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Should I reveal this SECRET???

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 38 Replies

 In 2005 I chose to separate from my kids' dad. I was tired of his anger issues, his verbal abuse and bad choices when it came to maintaining our household. I moved to Georgia. He stayed in Florida. 


Life took off for me shortly after settling in Atlanta. I got my 1st salaried job, my own place. I was taking care of myself and I was really loving being able to do for my kids on my own. 


So, one night, I went out to a bar alone, just to hang, have a drink, maybe chat with some folks. I was looking really hot and I knew it! A guy approaches me and offers to buy me a drink. I accept and after an hour or so we hit it off and exchanged numbers, hoping to see each other again soon. 


We talked a lot after that night. He lived in Macon, Ga and was just visiting when we 1st met. It came out in our subsequent convos that he was "The Geek" in his group of friends. That he never got girls when they all went out and would drink the most to numb his loneliness and be the life of the party. I thought he was really cute and country charming, a real southern boy and gentleman. He told me also that he was diabetic and that he kept this fact from his employer for years, he was a truck driver.


After couple months and a few intimate get togethers later, my kids' dad and I had been on the mend. He wanted to come to Georgia and try again at our relationship. At this point, Southern Boy had expressed deep feelings for me and it was difficult to let him know that I was going back to my kids' dad. I chose to just cut contact and avoided his calls. When my kids' dad came shortly after, he wanted to have another child together and as much as I did not, I found myself pregnant a month or so later.


We moved on with our lives together, the pregnancy went well but when my son was born, I was shocked at the resemblance to Southern Boy was evident. I waited 3 months to finally tell my boyfriend nd when I did, he was devastated, but stuck it out and to this day loves our son as his own. During those first months, I tried to reach out to Southern Boy, but his cell was off. I remembered his place of business and treid there. When I asked for him by name the woman sounded taken aback. She told me he didn't work there anymore. I was determined to find him so I asked if I could leave my number for someone to give to him. She paused. Then said, "Well ma'am, he passed away." I broke into tears. She told me she would give my number to his friend/coworker. 


His friend called me a couple days later, with the details of S.B.'s death.  After I broke things off, he said, SB went into a drinking binge. Everyday, all day. Missed work and didnt see his friends as much. So one night, they all got together to hang out, that's when SB told them all about how I screwed him up, that he'll never be with anyone, that his life was over. Upon hearing this, I felt ill, sickend that it was me tormenting him. What the friend said next floored me. Later on that night, the friends noticed that SB was gone. They all searched the house, out in his truck...in the back yard next to the fence was SB's body. He had hung himself. I couldn't believe this but I knew they weren't lying. A week later, two of his friends came to see my son, and were also convinced of the likeness. I asked them what I should do. The facts were that SB'S parents, All American, Old Soutthern values would likely not accept my son. I'm black, he was all-the-way white. SB had even told me on occassion that he wanted me to meet his folks but didnt know how to tell them I was black. The friends suggested I just move on, that nothing would be gained from this. 


My son is 6 years old now. I found SB'S memorial page last year and I visit it every now and then.I can't help wondering if I should reveal this to his surviving family. He was the only son with two sisters. He had no other children. His parents are quite old, I sometimes think they have a right to know about my son before they pass themselves. No one else knows about this. None of my family, his family...should this change?

 

I am not proud of how this came to be but I love my son immensely, so does my kids' dad, who I'm now married to. I want to know what you Moms out there think or suggest. I assure you this is my true story and I welcome any and all feedback. Thanks in advance.



Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:58 PM

I can't tell what the secret is...this is way too long. Any way you can summarize or shorten it? What's the main idea?

lucky2Beeme
by Emerald Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 1:58 PM
10 moms liked this

Unless you have done a paternity test the proves the dead guy is dad leave it alone.

2Sparrows4ever
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:01 PM
Fess up about the babies dad
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:02 PM

 leave it alone, keep going with your hubs raisng the son as his!! I have been in similar situation so I do know from where I speak!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:02 PM
That's one of the details I'd want to address. How would I go about getting tests done without having to tell his family? There is no way. I'd have to, right?
SouthernMamaof1
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:02 PM
What does your DH think about contacting the family?
TranquilMind
by Ruby Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:03 PM
1 mom liked this

 Yes, leave it alone.

Don't open up any wounds for his family, who lost him recently, it sounds like. 

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Unless you have done a paternity test the proves the dead guy is dad leave it alone.

 

Khaleesi
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:03 PM

Pretty much what I was going to say. No use torturing yourself over it unless you get a DNA test done.

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Unless you have done a paternity test the proves the dead guy is dad leave it alone.


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SouthernMamaof1
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:04 PM
3 moms liked this
Process of elimination. Have your DH take a paternity test.

Quoting Anonymous:

That's one of the details I'd want to address. How would I go about getting tests done without having to tell his family? There is no way. I'd have to, right?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:04 PM
No way would I tell family members that they have a grand kid from their late son when you dont know for sure if it is his... leave it alone... Especially when you know they probably wouldn't accept him.
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