Really, so your feelings come before the feelings of a child?
I have 2 sons one (DS1) just turned 6 and the other (DS2) just turned 3. My DH is not the bio father of my 6 year old but we started dating when he was 3 months old. My ex left when I told him I was pregnant and has never met DS. DH met Ds when he was 4 months old and his parents met him when he was 6 months old and I were married when DS was 1 1/2. So all DS has know is DH and DH's parents have known him since he was a baby. Also, DH was finally able to adopt him a year ago so now he is legally their grandchild.
However, they refuse to see him as such. My kids birthdays are a week apart. On DS2's first birthday, DH's parents came to the party and bought him hundreds of dollars worth of stuff, they came to DS1's party a week later. They showed up late with 2 coloring books and a box of crayons. DH talked to his parents and asked that they try to keep the gifts even so as not to hurt DS1's feelings. He said that they didn't have to spend hundreds on both, he would rather them give each boy a $10 gift then hurt DS1 feelings. On DS2 second birthday, same deal, tons of presents but at DS1 birthday party, they didn't even show up, no call no nothing and when DH called them about it, they said they "forgot". Never brought him a gift or called him to say happy birthday or ANYTHING.
So this year, we decided to have a joint birthday party we did it Friday evening. This is for several reasons 1. they both want a Cars birthday party so we might as well just have one big one 2. I was 36 weeks pregnant when we planned DS2 and I didn't want to risk going into labor before DS1's and 3. DS1's feelings were really hurt when DH's parents didn't come last year to his but came to his brother's. We figured this would eliminate that problem. Plus we figured they wouldn't dare show up with uneven gifts if it was the same party.
Boy were we wrong. This is what they got DS2
It is a kids 4 Wheeler that is $180. They got DS1 a Nerf gun with extra darts, the whole thing was under $40. I don't want anyone to think we are being greedy or want them to buy buy kids expensive things, like I said, we would rather them get each of them a $10 gift. DS1 appreciates his gift but you should have seen his face fall when he opened it after what his brother got because he KNEW it reflected their feelings. He asked me after the party why grammy and grampy don't love him as much as his brother.
DH talked to his parents about it after the party, this was after everyone left and I was getting the boys ready for bed upstairs.. They said "sorry, we just don't feel like a grandparent to him, we can't help our feelings". DH said "so your feelings come before the 6 year old? Anyway, feel it or not, he IS your grandson and I have the adoption papers to prove it. Don't you see that he just wants you to love him too?" His dad replied "if you want to take him as you son, fine but we don't have to take him as our grandson" Dh said "Until you are willing to treat both boys the same, you aren't allowed around either one because I won't have you hurt MY SON now get out of my house." I have never seen DH so angry at them, I walked in just as they were leaving.
I can't imagine knowing a child for most of their life, and having my son take that child as his own and not love that child as a grandchild. Even if they can't feel the same way about it, how hard is it to treat them the same? I feel bad for my son and part of me wishes we would have laid down the law sooner but hopefully they will see how wrong they have been.