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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

So mad, I could SPIT!!!! ETA in Purple, what the hell, it's my favorite color.

Posted by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 9:02 AM
  • 182 Replies

SO and I are having severe issues right now. We have two daughters, 11 months apart. And I am preggo again. 15 weeks. Just went to the doctor and confirmed it. 

Now, SO is probably one of the laziest people I have ever met. Seriously. I am not going to post this anon, simply because at this point, I am sure everyone can guess who this is. Every day, I have to wake up early with the kids. I didn't use to mind, because SO would get up with them at night. So, even though I haven't gotten to sleep in in well over a year, except for a few times here and there, I figured it evened out. The problem is, he is an insomniac and guilt trips me to stay up with him. So, I typically don't get to bed until about 1 and the girls wake up at about 6. 

SO is bipolar, has PTSD, severe anxiety, paranoia, and depression. He is service related disabled 100% with the VA and yesterday, we had a meeting with his social worker at the VA to have me appointed his caretaker. If I am, I will get a monthly stipend, which we NEED, as well as health insurance and many other services. This is huge for me, since I have been unable to work outside the home due to his issues. He will self adjust his medication whenever he is overwhelmed, which has led to some really bad situations. I can't afford childcare while I work full time, so it has been a decision of either be unemployed or be appointed his caretaker. We need that second income either way around it. 

Well, I don't know what the hell his problem has been over the last couple of weeks, but he has turned the asshole factor up to 20. I know he is cycling, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. He has been rude, self entitled and just an all around asshole. So, yesterday, after the appointment, we got into an argument. We had a jam packed day of appointments. There was the VA caretaker certification appointment at 9, then my OB appointment at 1 and then our WIC appointment at 3. Between the first two appointments, he was behaving like a real jackass. Comcast called and wanted payment. I had made payment arrangements earlier this month. I was able to pay the root bill, since that is what i budgeted for, but I had to make arrangements for all the movies he rented in the middle of the damn night. So, I gave them a payment over the phone. 98 freaking dollars!!! Even the most expensive movie is like 6.99, so you do the math. 

He starts going off on me, "I thought you made payment arrangments. I knew you were lying to me. BLAH" All this crap, right? I don't even remember half of what he said. I am like, dude, yeah, I did. I made arrangments for when your BROTHER was supposed to pay us back that 200 that you "lent" him and told him not to bother paying back, without speaking to me about it. Luckily, SIL and me get along great and when I explained the situation, she said they had every intention of paying back. So, they paid us back thursday. I was able to pay off the cable.  I am not sure where the issue here is. But SO is STILL talking, "I knew it, I knew once that certification appointment was over with, your shitty attitude would return." No, cuz it couldn't be in direct response to YOUR crappy attitude from the last two weeks. NO!!! It's because I am a bitch. It seems that HE was waiting for the certification appointment. To start treating me like an indentured servant. I am, after all, getting paid to take care of him. 

The house is a constant wreck. I am so damn tired, it's not even funny. With only 5 hours of sleep a night, and two little girls that are 18 mo and 6 mo, it's hard to get things done. He sees no need to help, even though he doesn't work. And by the time he wakes up every afternoon, I am exhausted, so I try to clean, but it's hard with him going behind me and messing shit up. I swear, he is worse than the children!!! And then I need to hear, "WE need to clean more." By WE, I know he means ME. He doesn't even take out the garbage!!! Right now, it's overflowing. Want to know his solution? To get a grocery bag, put it on the floor, and fill THAT up. GAH!!!

He gets mad at our 18 mo because she is always getting into shit. Well, duh, you dumbass, she is ONE!!! It is OUR job to put shit up! Not leave it and expect her to know not to get into it!!! I mean, if we were doing everything feasible to keep it out of her reach and she STILL got into it, then I could see your mad, but GAH!!!!

I am so tired of his attitude. He has been doing his therapy. I think one of his problems with me is I tell his psychiatrist the truth and he can't snow her. Most bipolars, that I know of, are really good at putting a rosy glasses spin on things. I don't allow it, because that doesn't help him. Then, our couples counselor seems to take my side alot, but I am like, well, duh. YOU ARE DIFFICULT> This is YOUR condition, and YOU need to learn to control it. It is not the world's job to adjust to suit YOUR needs. WTF???

So, I am getting little sleep, no help and a shit attitude from him, and I am the bitch??? I am seeing red over here. And you can go ahead and tell me to leave him. I won't do it. When he is not cycling, he is great. When he is though, OMG, I wanna kill him. I just really needed to get this out. 



ETA:

Alrighty, ladies, I should have added this in the original post, so I apologize. I WAS using birth control. for the last two. Not entirely sure what happened. But it happened. And the day before I was to have an IUD put in, I found out I was preggo. I am a firedancer, and I was looking forward to getting back to my career, and now it has been put on hold, AGAIN. But, what is done is done, and there is nothing to do. YES, after this birth, these tubes will be cut, singed and tied into a motherfucking BOW!!! NO MORE!!!

Now, as to the poster that brought our business out here. Ok, yes, I owe her money. She acts like I asked for it. I didn't. We were screwed, she offered to help. I do intend on paying her back, and I have meant to. I know it's no excuse, and I realize that I still have this debt. I really have no explaination for my stupidity. Yes, SO is bad with money, but that is no excuse for me not making a point of it before now. And as for all the help she gave me, yes, I acknowledge that too. But there were also several times she came to see me that I didn't ask her to, or she offered. Like when I got my bed. I didn't ask her to drive to help me, she just did. So, using that as proof I am scum is horse pucky. I thank her for all her help. Also, yes, I bitched to her about my bipolar boyfriend. But how many times did she call me about her drunk husband who uses her?? Several. Woman waitressed at 7 months preggo to pay HIS truck payment, and he made her deal with his mother and blah. I listened to it all. And never got tired of hearing her say, "I am done" when we both know she wasn't. 

