Had this happened after her birthday, we probably would have just taken the laptop from her for a while but since it hasn't been opened, we figured take it back, get the money back until we decide to get one. If she shows that she is really sorry, she might get one for Christmas, maybe.
Thank you for all the supportive comments. I do feel like me and DH might have helped her become this spoiled by buying her so much extra but hopefully going this year without back to school clothes with fix the problem