my husband and i have been having problems in the last year or so. lack of communication, no intimacy, and hurt feelings on both sides. i had hit bottom, and was seriously considering moving out. i confronted him on saturday afternoon, and told him i was unhappy. he sat there and stared at me, and really didn't respond. then he shouted at me, that he needed me to help him. (he's a hoarder and i moved out of our room, he wanted me to help him clean it for the umpteenth time).
the phone rang and we took a little time apart. when we started talking again, i took my bff's advice and took ownership for MY part in our misery. he opened up to me, and told me he feels like i shut myself off f/ him. i told him, i feel like he doesn't listen to me, so i stopped talking. i told him that every morning i have to make a conscious effort not to leave. he said, "not leaving is not the same as deciding to stay."
we talked, cried, and laughed. by the time we finished talking, we decided once a week, to reconnect. movie at home on saturday nights, w/ our dd8, watching our dds 7&3, in their bedroom. and weekends my teens are home, maybe a dinner or movie, in the city.
we've been making an EFFORT to be kinder to each other, hold hands, kiss when we enter our home, say i love you, and this morning he asked me to dance in our kitchen.
i think you have to learn to give a little, and take stock of YOUR impact on your marriage. after 10 years together, 8 years married, 5 children total, it's worth it. i just wanted to share, i'm happier than i have been in a long time, and i almost threw it all away.