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At the end of my rope

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 13 Replies
I just want a normal life!
Dh had a stroke and is now disabled. He is very limited in what he can do. He basically needs help with everything. He only has use of one side of his body.
I feel like a horrible person for even thinking it, but I think I'm starting to resent having to take care of him. I was a sahm before, now we are basically living off of disability benefits and we are sooooo broke all the time. I need a job. But it is very difficult considering he can't be left alone for very long, and we already applied for a home health aid and they said he doesn't need it since I'm living here....and I would have to find someone I trust to watch the two kids. I feel so stuck.
Ds9 is from a previous relationship and ds1 Is ours together, ds9 is used to doing fun stuff, swimming, karate, amusement parks, movies. Now we can't afford to do anything, and even if we could, dh can't do any of it. He has a power wheelchair, but we have no way to haul it. So any outing where you have to walk at all is out.
This summer has sucked big time. I feel so sorry for the kids and don't know what to do. At the same time I don't want dh to feel bad, like he's a burden.
I don't know how much longer I can handle all the stress.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:16 PM
Nothing? I figured at least someone would have something negative to say at least
Kellyjude1
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:20 PM
1 mom liked this

My heart goes out to you.  Do you have any family or friends that can help?  You really do need a break.  My mom had a stroke and between my sister and I we had to care for her for about a year then she passed away.  My son was 7 years old then and it was extremely hard for me.  Trying to balance the time was so very hard thank God my sister did step in and take permanent care of my mom.  The only way to turn this around is to actually have someone either sit with your husband so you can spend quality time with the kids, and then someone sit with the children so you can spend quality time with your husband.  I feel your pain it is far from easy and honestly nobody realizes just how your life turns around.  I hope things get better or that you can find a way to keep the balance.  We are all here for you if you need us....hugs

babygirljd
by Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:21 PM

I am in a similar situation. My hubby has CP and also uses a power wheelchair, he also has a manual wheelchair, and can walk small distances though, so he works part time in sales. My suggestion was to look into public transportation.  In our county, the have a van for  disabled that will come to the house and load my husband's wheelchair if we want to go shopping or something. It's not expensive, and my husband pays but I go for free as his attendant. Hope that helps. Keep your chin up, it wil get easier as time goes on, but make sure you are taking care of yourself also.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:22 PM

don't you have any friends or family around that can help? help with dh and help you have some time away and time to do fun stuff with the kids..i know it's hard mama but you can't be afraid to reach out for help from those around you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:23 PM
Thank you !


Quoting Kellyjude1:

My heart goes out to you.  Do you have any family or friends that can help?  You really do need a break.  My mom had a stroke and between my sister and I we had to care for her for about a year then she passed away.  My son was 7 years old then and it was extremely hard for me.  Trying to balance the time was so very hard thank God my sister did step in and take permanent care of my mom.  The only way to turn this around is to actually have someone either sit with your husband so you can spend quality time with the kids, and then someone sit with the children so you can spend quality time with your husband.  I feel your pain it is far from easy and honestly nobody realizes just how your life turns around.  I hope things get better or that you can find a way to keep the balance.  We are all here for you if you need us....hugs

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:24 PM
U can get mounts for the chair that are fairly universal for vehicles. If u got a job, even a part time one, would be get a home health aide?

Sounds like u could use some "me" time. It's normal to have those resentful feelings when u are in a situation like that. As long as u aren't acting on them, its ok
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:25 PM
I need to look into something like that for his doctors appointments. Some are local, but some are a two hour drive :/

Quoting babygirljd:

I am in a similar situation. My hubby has CP and also uses a power wheelchair, he also has a manual wheelchair, and can walk small distances though, so he works part time in sales. My suggestion was to look into public transportation.  In our county, the have a van for  disabled that will come to the house and load my husband's wheelchair if we want to go shopping or something. It's not expensive, and my husband pays but I go for free as his attendant. Hope that helps. Keep your chin up, it wil get easier as time goes on, but make sure you are taking care of yourself also.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:26 PM
I think they said he could possibly get help for a few hours a day.

Quoting Anonymous:

U can get mounts for the chair that are fairly universal for vehicles. If u got a job, even a part time one, would be get a home health aide?



Sounds like u could use some "me" time. It's normal to have those resentful feelings when u are in a situation like that. As long as u aren't acting on them, its ok
hautemama83
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:26 PM
I can't even imagine.

Maybe try looking into disability paying you for respite care. Sometimes if it can be proven that caring for him hinders your livelihood, they'll approved. My best advice there is to keep trying until you're approved.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:43 PM

Op, I am sorry you are going through this.  Have you applied for respite care through your local Department of Aging and Adult services? They go based upon your income and if your family qualifies they can alot you so many hours a week where someone can sit with your husband while you can run errands,or do something with the kids. I have been where you are now. I am a divorced mother of five and my middle child has disabilities that required me to be sole caretaker. It has been hard but I was able to get respite for him which I was very grateful for. My son is doing so much better now and he is graduating high school in 2015. We got through the rough times as a family united and so can you.hugs

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