As for his mental illness, I should have explained more there too. Yes, he takes his meds, he does his therapy. But he is in the process of transitioning to Psych Primary Care through the VA and that put his therapy on hold for a while, why I don't know. He is cycling, that means that he is in the bad phase. Which doesn't happen often. And for those of you saying poor kids. Ya know? I really have nothing to say to you. I refuse to pass judgement on people because I know I am not one to judge. Look at your lives and realize that you are no saint either. I am sure there are a million things you do on a daily to make people shake their heads at you. 

Thank all of you for your responses, I have a ton of work on the house to do, so I may not be back on until tonight. Even the negative responses were helpful, and thanks for letting me vent. 


by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 9:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 20, 2013 at 9:07 AM
15 moms liked this
I didn't even read half of this because I hate whiny posts. Why do you keep getting pregnant by a complete asshole. If you bitch about this enough that you assume people know it's you, that's kind of pathetic. Do something to make a change, or decide to live with it and quit bitching.
kagegirl
by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 9:13 AM
3 moms liked this

To be honest, I totally see where you are coming from. If I had a friend who bitched this much about her SO, I would definitely start getting ARGH!!! Believe me. I think that's what pisses me off the most. I have turned into something I hate. And the last two pregnancies were not planned. The second, well, I am not entirely sure what happened. The third must have been a BC failure. Our oldest was planned. 

And obviously, you have never been in love with someone with a mental disorder. It's not an easy life. But I liken it to cancer. You wouldn't leave your husband because he had inoperable cancer, would you? No, you would love the man but hate the cancer. It's the same thing. Not to say that bipolar is as devistating as cancer, I know it's not. But, that's hardly here nor there. Thank you for your response. 


Quoting Anonymous:

I didn't even read half of this because I hate whiny posts. Why do you keep getting pregnant by a complete asshole. If you bitch about this enough that you assume people know it's you, that's kind of pathetic. Do something to make a change, or decide to live with it and quit bitching.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 20, 2013 at 9:14 AM
5 moms liked this
Get rid of cable except maybe basic and subscribe to Netflix. He can watch all the movies he wants for like 10 bucks a month.
kagegirl
by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 9:18 AM


Eh, I solved it by putting a parental lock on the movies last night. He wants to be a shit and tell me I don't do anything??? Let him suck up to me for the code. It's not going to happen. We have netflix. That's what really pisses me off. We just don't have whatever aparatus you need to put it on the TV. He would have to watch it on my laptop. And I guess he is too good for a 13 inch screen. Well, I have had it. I make the budget, I pay the bills. I earn that money more than he does. He just sleeps and plays with the kids. He is an amazing father, but he can be a real douche. I did cut down alot on the extras on the cable though. I took off the movie channels this morning, and I went down to the basic triple play package, since that is how we get our phone and internet too. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Get rid of cable except maybe basic and subscribe to Netflix. He can watch all the movies he wants for like 10 bucks a month.




Katalina650
by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 9:18 AM
2 moms liked this

Why are you pregnant with this man's child again?  Jesus he sounds like a loser.  Yuck.  Dump his ass and go it alone.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 20, 2013 at 9:19 AM



Quoting kagegirl:

To be honest, I totally see where you are coming from. If I had a friend who bitched this much about her SO, I would definitely start getting ARGH!!! Believe me. I think that's what pisses me off the most. I have turned into something I hate. And the last two pregnancies were not planned. The second, well, I am not entirely sure what happened. The third must have been a BC failure. Our oldest was planned. 

And obviously, you have never been in love with someone with a mental disorder. It's not an easy life. But I liken it to cancer. You wouldn't leave your husband because he had inoperable cancer, would you? No, you would love the man but hate the cancer. It's the same thing. Not to say that bipolar is as devistating as cancer, I know it's not. But, that's hardly here nor there. Thank you for your response. 


Quoting Anonymous:

I didn't even read half of this because I hate whiny posts. Why do you keep getting pregnant by a complete asshole. If you bitch about this enough that you assume people know it's you, that's kind of pathetic. Do something to make a change, or decide to live with it and quit bitching.




Cancer wouldn't turn your loved one into a raging asshole.

Frankly he needs to control this or you need to go. You don't want your kids thinking that that kind of behavior is acceptable.  Cause it isn't.

ONE of you needs to get fixed-ideally him, because bipolar can be inherited-and do you want to wish that on your kids?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 20, 2013 at 9:20 AM
For goodness sake sleep at night. No staying up past 11.
kagegirl
by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 9:21 AM

It's not really that easy, now is it? Although, I can understand why you would say that. Like I said in the post, he is cycling. It's his Bipolar. I can tell when he is, because he turns into a total selfish asshat for a couple of weeks. Luckily, these are few and far between, and with meds and therapy, they are getting further apart.  


Quoting Katalina650:

Why are you pregnant with this man's child again?  Jesus he sounds like a loser.  Yuck.  Dump his ass and go it alone.




zachsmom19
by Bronze Member on Jul. 20, 2013 at 9:22 AM
I agree.


Quoting Anonymous:

I didn't even read half of this because I hate whiny posts. Why do you keep getting pregnant by a complete asshole. If you bitch about this enough that you assume people know it's you, that's kind of pathetic. Do something to make a change, or decide to live with it and quit bitching.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 20, 2013 at 9:22 AM
1 mom liked this
Not trying to be rude but you both should get fixed after this. It's not fair to the children when you're struggling and already overwhelmed.
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