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I feel bad because my son is not as smart as my daughter

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 36 Replies

They are five year old twins.

My son is normal grade level on everything. Perfectly normal kid.


But my daughter is a genius. She's on fractions already, she reads at a 5th grade level, she knows basic elemental compositions, and can manipulate people way too easily.



He's starting to feel it now. We always try to make everything perfectly even, but now he's starting to feel like his sister is smarter than him and its making his self confidence go down.


What do I  Do?

We already give him extra love and attention, but that's not seeming to work anymore :(


Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
andersongirl562
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:32 PM
3 moms liked this

Quit trying to make everything even and fair...life isnt fair just encourage them both to be themselves...I have five kids and would never expect them to be the same...at five he wouldnt care about this stuff if he hasnt heard you discussing it...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:33 PM

They will be smart in different ways.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:34 PM

Get him into an activity that is interesting to him. He can be the best at that.

lwalker270
by Ruby Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:36 PM


Quoting andersongirl562:

Quit trying to make everything even and fair...life isnt fair just encourage them both to be themselves...I have five kids and would never expect them to be the same...at five he wouldnt care about this stuff if he hasnt heard you discussing it...

I agree.  Focus on the things he does well.  We all have different gifts.




The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald



crysiann
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:36 PM

Every person has there strengths. Maybe hers is academics, and his is in sports, or something else. Just because they are twins, doesnt mean they should or will be the same. Find his strengths in life and focus on that with him.

blue123244
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:40 PM

every child has their own "gifts" maybe academics is not his talent, perhaps something else is - 

Snakecharm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:43 PM
1 mom liked this
We all have different talents. He will find his niche. Maybe he will be a fantastic artist... Or athlete... Or musician... Help him discover and foster his talents.
Clairwil
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:51 PM
3 moms liked this
Quoting Anonymous:

What do I  Do?

We already give him extra love and attention, but that's not seeming to work anymore :(

Not everyone is the same gender.   Not everyone is the same height.  Not everyone has the same IQ.  Not everyone is equally musical or good at sport.

It doesn't make her better, or worse than him.   Just different strengths, different needs.

Teach them to value and support each other.  Tell him the next few years might be tough, because they are currently in an environment (school) where IQ is one of the things teachers praise, in the same way being tall might be praised by a basketball coach.  But both teachers and coaches are wrong.  What matters is personal performance against personal potential, and a very tall player who doesn't jump much is coasting and a coach who praised her when she is being lazy would be a poor coach, even if the tall player does intercept more balls than a short player who jumps the best they can every time.

Reassure him that there are things he will be good at, that will be valued in life if not at school, and that you will help him find out what those things are.

And make sure when you praise the sister, you word it so it is clear you are not praising her for being smart, but for trying hard to use her smartness well.

Smartness that's used lazily, or for ill purposes, can be worse than useless.

MomJessto3
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:52 PM

Do not compare them.. ALL children are differnt and you need to stop focuseing on the differences and treat them like individuals

mandaday
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:56 PM
Two of my boys are 14 months apart. The older one is damn near genius. But the younger one is very agile and athletic. We focus on each of their gifts, while still encouraging them to do their best in other areas. In other words, we don't want the academic one to give up on sports, and vice versa.
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