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*AFTER CPS UPDATE! 7/25* Came home from work with a card for CPS on my door...WTF?!?!?!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 125 Replies

a neighbor called the police after a fight, and I'm guessing the police called CPS. Whatever... I called and the "investigator" couldn't tell me any of the allegations on the phone. He had to set up an appointment, and I told him the sooner the better. He's coming in about 45 minutes. O.o

Shit. Let them come and see my clean but kid-lived in house. They can also talk to the neighbor kids that are here, just like usual, eating food and playing. And they can talk to all the other neighborhood kids we watch and feed when their own parents don't. 

We have our issues, sure, but our children were playing outside when we got loud enough for the cops to be called. It wasn't even until the police showed up that they knew anything was wrong. We try not to argue and fight in front of the children, but occasionally emotions and tempers get high and it happens. 

I've just never dealt with this kinda thing before, so it's a little nerve-wrecking and it definitely pisses me off! 

***EDIT --- The CPS Aftermath 7/25/2013 ***

CPS Guy showed up to our apartment full of children shortly after 3 pm yesterday afternoon. He looked more like a hippie than a social worker with his long, red hair tied back into a pony tail. I'm a good judge of character, and he seemed like a nice enough guy for his occupation. He verified our IDs as we sent our children and their friends outside to play. We then sat at our dining room table to discuss the "allegations."

He read the 'facts' from the police report. I smiled and kindly pointed out a few details that were wrong. No, the cops did not come at 9:30 pm, and yes, my children were present when the police arrived. The information he had was basic at best, so we filled him in on everything that was missing. It was indeed the cops whom had informed CPS, and it was our former roommate who had called the police.

BACK STORY ON SO'S COUSIN

You see, our roommate, is my SO's 2nd cousin. He is around my age. A few years ago, we would have a few friends over for cards and some drinks. After a couple drinks, my inner confidence would shine through and I'd become pretty flirtatious. I was especially flirtatious with my SO's cousin, and he flirted right back. It was all innocent flirting, and we never really felt the need to hide it. Everyone knew about our "relationship" which, unfortunatly, made it a very easy target for rumors and whispers. My younger brother, still in high school at the time, resorted to telling all of FB that me and SO's cousin messed around. My younger brother has issues of his own, and he's reknowned in my family for being a pathological liar. He even has made accusations about my uncle molesting him. ANYWAY, we moved out of the area for a while and stopped talking to those who live in this small, drama-filled town. It wasn't a huge deal, and it wasn't really brought up. However, my SO always had his doubts about what really went on. They were just not brought up, because he knew, deep down that I am very loyal and faithful to him. His doubts merely reflect his own psychological issues regarding being neglected, bounced around and being used and abused by everyone in his life thus far. 

Anyway, fast forward to now. We've always been willing to help anybody in need, and my SO's cousin was no different. His current roommate situation wasn't working for him, and he wanted something more low-key and stable. We had an extra bedroom, and could use the extra income to help out with things. The issues in the past weren't brought up. Everything was good at first. He worked close to 50 hours a week, paid his rent on time and helped out with some other bills. We were all friends. He and I took particular caution to avoid any situation coming into contact with each other. 

Slowly, things went downhill. I started working, and the adjustment caused my SO to question things more and more. He'd make comments on my clothing choices. Mind you, I feel most comfortable in shorts and a tank top during the summer. He didn't approve of some of my outfit choices, because of the roommate thing. Whatever. It was hot. It's my freakin' house, and if I want to wear shorts I will wear shorts. The comments would become more and more frequent. Eventually, he'd just be in a shitty mood whenever I got home from work because he didn't believe I was actually at work. If I wanted to stay up, and he wanted to go to bed there'd be an issue. I even had to tip-toe anytime I got out of bed just to avoid my SO waking up and maybe, not saying anything, but giving me the Stink Eye. My SO understood that these were his issues, moreso than mine...but he couldn't help the way he felt. And he's the sort that cannot hide how he feels whatsoever. His moodiness put me in a bad mood.

