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I'm SO bitter and angry!

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:29 AM
  • 29 Replies

Today makes a year since back surgery.  My pain nearly doubled.  I've managed to obtain permanent nerve damage, scar tissue disease and a damaged bladder as a result of surgery.  I'm stuck in pain management and NO ORTHOPEDIC DR in my area will help me.  I've had a second opinion only to be told "he cannot help me" followed by the damage is done and NOTHING can help you at this point!  Seriously??  I think he wants nothing to do with me because of the other office.  Yes, it's not his office but I tried to get another opinion BEFORE surgery and he refused saying something about me going there.  I refuse to go back to my surgeon's office even though there is 5 surgeons in the office.  I'm pushing for a third from Duke (North Carolina).  I'm near the coast and it's limited as far as surgeons go.  I'm stuck with taking around 26 pills a day because of all the issues I have going on.  My poor liver.  I'm in HORRIFIC PAIN all over my body all day every day.  :(  It's depressing.  I'm so angry at my orthopedic surgeon.  The same freakin' surgeon who refuses to release me to work because he knows more than he's telling me.  His only solution is for me to get a spinal cord stimulator but I found out the other day i'm not a good candidate until I learn to cope with my anxiety.  I live in pain every day and have for two years I can just not have ANXIETY it comes with the territory.  I'm at a loss....  I regret it so much :(

I miss out on so much stuff with my son.  People say ohhhh it could be worse OR people have it worse than you.  Yeaaaaaah they do!  But...  Can you imagine missing out on multiple things with your kid?  What about needing to depend on your family to watch your child multiple days a week because you are in so much pain you are unable to do so?  It is emotionally draining.  I've been working on my emotional state though.  Due to receiving revelation @ church about a month ago my suicidal thoughts have been taken away!  I have not had any more of those but I do struggle with depression.  Mostly comes from dreaming of a day when my back does not hurt and I can play outside with my son.  I have to choose between "event vs pain" it's not an easy question, ladies.  Some say well i'd always play with my kid who cares what it causes!! If you think this then you've probably never dealt with NERVE PAIN (caused by nerve damage) that on top of pain caused by putting pressure on your legs, shooting / stabbing pains from your back into your legs.  Constant numbing in your arms, hands, shoulders, neck and legs.  Yep... that's what I deal with on a daily basis.

No I do not want a cookie.  Today is just a sad reminder for me...  I truly do regret surgery.

This should be a happy thread but NO.  *Sigh*  I'm so emotional!  Yes, I know I NEED to let it go.  I'm just so overwhelmed right now.  It is difficult living in chronic pain.  I had surgery in hopes of feeling better yet i'm left with more issues and increased pain!

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Teeshann
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:34 AM
1 mom liked this
I am sorry. I hope you heal and get relief.

Not as bad but I have nerve damage in my face from surgery. Its frustrating .
Bethsunshine
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:37 AM
1 mom liked this

THat really sucks! I really don't know what else to say.  Although not as severe, I do know what it's like to live with chronic pain. I have had migraines since I was 11 years old. While I don't deal with them every day, it's still crappy not knowing when one will hit.

blsdbyangel07
by Evil Food Lady on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:39 AM

My dad has migraines so I do know how crippling they can be.  Sorry you deal with that!

Quoting Bethsunshine:

THat really sucks! I really don't know what else to say.  Although not as severe, I do know what it's like to live with chronic pain. I have had migraines since I was 11 years old. While I don't deal with them every day, it's still crappy not knowing when one will hit.


blsdbyangel07
by Evil Food Lady on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:40 AM

Yeah i'm hoping to try out the spinal cord stimulator.  My only issue with that is that it's still surgery involved.  They have to implant it into my spinal cord and it controls how my brain reacts to pain.

Sorry to hear about your face.  Nerve damage pain to me is worse than anything.

Quoting Teeshann:

I am sorry. I hope you heal and get relief.

Not as bad but I have nerve damage in my face from surgery. Its frustrating .


ColtsFan1912
by FriendoftheFoot on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:41 AM
1 mom liked this

((((hugs))))) 

Vent away hon. Everyone needs to be able to cry, scream, vent & let it out. I wish i was closer to you. I have a feeling we'd have fun just hanging out.

