About a year or so ago I posted about not feeling attached to my daughter and having wanted an abortion and got ripped limb from limb by not a few of the idealist moms on this site. And I'm sure this time will be no different.
She's 2 1/2 now. I still don't feel attached to her and am thinking about putting her in temporary foster care because, as predicted, her father bailed (left the country and told everyone but me he was leaving; before I ever had her I knew that would be the end result, it was eating away at my every thought non-stop for months), I am in a hopeless situation with almost no options, and I have no other support. I just don't see any other way out. It sucks for her because she's super cute and loving and she absolutely deserves to have someone with heart strings. Everywhere we go she gets compliments and attention, but I just don't feel what I think I should. The few times she's been away, I have not missed her and have debated on just walking away - but that would be wrong. There's way too much on my plate and our future is not going to get better without drastic measures. If I could dig myself out of this hole w/o giving her up, I would. I may not be attached to her, but I do care about her well being and don't want to damage her - but I don't see any other choice.
I don't like the fact that I don't feel attached, but it can't be helped. Apparently oxytocin is a huge factor in a mother being able to attach to her child during the pregnancy and after birth. If it's too low, attachment is a no-go. Which makes sense knowing what I went through during & after my pregnancy. So I won't beat up on myself over something I can't control. Add to that the fact that I've just never, that I can recall, been attached to anyone. That part of me seems to be broken. When you've never experienced it, you can't know how to give it or what it feels like.
I had to come back and clarify that there are actually two separate issues going on here.
1) I'm still dealing with attachment issues with my daughter. Not feeling emotional attachment is not the same as not loving a person. I love my daugter, I just don't feel attached to her the way I think I should. It was monumentally worse in the beginning, but has gotten a lot better. Despite the fact that it's gotten better, I still feel bad about it sometimes.
2) The primary reason I'm thinking about temporary care is not because of her, it's because of a lack of support (I don't have any family, and no relationship with his family because of ongoing issues with him), being thrown into suddly being a single parent, not being able to continue to afford daycare and needing to do things to rebuild my resume so that I can work. I've been looking and getting nowhere for two years and the gap is just getting bigger and bigger.
My daughter is not being abused or neglected, she's shown plenty of affection every day.