The other day the whole problem came to a boiling point. He refused to let me bring myself to work, and the rest of the day just went downhill. I was upset that I work my ass off, come home and work my ass off, and then can't even get a freakin' moment to myself without him being up my ass and second guessing me. The day became one of those days where everything just ends up coming out, being discussed and at times emotions would run a little high.

We had already decided the roommate thing was not working out, and this month would be his last month here. During one of our discussions that day, I confessed that I think it's BS that I am the one dealing with all this while he's still buddy-buddy with his cousin. I let it slip that a week prior to moving in my SO's cousin came over to pay back some money we had let him borrow. My SO wasn't there, and his cousin had a little beer buzz going on. He was only in for a few moments while I caught up with his brother and a mutual friend. During those few moments, we started talking about how white I was for being black. He grabbed my arm and put it beside his to compare. It was definetly flirting, but it wasn't anything to mention. I wished I would have just STFU about it, now, but I told my SO and he just freaked out. He was making dinner at the time and cutting veggies. At that moment, his cousin walks in and my SO just went completely off knife still in hand. Seriously, the whole situation lasted less than a minute. Cousin walked in, my SO started going off with knife still in hand, and cousin walked right out. Annnd called the cops.

Well, SO was FUMING and had decided to take off for a while to cool down. He left, cops show up and start flashlighting my house to look for him. I told the cops what had happened. Yes, I was a little annoyed and upset with the police officers because it was very obvious to me what they were trying to do. No, I didn't feel threatned. No, my kids were not here. And, officer, I can't give you the exact details you are looking for because it happened so fast and got very emotional in those split seconds. They asked if he was driving or walking, and I told them that I didn't know. I hadn't been outside. At THIS time, my children were sent to their bedroom. The cops took down my information, the children's information, had a 3-cop pow-wow and left without telling me shit. It was very rude, IMO.

Apparently, they left to talk to SO's cousin who pretty much said that despite being scared shitless  .... what I said was exactly what happened.

Back to CPS Guy. He had the bare minimums of the story, so I filled in the details. He said that it did match up to what he had already knew. He said he understood both sides of our story, and he would have been very angry too! He then pro ceded to ask us every single freakin' thing imaginable. My past is pretty clean cut. I've never been in trouble, I work 2 jobs, take college classes and have 1 traffic ticket. I work as a childcare assistant, so I already had a 'abuse/neglect' background check. He asked about childhoods, how we disciplined, yadda yadda yadda. My SO kinda has diarrhea of the mouth when anxious and doesn't have such a clean history. CPS Guy and my SO had a couple of moments, but my confidence, intelligence and just general awesomeness was well reciporated by CPS Guy. You could tell he liked me and trusted the things I had to say along with my opinions / explanations on a variety of things. I explained the things we have been through, the things we're still going through and told him I should probably pay my electric bill. 

CPS Guy did his thing. He checked the fridge and the bedrooms. It was going as good as can be, UNTIL he entered my SO's cousins bedroom and became very alarmed by a prescription bottle not in any of our names. He took a picture, and gave us a lecture about it. At first, I had NO IDEA wtf the pills were. I was very alarmed, and got pretty scared for the first time of the meeting. I told him he could take the pills if he'd like, or I would flush them. I definetly didn't want them in my house. He said something about them being substance of abuse. When I looked at the bottle I seen they were Prilosec. SO's cousin gets pretty severe heartburn and does not have medical insurance. The pills caused him to go into full-blown CPS mode, but once I found out exactly what they were I wasn't as worried. 

Just then my children came in. He had already told us he wanted to talk to them. I love my children. They are smart kids, but children will be children and who knows what is going to come out of their mouths. He took my son into his bedroom to talk. My 5 year old has a speech disorder and can be quite hard for a stranger to understand. Their conversation ended pretty quickly. I'm not sure what was said, because my SO and I took advantage of the break to step onto the patio for a cig. I came back in while CPS Guy was talking to my daughter, and overheard only some of the conversation. He asked about law enforcement, and she said she didn't know that they were here or why they were here. She was clueless to what was going on or anything out of the ordinary. He asked how she was punished, and she told them she gets sent to her room. Which, btw, was exactly what we had told them happens. She said she was happy and happily showed CPS Guy all the neat garage sale finds I've bought her this summer. He asked if she felt safe, and of course she said she did. 

