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So yesterday the same exact two people showed up my door as last week.

Posted by Anonymous
  • 176 Replies
12 moms liked this

These two people have showed up a total of 6 times this summer. The same short gray haired lady and the same tall red haired man holding their bibles and trying to talk to me about going to their church. The first time I was very polite, and told them thank you but no thank you. We don't go to church. And I shook their hands and said, thank you for your concern, but no.shake hand



The second time I was more stern and said, no thank you, I said no. At the beginning of their little come to our church. The woman was like aw... Why not? You may really like it, and we have a great Sunday school for them. I said, NO THANK YOU WE DO NOT GO TO CHURCH. I RESPECT YOUR BELIEFS, PLEASE RESPECT MINE. And I said have a good day. sarcasm




The third time, I was a bit more perturbed. I said, I have told you no two times. I have been fairly polite, and now I am beginning to become annoyed. I want you to leave. The lady said, Take these pamphlets, that is all we came for. It's about JESUS'S LOVE! I said no, and if you leave them on my porch, that is littering, so please go! They left, but later that day I found the pamphlets IN MY MAILBOX!

banging head into wallVery funny ma'am. I said NOT ON MY PORCH, so you stick your shit in my mailbox! Okay now I am really getting mad!


Time number four, I looked through the peephole knowing I wasn't expecting anyone, and there they were. So I ran to my tv stand, where I had left their precious pamphlets, opened the door and threw the papers at them. The man was like, "Why did you do that?!" I yelled, "BECAUSE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE THEM HERE!" The woman said, "You told us not to leave them on the porch, we didn't." I said, "Well I saved them for you, so give them to a new loving home!" She started in about how my kids not knowing God would affect them their entire lives, so I explained, that yes, my kids would never be losers walking around with pamphlets when they are old enough to have lives. They said there was no need to be rude. I said get the fuck off my property and don't come back! The lady said I have pent up anger, and I could meet with a priest at the church about it. I told her to go fuck the man with her, and slammed the door in their faces! I heard as I slammed that door, the man say God still loves you! I yelled back through the door, if he is so great you can have him!



Time number 5, before I could stop my youngest child he opened the door. The lady and man were there. The man said is your mommy home, we want to talk to her about saving your soul. I ran up, and moved my child aside. My child said, Who is that mommy? I said, these people are insane honey and belong in an insane asylum where they can get the help they deserve. My child giggled. The woman said it wasn't nice to tell my child lies. I said I didn't lie, you are nuts. Get the hell off my property. The man said at least you are beginning to believe. I said WHAT? He said, you are talking about hell so if there is a hell there must be a??? he asked me. I looked at him, turned and saw a rolled up newspaper on the little hall table. I grabbed it and began hitting him with it, like a bad dog who had pissed on the carpet. He backed off after the first couple of hits. He was like, that is assault! I said, you are on my property and are unwanted here and you keep coming back! You have frightened my child! My child was laughing and said no they are funny! I said SHUSH SWEETIE! I said come back and I will have a rabid pittbull in the yard waiting for you, get OUT! As I slammed the door I heard the lady say "I KNOW THAT IS THE DEVIL TALKING! GOD STILL LOVES YOU!"

going crazy



So this last time when they showed at the door, I was ready. They always come around the same time, on the same days. I was STARK NAKED! I had drawn a pentagram on my porch. I was covered in blood from hamburger meat. I had my period, that was just luck, and the blood was running down my legs. I was holding a small knife. I opened the door. They gasped! The woman put her hand over the man's eyes. I smiled, and sad, "YOU GUYS HERE FOR THE GOAT SLAUGHTERING?!" They just backed slowly off of my porch. They didn't say a word. Once out of my gate, they began to run.

BYE BYE PSYCHOS! You won't be missed!




Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:22 AM


by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:23 AM
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:25 AM
by Gold Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:25 AM
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:25 AM
The blood down your leg is disgusting but OK
by Platinum Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:25 AM

lol, after them being on my pourch the SECOND time i would have asked if them if they wanted to learn about my lord, satan, hahahahahahaha

by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:26 AM
9 moms liked this
Well that was a work of fiction
by Ruby Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:27 AM
1 mom liked this
Funny shit!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:29 AM

by Platinum Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:30 AM
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