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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Would You Divorce Over This?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 108 Replies

 I've been married for 10 years.  We have three kids who will all be in school next year.  I've always been a SAHM, but DH has expressed that he wants me to go to work in the fall.  That's fine with me.  I'd planned on it anyway.  However, he expressed to me last night that he doesn't expect his life to change at all, i.e., he doesn't expect to have to start helping around the house or help with the kids at all.  He's always been high maintenance.  He does nothing around the house, with the kids, or with our vehicles.  He doesn't take out the trash.  He doesn't make sure the oil in the cars is changed.  When I say nothing, I mean absolutely NOTHING.  I've been okay with that because I've been a SAHM.  But if I'm going to start working, and he expects me to continue to wait on him hand and foot and he won't even help me with the kids...I'm not okay with that. 

How about you?  Would you leave over something like this?  I feel like I would be a single mom with 4 kids instead of 3.

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
peanutsmommy1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:46 AM
13 moms liked this

I wouldn't have been ok with that attidue for the past 10 years

AT ALL

spooky415
by Ruby Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:46 AM
4 moms liked this
I wouldnt have stayed with a man who had such thick lines dividing family duties. My husband and I are a team at home, regardless of who works outside of the house.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:47 AM

 

Quoting peanutsmommy1:

I wouldn't have been ok with that attidue for the past 10 years

AT ALL

 In hindsight, I shouldn't have been.  I just figured that was my contribution to our family since he was supporting us financially.  Come to find out, he didn't/doesn't have any respect for anything I've done for this family.  It's a tough pill to swallow.

2inblue
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:48 AM
4 moms liked this
He needs to help or you dont get a job
supercarp
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:48 AM

I would get counseling.

Abby.N.Amys.Mom
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:48 AM

I wouldn't divorce over it but we would be having some serious discussions and maybe therapy. 

Then again, I wouldn't have stayed with somebody who was entitled and lazy for that long.

PinkyPan
by Ruby Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:48 AM
3 moms liked this

He can not have it both ways. You either continue to be a  SAHM and continue taking care of him, the kids and the house or you get a job and he takes over some of the responsibilities.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:49 AM
Explain to him that you can't work full time outside and inside the home. Maybe a part time job would be a compromise.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:49 AM
1 mom liked this

I would let him know in no uncertain terms that he WILL contribute to the household. Being a sahm wasn't even an excuse for him to do nothing with his children, that is beyond ridiculous and wrong. I hate being one of those women who says, "I would never marry a guy like that" but I honestly wouldn't. We're a team, a family unit, and we ALL help out around the house. He needs to pull his own weight and act like a member of the family. Stand up for yourself, yes he may leave you over it, but are you willing to be his slave for the rest of your life? Are the children happy with never having any interaction whatsoever with their father? That's so wrong on so many levels.

MrsMiles85
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:50 AM

He doesn't want a "traditional" marriage, he wants a slave.  No I would NOT be okay with that.  I understand your feelings of "it's my job" because you stayed at home but now your role is getting ready to change and his should also.  If he couldn't see my point, yes, I would leave. 

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