After talking to my kids, CPS Guy was pretty much copastatic. They seemed very happy and well adjusted, he said. At the end of the meeting, he doubted that it was going to remain an active investigation as he sees nothing of harm. He did suggest couple's therapy for the two of us, but that's completely up to me and my SO. He told me that he was going to read the police report, and unless there was any conflicting information from the police report or SO's cousin that we probably wouldn't hear from him again. Which, he noted, he didn't think there would be. He mentioned the pill bottle again, and warned us we should be leary of who we have around our children because of the possibility of something happening. Well, duh, CPS Guy. 

At the very end of our meeting he handed me a pamphlet stating our rights with CPS. He told us that we didn't have to talk to him or give him any information if we didn't want to. Annnnd to that, I said, "Well...crap! I wish you would have handed this to me first!" I was half-joking, because I didn't mind talking to him. I let out a chuckle, my SO cracked up laughing, and CPS Guy tried to 'explain' and couldn't fully hold back a half-smile. Oh, and he added, curiously, "If you decide to smoke make sure you do it away from the children and while you don't have to actively parent." Which, I found VERY curious because, earlier,  my SO told him that he his Medical Marijuana license had expired. 

Annnnd then that was that. Oh, and we gave our babies big, huge kisses for being so utterly awesome! 

He has yet to call SO's cousin like he said he was going to. Prior to the CPS thing, my SO and his cousin had a sit down and talked it out like men. They hugged, they cried and both apologized. I was, thankfully, not there at the time as that would have been extra awkward. 

My SO and I have decided to try to find some couple's therapy, and my SO has made doctor's appointments to actively treat his psychological disorders. This has been a huge eye-opener for both of us. No more roommates, ever. And, obviously, my SO cannot manage his illnesses without professional help. 

THE-FREAKING-END.

P.S. I am still pissed over the fact that my DD's biological father must be informed about CPS investigating. I don't think it's any of his damn business. That was another eye opener for me. I need to find out what I need to do so he's no longer her on-paper father. 




Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
2Sparrows4ever
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:19 PM
I'd be pissed too, sounds like you have nothing to worry about
LuLuThatsWho
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:19 PM
19 moms liked this

In a healthy relationship and living environment, tempers don't get high enough for the police to be called.

**LuLu**

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SageAdvice
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:20 PM

 Be open and honest.

Good Luck.

jamamama00
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:21 PM
1 mom liked this
This will definitely teach you a lesson about arguments getting out of control.
areles
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:21 PM
9 moms liked this
yeah. I'm kind of alarmed she perceives that as normal.


Quoting LuLuThatsWho:

In a healthy relationship and living environment, tempers don't get high enough for the police to be called.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tdoubleday04
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:21 PM

wow.  The kids know even if you claim they don't.  i'm sorry you are dealing with this, but mostly sorry you guys can't respect each other enough to walk away when mad adn calmly talk to each other.  Good Luck on the future.

KylesWifey
by Go HAWKS!!!! on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:21 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe it's just me but I don't think it's typical, or usual or even okay for a right with your so to get so loud that someone calls the cops. Seriously not normal. 

NorseGodessMom
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:22 PM

 good luck!

nocalmegan
by Ruby Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:22 PM
4 moms liked this
Depends on your neighbors. Some call the cops over every little thing.


Quoting LuLuThatsWho:

In a healthy relationship and living environment, tempers don't get high enough for the police to be called.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:22 PM
3 moms liked this


Really? I find it hard to believe that every single relationship hasn't had at least one loud fight. 

Quoting LuLuThatsWho:

In a healthy relationship and living environment, tempers don't get high enough for the police to be called.



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