So mad, I could SPIT!!!! ETA in Purple, what the hell, it's my favorite color.
SO and I are having severe issues right now. We have two daughters, 11 months apart. And I am preggo again. 15 weeks. Just went to the doctor and confirmed it.
Now, SO is probably one of the laziest people I have ever met. Seriously. I am not going to post this anon, simply because at this point, I am sure everyone can guess who this is. Every day, I have to wake up early with the kids. I didn't use to mind, because SO would get up with them at night. So, even though I haven't gotten to sleep in in well over a year, except for a few times here and there, I figured it evened out. The problem is, he is an insomniac and guilt trips me to stay up with him. So, I typically don't get to bed until about 1 and the girls wake up at about 6.
SO is bipolar, has PTSD, severe anxiety, paranoia, and depression. He is service related disabled 100% with the VA and yesterday, we had a meeting with his social worker at the VA to have me appointed his caretaker. If I am, I will get a monthly stipend, which we NEED, as well as health insurance and many other services. This is huge for me, since I have been unable to work outside the home due to his issues. He will self adjust his medication whenever he is overwhelmed, which has led to some really bad situations. I can't afford childcare while I work full time, so it has been a decision of either be unemployed or be appointed his caretaker. We need that second income either way around it.
Well, I don't know what the hell his problem has been over the last couple of weeks, but he has turned the asshole factor up to 20. I know he is cycling, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. He has been rude, self entitled and just an all around asshole. So, yesterday, after the appointment, we got into an argument. We had a jam packed day of appointments. There was the VA caretaker certification appointment at 9, then my OB appointment at 1 and then our WIC appointment at 3. Between the first two appointments, he was behaving like a real jackass. Comcast called and wanted payment. I had made payment arrangements earlier this month. I was able to pay the root bill, since that is what i budgeted for, but I had to make arrangements for all the movies he rented in the middle of the damn night. So, I gave them a payment over the phone. 98 freaking dollars!!! Even the most expensive movie is like 6.99, so you do the math.
He starts going off on me, "I thought you made payment arrangments. I knew you were lying to me. BLAH" All this crap, right? I don't even remember half of what he said. I am like, dude, yeah, I did. I made arrangments for when your BROTHER was supposed to pay us back that 200 that you "lent" him and told him not to bother paying back, without speaking to me about it. Luckily, SIL and me get along great and when I explained the situation, she said they had every intention of paying back. So, they paid us back thursday. I was able to pay off the cable. I am not sure where the issue here is. But SO is STILL talking, "I knew it, I knew once that certification appointment was over with, your shitty attitude would return." No, cuz it couldn't be in direct response to YOUR crappy attitude from the last two weeks. NO!!! It's because I am a bitch. It seems that HE was waiting for the certification appointment. To start treating me like an indentured servant. I am, after all, getting paid to take care of him.
The house is a constant wreck. I am so damn tired, it's not even funny. With only 5 hours of sleep a night, and two little girls that are 18 mo and 6 mo, it's hard to get things done. He sees no need to help, even though he doesn't work. And by the time he wakes up every afternoon, I am exhausted, so I try to clean, but it's hard with him going behind me and messing shit up. I swear, he is worse than the children!!! And then I need to hear, "WE need to clean more." By WE, I know he means ME. He doesn't even take out the garbage!!! Right now, it's overflowing. Want to know his solution? To get a grocery bag, put it on the floor, and fill THAT up. GAH!!!
He gets mad at our 18 mo because she is always getting into shit. Well, duh, you dumbass, she is ONE!!! It is OUR job to put shit up! Not leave it and expect her to know not to get into it!!! I mean, if we were doing everything feasible to keep it out of her reach and she STILL got into it, then I could see your mad, but GAH!!!!
I am so tired of his attitude. He has been doing his therapy. I think one of his problems with me is I tell his psychiatrist the truth and he can't snow her. Most bipolars, that I know of, are really good at putting a rosy glasses spin on things. I don't allow it, because that doesn't help him. Then, our couples counselor seems to take my side alot, but I am like, well, duh. YOU ARE DIFFICULT> This is YOUR condition, and YOU need to learn to control it. It is not the world's job to adjust to suit YOUR needs. WTF???
So, I am getting little sleep, no help and a shit attitude from him, and I am the bitch??? I am seeing red over here. And you can go ahead and tell me to leave him. I won't do it. When he is not cycling, he is great. When he is though, OMG, I wanna kill him. I just really needed to get this out.
Alrighty, ladies, I should have added this in the original post, so I apologize. I WAS using birth control. for the last two. Not entirely sure what happened. But it happened. And the day before I was to have an IUD put in, I found out I was preggo. I am a firedancer, and I was looking forward to getting back to my career, and now it has been put on hold, AGAIN. But, what is done is done, and there is nothing to do. YES, after this birth, these tubes will be cut, singed and tied into a motherfucking BOW!!! NO MORE!!!
Now, as to the poster that brought our business out here. Ok, yes, I owe her money. She acts like I asked for it. I didn't. We were screwed, she offered to help. I do intend on paying her back, and I have meant to. I know it's no excuse, and I realize that I still have this debt. I really have no explaination for my stupidity. Yes, SO is bad with money, but that is no excuse for me not making a point of it before now. And as for all the help she gave me, yes, I acknowledge that too. But there were also several times she came to see me that I didn't ask her to, or she offered. Like when I got my bed. I didn't ask her to drive to help me, she just did. So, using that as proof I am scum is horse pucky. I thank her for all her help. Also, yes, I bitched to her about my bipolar boyfriend. But how many times did she call me about her drunk husband who uses her?? Several. Woman waitressed at 7 months preggo to pay HIS truck payment, and he made her deal with his mother and blah. I listened to it all. And never got tired of hearing her say, "I am done" when we both know she wasn't.
As for his mental illness, I should have explained more there too. Yes, he takes his meds, he does his therapy. But he is in the process of transitioning to Psych Primary Care through the VA and that put his therapy on hold for a while, why I don't know. He is cycling, that means that he is in the bad phase. Which doesn't happen often. And for those of you saying poor kids. Ya know? I really have nothing to say to you. I refuse to pass judgement on people because I know I am not one to judge. Look at your lives and realize that you are no saint either. I am sure there are a million things you do on a daily to make people shake their heads at you.
Thank all of you for your responses, I have a ton of work on the house to do, so I may not be back on until tonight. Even the negative responses were helpful, and thanks for letting me vent.