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I want to say, 'It's going to be okay' but I know it's not...

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:32 AM
  • 8 Replies

What do you say to someone after their baby dies?


My friend's baby died due to SIDS and all I want to do is tell her that everything is going to be okay but I know its not. She will never get to watch him grow up, she's always going to wonder what he would have been like. All I want to do is comfort her but I don't know how. 

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:32 AM
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Replies (1-8):
tracy0812
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:38 AM
Aww I'm so sorry. Really, there isn't anything you can say. Just be there, let your friend talk when she wants. I've been there, nothing makes it better. Just be there for her. Maybe do some stuff around her house, keep things picked up, just sit with her and hold her hand.

It's been 12 years since we lost our daughter. The pain never goes away. You just get use to it and it becomes part of who you are.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:40 AM

There isn't really anything you can say to comfort her. Just be there for her and listen when she is ready to talk. Maybe try to do some stuff around the house for her or make some meals. Just be there for.

sharonsolo
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:40 AM
Try to be there in other ways, however she need you to. If she need a ear, a shoulder, a hug, dinner of house cleanups. Even if she wants you to help her makr arrangements or accompany her to a support group, go.

But I would never tell her it's gonna be ok or you will have another. Or expect her grief to be short. People always seen to be helpful at first then disappear after.the funeral. That might be when she needs you most.
HanaJoii
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:47 AM

I just feel so helpless. She hasn't even been home yet. She can't step foot in her house because everything reminds her of him. I want to go and clean up his things but i don't want her to feel as if I am trying to make it seem like he was never here. 

Quoting tracy0812:

Aww I'm so sorry. Really, there isn't anything you can say. Just be there, let your friend talk when she wants. I've been there, nothing makes it better. Just be there for her. Maybe do some stuff around her house, keep things picked up, just sit with her and hold her hand.

It's been 12 years since we lost our daughter. The pain never goes away. You just get use to it and it becomes part of who you are.


HanaJoii
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:52 AM

I completely agree with this. Her mom's house was filled with people the day it happened and she had tons of help at the funeral. But now no one seems to be around but her immediate family. I try to encourage her to do things with her other kids but it just reminds her that she will never be able to do anything else with her baby. 


It's just so hard, I'm not sure if I should continue to encourage her to do activities with the kids or just leave her to grieve alone. 

Quoting sharonsolo:

Try to be there in other ways, however she need you to. If she need a ear, a shoulder, a hug, dinner of house cleanups. Even if she wants you to help her makr arrangements or accompany her to a support group, go.

But I would never tell her it's gonna be ok or you will have another. Or expect her grief to be short. People always seen to be helpful at first then disappear after.the funeral. That might be when she needs you most.


momto3boys85
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:05 AM

Just be there for her, that's all you can do. And I would hold caution on touching any of his things, it may upset her more like you said, she may feel like your trying to make it like he was never there. Even though it isn't your intentions at all. So sorry for your friend's loss. im sorry

tracy0812
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:05 AM
I would leave the baby's things alone. I kept the door to my daughters room closed. After a while, it was cathartic to go in there and smell her, be near her things, and just cry.

Quoting HanaJoii:

I just feel so helpless. She hasn't even been home yet. She can't step foot in her house because everything reminds her of him. I want to go and clean up his things but i don't want her to feel as if I am trying to make it seem like he was never here. 

Quoting tracy0812:

Aww I'm so sorry. Really, there isn't anything you can say. Just be there, let your friend talk when she wants. I've been there, nothing makes it better. Just be there for her. Maybe do some stuff around her house, keep things picked up, just sit with her and hold her hand.



It's been 12 years since we lost our daughter. The pain never goes away. You just get use to it and it becomes part of who you are.


psychomama05
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:07 AM

There is nothing you can say.  Just be there for her and check on her often, so she knows she is not alone in her grief.

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