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I'd Almost Rather Stab Myself In the Eye With a Spoon

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:53 PM
  • 4 Replies

My husband's stepmother texted me today asking to skype.  I was barely picking up my kids after the long day of prenatal appointments I had.  I told her tomorrow evening we probably could. 

I really hope I get called into a birth. I don't say I hate someone a lot, but I. Hate. Her.  And my actual mother-in-law. 

Let's rewind: My husband commited suicide early 2011.  His childhood was horrific.  Emotional and sexual abuse was pretty much what he endured with his stepmom and dad (by his "uncle"...his stepmom's brother).  No one believed him.  They ended up kicking him out.  He ended up in foster care.  He was finally brought over to his mom's house (who knew where he was the entire freaking time). She was emotionally abusive and extremely manipulative.  Everyone condemned him.  People bet that he'd end up in prison by 18.  Instead, he ended up in the military, married to me, and father to our two beautiful boys.  

Then he dies.  NOW, they're mourning.  NOW, they post on facebook about their "perfect son."  NOW they post every few weeks about how they're crying all the time.  When he was alive, they didn't care.  When he was alive all they used him was for money.

Abruptly, he ended his own life and my life went upside down.  My in-laws (his stepmom and mom) think that I'm stupid and don't hear what is said about me.  They've said I was cheating on him.  They've said our second son isn't my husband's (which is so beyond f'ed up. Don't talk about my children.). If word ever spreads about that and my second hears that...I know that it's a simple DNA test that would prove both he and his brother are 100% brothers...but for a short time, he might actually question it.  Kids should be off limits.  If you hate me, fine.  If you blame me for my husband's death, fine.  I blame me.  I should have seen something.  A warning.  Anything.  I didn't.  He used the gun *I* had bought him.  That was all me.  I have to keep reliving that morning.  I have to keep wondering "what if." 

But they think I'm dumb and don't hear what they say about me.  So they smile at my face and chirp away their greetings over the phone.  My mother-in-law pretends she can't afford anything, even though she got half the life-insurance (and again, she thinks I'm an idiot and don't know).  My MIL says I keep the grandkids from her.  She could always call *me*, but she won't.  She says she can't afford long-distance...but has a cell phone. *facepalm*  She says she can't travel because of health, but I know for a FACT she went on a 3 week road trip with a friend, shortly after she got the insurance money.  I know a lot of the insurance money went to paying off her boyfriend's bills....*I* have these kids to raise.  It makes me feel selfish, but that money should have gone to me.  Not her boyfriend.  My "step" mother-in-law pretends she never said anything badly about me and acts like she's never harmed a hair on his head.  

I feel like this terrible person, but I wish they'd just leave me alone.  If I never heard a word from them, I'd be happier.  But for the kids....I keep in contact.  I don't want to talk badly of their father's side of the family.  I just hope that they see these people for what they are when they grow up.  I just hope they never hear anything about what's said about them.  

The only deal breaker here is if word DOES get to my child about possibly being his dad's biological kid or if they treat him any differently than my first (who is the spitting image of his dad, so no denials there), then screw them all.

This is a rant, I know...but it's on my mind tonight. :/ Sorry...if anyone got through it, thanks. I hope it made some kind of sense. 

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:53 PM
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Replies (1-4):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 16, 2013 at 11:02 PM
Ummm...yeah, I wouldn't have any contact with them. It doesn't sound like any good comes from it, or possibly could.
momofne
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 11:08 PM

I'm so sorry that you have to put up with all theat crap. Maybe it would be best for all (you and the kids) to cut contact with them. They sound very toxic, family or not.

Stephanie329
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 11:15 PM
Sounds like you are actually handling it well.
mdwifentraining
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 11:20 PM

I hope so.  I don't know exactly what to do or how to act.  I just go with it.  I don't act fake to them, but I let them speak with the boys.  Just every once in a while, I kind of break down a bit, get mad and cry a little.  I just called the boyfriend and vented a bit....poor guy, I'm sure he didn't really need to hear all of this. :/ 

I haven't gotten any counseling since, so I'm sure I could use an actual professional as an outlet so I knew how to react and all. 

Anyway, thanks for listening ladies. I'm off to bed, I'll probably feel better in the morning. 


Quoting Stephanie329:

Sounds like you are actually handling it well.



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