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Why should I make her talk to him

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

My ex walked out on us last year.  He just didn't come home one night.  He moved on.  From there he saw my dd maybe once a month if that.  Sometimes he would go months without seeing her or talking to her.  He is not her biological father but he has been the only one she has ever known.  She is 10 years old and she knows he walked out on us. 

He keeps calling her cell phone and she doesn't answer.  He moved out of state recently and only calls her when he is drunk or high.  Then tries to make her feel guilty or feeds her a bunch of lies about coming to visit or her coming to see him or sending her something.  When he moved he took off with her Kindle, 3DS, and a whole box of her stuff that he has yet to send back.  She is angry.  She doesn't want to talk to him.

He keeps texting me and leaving me angry messages about her not answering her phone.  He wants me to take it away.  She is old enough to decide if she wants to talk to him.  Why should I make her right now.

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:28 AM
2 moms liked this
Change both of your numbers asap!!! Problem solved.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:32 AM

 I don't really want to change numbers yet again.  He doesn't leave her texts or messages.  She goes in spurts of wanting to talk to him.


Quoting Anonymous:

Change both of your numbers asap!!! Problem solved.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:33 AM

you shouldn't.


have you told him why she doesn't want to talk to him. and that she is old enough to make her own decisions in regrads to her contact with him...?

findingserenity
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:34 AM
does she know hes not her real father?
DannieLou
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:36 AM

You shouldn't make her. She has every right to deny him communication!

CorpCityGrl
by Ruby Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:36 AM
1 mom liked this

You shouldn't make her talk to him.  She's 10 years old and she knows EXACTLY what he did and she's hurt and angry and confused and it's her decision to talk to him or not.  The only thing you CAN do is talk to your daughter to help her reconcile her feelings and sort them out and move on. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:37 AM

You shouldn't.  He's not her biological dad, so he doesn't have any legal rights to make you.  It sounds like, while it may be painful and hard now, she's probably better off without him in her life. But if she wants to talk to him, that's ok too-on your/her terms.

You might consider some basic counseling to help her with tools to deal with the anger and frustration...sounds like you guys are doing ok but it doesn't hurt to give her an extra outlet for discussion.   And while she is understandably angry, underneath it she is probably hurt and sad that the only dad she knew is no longer there, she may even feel hidden guilt, etc.  You don't want her going into the pre-teen and teen years still full of anger & confusion over this.  It sounds like you and she are open and honest but I know from experience it can still be easier to talk to someone else about certain things sometimes.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:37 AM

 Yes.  She has met her bio father...but only once.  She wants nothing to do with him and he was so awkward around her that he never asked to see her again.


Quoting findingserenity:

does she know hes not her real father?


 

ivegotrhythm
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:39 AM
I'm in the same situation. My son is ten and wants nothing to do with his dad. I try to encourage him because I'm afraid of him claiming parentiel alienation but the truth is he alienated himself.

Good luck.
starlight91
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:41 AM

tell him to send her stuff back and she may just answer the phone .

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