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My step daughter is pregnant. And I want to kill her mother .

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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Dh and I have been married for 6 years.

I have 3 step kids. 2 girls one boy. And dh and I have a 15 month old together.

Now, dh and BM didn't have a custody order. They just decided that amongst themselves. For the most part my step kids are with us one week and ten their mother the next. And for the most part BM seemed sane.

Their have been a few things that bothered me. But I couldn't really say anything as I couldn't tell her what to do in her own house.

Well today, my 16 year old stepdaughter tells me she's pregnant and not allowed to go back to her moms.

I had her sit down, we talked.

She told me that she and her mom have known for a month. That her mom told her about abortion. And she said "I guess she thought I was going to have an abortion. But I wasn't sure if I wanted too and when I told her that she got mad and said I'm not allowed to come back to her house."

Now, step dd has had a boyfriend for the past 6 months. He's been over here a few times but hasn't in the past like 2 months. I thought maybe they had broken up but I didn't question her about it.

I asked if she had been to a doctor yet. She said no.

I asked her how long she had been sexually active and if they were using protection.

She said they started sleeping together a month after they started dating. And that they used the condoms her mom gave her.

So I asked her "...your mom knew you were sexually active?"


She said yes. I asked her if her mom had talked to her about all the forms of birth control. she said "no. she just gave me the condoms the first time he spent the night."

So we talked further. Apparently her mom let her boyfriend spend the night at least once a week on the weeks she was there. Dh and I had both talked to her about sex before, but according to her her mom never did, just gave her the condoms, and let her boyfriend spend the night. She said she tried to talk and ask her questions but she wasn't very helpful. I asked her why she didn't come to me or her dad and she said "my mom told me not too. She said you guys would hate me."


So I called her mom to see if all
This was true. It is. She said that she didn't think letting her boyfriend spend the night. She said "it's not that big a deal for teenagers to have sex. I have them condoms and told them to use them."

So I asked her "if you didn't think any of it was a big deal, why did you tell her not to tell us or to come to us with questions...?"

She said "because I knew you too would over react. You would've had her at a doctors office."

REALLY? Well of course! If we had known she was sexually active we wouldn't taken her to a doctor and gotten her on some birth control. We would've answered any questions she had. And given even more information than we already gave her.

I asked her why she isn't allowed back at her house. And she said "she may get to be the one to decide what to do. But she's not staying at my house pregnant."


Really?

You let her boyfriend spent the night.
You handed them condoms.
You knew they were having sex. And his it from us.

But know that she's pregnant you don't want anything to do with her?

I called t husband. I let step dd tell him. (Didn't tell him everything she told me. He just knows she's pregnant.)

I've got her set up with an obyn.

I asked if he had any idea what she wanted to do, and she said she's not sure yet. I asked her If she had any day about how far along she is. She didn't but she knew when her last period was. Based on my calculation shes probably around 13-14 weeks by now.


She has an appointment Friday. She wanted to go upstairs. I told that it was fine if she wanted to go rest for awhile but that this is something we really need to talk about, especially since she isn't sure whether or not she wants an abortion, because if she does that window is closing fast.

I thought maybe shed like go get a little more info before talking to me and dh. So I pulled up some things for her on the lap top on adoption, birth control, and parenting as a teen and took that up to her.

She also hasn't told her boyfriend yet. She said shed afraid that he won't agree with whatever decision she makes. I told her that he might not agree, but that she shouldn't make a choice based solely on what he wants or feel pressured into any choice.


It was a hard conversation. I didn't yell. Or cry. Even though I wanted too. And I didn't scream at he mother. Even though I wanted to do that too. I wanted to yell. But I thought that that wouldn't be very effective. She's already pregnant. Yelling isn't going ton change that or be helpful.

Dh won't be home until late. I'm gonna give her a little time an talk to her after dinner.



In really just don't understand BMs take on this. She let her boyfriend spend the night. Knew they were having sex. And told her not to talk to us.

We've talked to step dd about sex.
We told her that there are a lot of forms of birth control. That if she wanted to go on a form of birth control that we could help her find the right one or take her to see a gyno who could help her decide what form. We told her that if she had any questions she could always come to us and talk. But what good was letting her know that she could come to is with any questions or concerns about anything if her mom made her believe that she had to keep things from us or we'd hate her?






Update- talked to dh. He isn't happy and BM won't talk to anyone.

Update2- she told her boyfriend. So far he's taking it well.

Update3- she wants to keep the baby..
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:16 PM
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Replies (1-5):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:19 PM
Her dad needs to build his bond with her. :/ you guy will have to balance out the crap she gets from her moms.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:21 PM
Up until know BM seemed like a somewhat normal person. Now I think she must just be nuts.


Quoting Anonymous:

Her dad needs to build his bond with her. :/ you guy will have to balance out the crap she gets from her moms.

cwahtomy
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 5:08 PM
That is just sad that her bio mother didn't do anything for her beyond handing her condoms and telling her to use them. At the same time though she had info from you and your dh that was to her benefit. She knew what she was doing. I admire the way you handled the news. I don't think I could've been that calm.
Litlmama87
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 5:15 PM
Crazy her mom was so lax, but then again, you had discussed sex with her and made the option of birth control available to her.

It sounds like she's already decided she wants to parent, but doesn't want the influences of others, including the father, effecting her decision.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2013 at 8:36 PM
I'd just like to know why she decided to convince he that we would hate her if she came and talked to us about sex and birth control or anything for that matter.


Quoting cwahtomy:

That is just sad that her bio mother didn't do anything for her beyond handing her condoms and telling her to use them. At the same time though she had info from you and your dh that was to her benefit. She knew what she was doing. I admire the way you handled the news. I don't think I could've been that calm.

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