You're in my thoughts & prayers.

la-cosa-nostra
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:43 AM
1 mom liked this

im sorry, is there another doctor, maybe that you can travel to, that would be able to help? in another town or city that is not affiliated with the doctor you have been dealing with?

at.you
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:44 AM
1 mom liked this
Aw, Blsd. <3
Bethsunshine
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:45 AM

If I take my Imitrex right away, I can usually ward it off before it gets bad. Occasionally, though, I will get a really nasty one that takes 3-4 doses of Imitrex and puking once or twice before it will go away. I woke up with one this morning and I took an Imitrex. The headache is gone, I just feel tired and cruddy. I just got done with a three day regimen of steroids to break a migraine cycle so I thought I was going to be good for at least a week. I'm kind of stressed right now which is probably why I got one today.


Quoting blsdbyangel07:

My dad has migraines so I do know how crippling they can be.  Sorry you deal with that!

Quoting Bethsunshine:

THat really sucks! I really don't know what else to say.  Although not as severe, I do know what it's like to live with chronic pain. I have had migraines since I was 11 years old. While I don't deal with them every day, it's still crappy not knowing when one will hit.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this

my mom was in horrible chronic pain for years.  then she got into a pain managment program and ended up dependant on pain pills.  she hated it.  they made her feel so ill all the time.  then she started doing research on a drug called naltrexone.

naltrexone is mostly used for alcoholism and opioid addiction.  it makes you terribly sick if you are taking full dose and then drink or do certain drugs.  BUT they are now finding out that by taking minuscule doses of it it can help with all sorts of chronic pain.  my mom has nierve damage, a hip and knee that are bone on bone and a RA that all make her hurt.  this drug has been a miracle for her.  she literally is taking 1/50th of a normal dose.

a few days ago she stopped taking it to see what would happen.  within a day she was back to having a 10 out of 10 pain reaction.  she went right back on it and two days later she is feeling amazing again.  the difference is night and day.

i would look into this drug therapy.  the hardest part for her was weaning herself off the pain meds in order to be clean fro 10 days before she started it.  THAT part really sucked.  but it was so worth it!  i would also look into some alternative therapies like acupuncture for palliative care, especially if you are doing to try this new drug.  it was the only thing that helped my mom get over her withdrawal symptoms and made her hurt less in that interum period of time.

as a cmt i have seen my clients get back surgeries and the statistics are horrible.  80% of people will get another back surgery within my years and still do not get the relief they are seeking.  its very common to get multiple surgeries and end up worse than you were...but i dont have to tell you that.  you are living it :(

blsdbyangel07
by Evil Food Lady on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:09 AM

They have me on nucynta er 150mg twice a day.  I don't always take it twice a day so I don't think i'd have a hard time weaning.  My two miracle drugs are lyrica and baclofen.  Helps with nerve pain & muscle spasms.  They help more than the pain meds.  For the past 3 months pain management asked if I wanted to increase the pain meds (until i get in for the spinal cord stimulator) but I said i'd hold off until I could not take it.  Never heard of that med you mentioned.  My pain mangement is there to help people get off pain meds.  That's their number 1 goal with all patients which is why they offer alternatives like a spinal cord stimulator and they push for it too.  I had to do my own personal research before signing up from the get go.  It is a long process.  It can take up to 6 months before you go try the 7 day trial.  

I'm sorry about your mom :(  I'll look into what you mentioned below.  I'm glad she is doing better!

Quoting Anonymous:

my mom was in horrible chronic pain for years.  then she got into a pain managment program and ended up dependant on pain pills.  she hated it.  they made her feel so ill all the time.  then she started doing research on a drug called naltrexone.

naltrexone is mostly used for alcoholism and opioid addiction.  it makes you terribly sick if you are taking full dose and then drink or do certain drugs.  BUT they are now finding out that by taking minuscule doses of it it can help with all sorts of chronic pain.  my mom has nierve damage, a hip and knee that are bone on bone and a RA that all make her hurt.  this drug has been a miracle for her.  she literally is taking 1/50th of a normal dose.

a few days ago she stopped taking it to see what would happen.  within a day she was back to having a 10 out of 10 pain reaction.  she went right back on it and two days later she is feeling amazing again.  the difference is night and day.

i would look into this drug therapy.  the hardest part for her was weaning herself off the pain meds in order to be clean fro 10 days before she started it.  THAT part really sucked.  but it was so worth it!  i would also look into some alternative therapies like acupuncture for palliative care, especially if you are doing to try this new drug.  it was the only thing that helped my mom get over her withdrawal symptoms and made her hurt less in that interum period of time.

as a cmt i have seen my clients get back surgeries and the statistics are horrible.  80% of people will get another back surgery within my years and still do not get the relief they are seeking.  its very common to get multiple surgeries and end up worse than you were...but i dont have to tell you that.  you are living it :(


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