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Is this rational?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

My biological mother was diagnosed with Munchhausen Syndrome and Munchhausen Syndrome by Proxy. She was the mother of me (21, female) and my three older brothers. Oldest brother was perfectly fine, Second Brother was life-flighted to another hospital to have his diaphragm tied down after birth and was less than two pounds when born due to being premature because she cut her cervix with a knife. Last brother was also born premature, less than a pound and passed away shortly after birth. Then there's me, the female, born also premature for the same reasons as my brothers. Bio-mom cut her cervix with a knife and I was born with cerebral palsy at 2 pounds 6 ounces. My father obviously filed for divorce and managed to get custody of all three of us. While I was pregnant with my son he finally let me read the divorce court papers, to which my mother admitted to:

*breaking my oldest brothers arm

*my other brothers leg

*drugging myself and both my brothers on bed wetting medication (and others but I don't remember what they were) until she was finally caught by the hospital

*and cutting her cervix with a knife causing premature labors

While I was pregnant my Second brother threatened to kill the baby, and blatantly said, I don't care about him, I don't love him, and I would kill him.

I don't know if it's rational to worry every day for my son (17 months). I worry that someday she'll come and try to hurt him just like she hurt the three of us and sometimes I worry I'll end up just like she did. I strive every single day to be a better mother to my little boy than the one I was given, but sometimes I fear I just won't live up to it.

Maybe there's just something wrong with my family? A genetic thing perhaps? I just can't get this out of my mind.

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:17 PM

Isn't Munchhausen's where you make up shit that is wrong with you when in fact you are okay?

Hannahluvsdogs
by Keyser Söze on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:19 PM

There's clearly something wrong with your family. I'd move as far away from them as possible.

karisma22
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:20 PM

Have you been to counceling?  If not it's something that you might consider.  I would definately not let your brother around your child if he was threatening to kill the baby.

SageAdvice
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:22 PM

 It's not just making shit up but also purposely causing illness in yourself or child for attention.

Quoting Anonymous:

Isn't Munchhausen's where you make up shit that is wrong with you when in fact you are okay?

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:22 PM

 I honestly don't know for a hundred percent. From what my Dad has told me it's where someone makes something up about themselves for attention and potentially hurt themselves, the by proxy part is when they do the same thing but get children/spouse involved. That's just how I've always had it explained to me. I was 3-4 years old when all of the divorce was finalized so I only know what I have been told and read in the court paperwork.

Quoting Anonymous:

Isn't Munchhausen's where you make up shit that is wrong with you when in fact you are okay?


 

liltampa71
by Ruby Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:23 PM

It is not abnormal to feel the way you do after you have dealt with what you have.  Go to counceling to help you deal with these fears.  And remember, the problem is your mom's not yours.  The very fact that you are worried about doing this is a good indication you won't.  People with this illness are not that self aware.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:25 PM

why would your brother threaten to kill your baby?

idk if it were me, i would be far, far, far away from any members of your family. 

enlightened_24
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:26 PM

Being aware of the situation is a huge part of breaking the cycle. I realize how my mother is and strive every day to not make her mistakes or be like her in any way.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:27 PM

 I haven't been to counceling to deal with my mother issues. I've been to counseling for the loss of my grandmother who basically raised me and for marriage counceling which I'm still currently attending. My brother isn't completely involved in my son's life, he sees him when others are around and has never been left alone with him. And so far he's been a fantastic uncle, I forgot to mention, he was completely drunk when he said it and he's apologized countless times.


Quoting karisma22:

Have you been to counceling?  If not it's something that you might consider.  I would definately not let your brother around your child if he was threatening to kill the baby.


 

MamaRae85
by *you're on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:28 PM

It's entirely possible that your mother and brother both behave that way because of trauma, or a personality disorder. Personality disorders can be genetic, which would mean that your family is more predisposed to it, but since your family has been through a lot of trauma (your mother with the births and deaths of her children, or even something before that, and your brother because of the trauma he was subjected to by your mother), it's equally possible that they both responded to it the same way. Have either of them ever been diagnosed with anything else?

Here's something I found on the causes of Munchausen's. The link is below the text.

Theories

There are two main theories about the root cause of Munchausen's syndrome. The condition may be the result of:

  • emotional trauma (deeply upsetting experiences) that occurred during a person’s childhood
  • a personality disorder: a mental health condition that causes patterns of abnormal thinking and behaviour

It could be the case that both theories are interrelated to some extent. A person with a traumatic childhood can often go on to develop a personality disorder in later life.

The two theories are discussed in more detail below.

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