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Am I wrong? Need advice on family problems.

Posted by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:44 PM
  • 23 Replies

My mother and I have always had a shitty relationship. If I don't do something she wants me to, or if I do something she does not agree on, she starts arguments with me.

For example. She and her sister were fighting, this was when I was pregnant with my first born. Well she calls me up and tells me that she wants me to call my aunt and tell her that I choose my mom over her and that I no longer want to speak with her. Even tho I had no part of the argument they were having. When I told her no we got into a huge fight, which resulted in her not being in the delivery room when I had my son and out of his life for the first year.

She also, the first day I had my son and was still in the hospital, calls my sisters step mom and begs her to adopt my son because she feels like I was not going to be a good mother.

Well, we have been on and off talking for years. This most recent time was all because she called me one morning at like 830 in the morning and I didn't have my phone ringer on. She calls and because I didn't answer, leaves message after message saying how Horrible of a daughter, sister, and mother i am. How I'm going to regret not helping her when she needed me. That one day she hopes when my kids grow up they treat me like I treat her, etc,etc. and all this because I didn't answer the phone right then and there and go over to her house and baby sit her DOGS while she went to court.(Which turns out,she made a mistake and didnt even need to go to court that day) That's been like a month or more now.

 She recently found out I had surgury so she called my sister to see how I was. When we argued a few months back, I told her she no longer had a daughter or grand kids. That I was sick of all the stress and all the hell I go through every year because of her. Well she calls my sister today and my sister mentioned something to me about going to her house Wednesday. Then later on  she says, oh btw, I'm going to target Wednesday and I wanna take ur oldest with me. I put two and two together and said, ur not bringing him over to her house. My sister smiles and says why not, u can't punish him because u and her r fighting. I said I'm not punishing him. I'm protecting him. Cause I know the whole time he's there she will do nothing but talkin shit about me to him. Plus if my sister brings him over there that just shows my mom that no matter how horrible she treats me she will always be able to ask my sister to bring my oldest over there so she can see him. So she can continue to put me down and still be able to see one of her grand babies. Well my sister got mad and said whatever. Her and her husband lives with me so right now its tense between all of us because of this.

I am now having trouble wanting to trust my sister with taking my oldest anywhere, because I'm afraid she is going to go behind my back, disrespect my wishes and bring him over to see Our mother. Am i wrong?  My sisters thought behind all this is, since my mothers health is not all that great, I should grit my teeth, keep my mouth shut,let her treat me like shit, and give her what she wants. No matter how bad she treats me, stresses me out, or makes me feel. What should I do? 

by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by JorgematoTM on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:45 PM

you should change the font color if you want anyone to read this

by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:47 PM

Ya I just now saw that. Am actually trying to figure out how to  edit lol. 

by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:48 PM

And paragraphs please.

Quoting melby1317:

Ya I just now saw that. Am actually trying to figure out how to  edit lol. 

by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:49 PM

 what little I could get out of this is your sister is taking your child to your moms where you do not think he would be safe then NO he does not go with her - sister sounds crazed also btw

by Gold Member on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Your mother sounds really toxic, and I don't blame you one bit.  Your sister shouldn't involve herself in this, and she shouldn't sneak behind your back with YOUR kids.  You need to do what's best for you and your family.  Good luck.

by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:50 PM
2 moms liked this
You are right. I think your sister should go live with her mommy.
by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:52 PM

I hope that's a little better for everyone. Sorry for the font 

by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:52 PM
1 mom liked this
You're in the right. Your sister needs to mind her own business.
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:52 PM
I have had simular problems with my family. Personally I would stick to my guns on the issue & tell sis if she cant respect your wishes then she doesnt need to be under your roof. Simple as that.
by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:55 PM

i don't think you're wrong.  just because someone is related to you doesn't mean you have to tolerate a toxic relationship with them, much less expose your children to it.

if it were me, i'd stick to my guns.  i don't buy into the whole, 'oh be nice to her, she's about to die,' thing, or whatever.  

i'm not a grudge-holder, and i'm a big believer in letting things go, but if your relationship remains toxic and she talks poorly about you to your own children, that's not holding a grudge - that's protecting your child.

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