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My confession:

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies

I may get bashed and this might be my worst idea ever but I need to vent, so here goes.

I can't be intimate with my SO.

Backstory: I was molested from a very young age by family members and friends of those family members (A total of 15 years). To put it simply, I was sold off by one particular person and I don't know how many people there were exactly. I'm at a place where I've started to have clearer flashbacks in which I can identify the majority of my abusers. At this point I can actually remember 23 different people that had a part in the sexual and physical abuse and several more that simply kept it quiet.

I ran away as a teen, worked hard to finish school and build a life. But I fell into an abusive relationship. When I finally got the idea that I didn't deserve to be treated that way and I left him he attacked me, raped me, and landed me in the hospital for a very long time thanks to massive injuries.

Through all of this I've self harmed, been suicidal, and in general, been completely sickened by myself/my body. I'm in recovery, I'm still fighting. The main reason I'm still fighting is that I adopted a younger family member once I got wind that she had been born into the same situation I had. This required substantial evidence on my part of the abuse and a long fight to get custody. So I swore that I would try my hardest to get better for her. I'm still trying.

I had absolutely no intention of being with anyone, ever. But SO walked into my life and started to make a difference in how I felt about myself which took me completely by surprise. But I've avoided intimacy at all costs because it terrifies me. Eventually he asked me if it was something he'd done (3 months into us dating). I decided to share my struggle with self harm and the most recent rape. But I feel like I'm lying to him by not sharing what really happened, where I really come from (we've now been seeing each other for 8 months).

On one hand I want to just spill everything, every second that I keep it to myself makes me feel disgusting but on the other hand I'm scared of him thinking I'm disgusting.

Yes, I am in therapy, yes, I've talked to my therapist about this. In her opinion I should not be focusing on it, I should be focusing on my recovery. I get that, I really do. But I've never known a man that was respectful, good with my daughter, and just so kind hearted and wonderful to be around. It's largely thanks to him that I've made the improvements that I have.

So I guess my (extremely long/sorry) confession comes with some questions: What would you do if you were me? And if your partner had been abused in the way I have, would you want to know what happened if that's what was preventing the two of you from being intimate?

Again, sorry so long, thank you for reading. I just really want some other women's perspective on this. Whether you've been abused or not. I guess this is kind of what I'd ask a mother, but I don't have that option so female perspective would be amazingly helpful.

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 16, 2013 at 4:47 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 16, 2013 at 4:52 AM

BUMP!

cat405
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:01 AM
I'm really sorry for everything you went thru. You sound like a very smart, strong woman.
Personally I would tell him, just so he knows the real you and what you have overcome. A real man wouldn't judge a woman for what they had to control over.
Good luck momma!
sunrisekn
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:05 AM

I would tell him everything. 

Best of luck 

Mychele
by Ruby Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:13 AM
Seems like he really cares about you. You obviously care about him. I think you're stressing something you shouldn't. Ie him thinking less of you if he knew the truth. You could tell him. If you find it too difficult on your own, take him to your therapist and she can help you. Don't force yourself. When you're ready, you'll do it. It sounds like you're close. You're asking the brutal women of mom confessions.

Sorry you're had to go through all that. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide. I'm glad you found happiness with a good man.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:23 AM
1 mom liked this

Quoting cat405:

I'm really sorry for everything you went thru. You sound like a very smart, strong woman.
Personally I would tell him, just so he knows the real you and what you have overcome. A real man wouldn't judge a woman for what they had to control over.
Good luck momma!

Thank you very much, I'm really trying to be strong. And thank you for your opinion. I'm hoping he won't. I think it's just being afraid of the what if.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:23 AM
1 mom liked this

Quoting sunrisekn:

I would tell him everything. 

Best of luck 


Thank you for your opinion, it helps a lot. :)
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:26 AM
1 mom liked this

Quoting Mychele:

Seems like he really cares about you. You obviously care about him. I think you're stressing something you shouldn't. Ie him thinking less of you if he knew the truth. You could tell him. If you find it too difficult on your own, take him to your therapist and she can help you. Don't force yourself. When you're ready, you'll do it. It sounds like you're close. You're asking the brutal women of mom confessions.

Sorry you're had to go through all that. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide. I'm glad you found happiness with a good man.

I do care for him a lot, that's definitely why this has become such a big issue. That's a really good idea, I might talk to her and see if that's something we could set up. I just find that a lot of times, if I try to say it out loud, I don't have the words. Haha, yeah, I wanted brutal tbh, you go to therapy for stuff like this and a lot of times you get a lot of support from your therapist but they kind of have kiddie gloves on with you and I just needed some honest opinions so I could get the push I need to move forward.
cat405
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:53 AM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 16, 2013 at 6:33 AM

BUMP!

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