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Possible divorce. Am I worrying for no reason?!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies

I'm not going to go into details, but I am considering divorce. My husband knows this. My husband wants out too, but he refuses to initiate it. I've been just as stubborn, but I'm getting to the point where I can't take it anymore. I just want out. Anyways, about 3 weeks ago, I let out all my frustrations to his parents. That was probably a bad idea and I honestly don't know where it came from, but it spewed out of me. I was so upset. They seemed very caring and offered help in finding us counseling and whatnot. They now know we're on the brink of divorce and know exactly why. I think the last 3 weeks or so have brought on some time for everyone to think though. I feel like I can't trust anyone now -- not my husband, or his parents. My husband threw out some ridiculuous low figure for child support and begged that we settle outside of court. I won't do it. Since then, his mother wrote me an email and asked if they could keep our kids every Saturday night and take them to church with them. Now, this is completely out of the ordinary for them. They have taken the kids on occasion, but never on a consistent basis. I feel like something fishy is going on. I don't want them to take my kids every weekend. Do you think they're trying to pull something for a future custody battle? Also, another fishy part is my husband has been bringing up the idea of me getting a 2nd job (almost daily now). I currently work part-time and have thrown around ideas of getitng a second job in the past, but my husband never wanted me to because he'd have to watch the kids in the morning. Now all of a sudden he wants me to get a second job. Is this a ploy for him to pay less child support??? I feel like I can't trust anyone right now. We are living our lives somewhat civil at the moment, but the idea of divorce is very much there and I feel like he's just playing me. 

Also, one more thing: MY parents take our children a lot on the weekends. Unlike his parents, they've done it for years. The kids love going over there and they love taking them. They've never tried to hold my kids from their other grandparents and I've never done it either. If my inlaws want them (with the exception of this every weekend schedule idea), I've always let them. Anyways, no matter who takes them, can this be used against me? I'm so afraid of divorce and what will happen. I'm so confused and like I said ... can't trust anyone. Am I crazy or what??? Are my feelings valid? 

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
New.OrleansLady
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:45 PM
Honestly, yes it sounds like he wants you to make more so he doesn't have to pay as much. Also, by you only working part time bc he wants you to, you may be awarded alamony. His parents taking then weekly can be a way to show that they have them and may try to turn it that you go out to party or out with friends every weekend.
vwd_johnson
by Ruby Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:48 PM
I think the parents just want to take the kids every weekend incase anything really goes down between you and DH and it gets really messy that they're definitely still involved. You are just getting sketched out about them and no, you're not going to lose custody over things like that.
Tracylynn100
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:49 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't get a second job or let his parents have the kids every weekend.  I would get a lawyer.

quickbooksworm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:50 PM

Just file the papers.  Honestly, look up how child support is figured in your state.  Where I live, it is based on combined income of both parents, so if you make more he will still have to pay more.  I'd look for a fill time job that you can start when you split.  Don't count on child support and alimony because a lot of men won't pay it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:50 PM

OH, another thing I wanted to bring up that is all of a sudden really fishy to me is my husband told me the other day that I need friends. He tells me I need to go out and enjoy life. I made a sarcastic remark back to him about me being too busy for friends. 

I didn't think too much of it at the time, but I really feel like he's smarter than he appears. I feel like he's trying to get me to do things to paint me in a bad light for custody. What's the chances a father ever gets custody? I never once in my life thought I would ever have to go through this. Even at our worst moments, I never thought my husband would be capable of making my life a living hell in the case of divorce ... until now. I feel like I'm being manipulated and it's probably his parents "coaching" him. 

Quoting New.OrleansLady:

Honestly, yes it sounds like he wants you to make more so he doesn't have to pay as much. Also, by you only working part time bc he wants you to, you may be awarded alamony. His parents taking then weekly can be a way to show that they have them and may try to turn it that you go out to party or out with friends every weekend.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:53 PM
From what I read, it sounds like his parents are trying to help out. With them wanting to keep the kids on Saturday nights and bring them to church on Sunday- to me that sounds like they're trying to give them a routine they can count on and some stability in an unstable situation (your divorce situation that is). Maybe with the idea of your kids going to church, his parents feel like they're helping. If church is important to them, which it sounds like it is, it could be a good outlet and resource for the kids during your divorce. That doesn't seem odd to me at all.

Now the thing with your husband asking about a second job, maybe he's not trying to screw you. Maybe he's worried about your ability to sustain yourself and to make sure you have the resources to take care of yourself and the kids when you split. Of course, during a separation and divorce, people always tend to think their spouse is doing things to just hurt them and screw them over. But maybe that's not the case here. Don't over think it and make everyone out to be the bad guy.

Though I don't know all of what you're going through, this is what I came up with based on just the things you included in your post. Not a whole lot to go off of, but I hope it helps.
New.OrleansLady
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:55 PM
Just watch everything you do or say. Watch what you post here invade he happens ton get ahold of it. Every Facebook post, comment etc. just do all you can to make it about your kids and keep tabs on everything. If he brings up very low child support ask him if that's all he thinks his kids are worth. Just be very careful to not feed into anything. I wouldn't have a 2nd job or a ft job until the papers are filed.


Quoting Anonymous:

OH, another thing I wanted to bring up that is all of a sudden really fishy to me is my husband told me the other day that I need friends. He tells me I need to go out and enjoy life. I made a sarcastic remark back to him about me being too busy for friends. 

I didn't think too much of it at the time, but I really feel like he's smarter than he appears. I feel like he's trying to get me to do things to paint me in a bad light for custody. What's the chances a father ever gets custody? I never once in my life thought I would ever have to go through this. Even at our worst moments, I never thought my husband would be capable of making my life a living hell in the case of divorce ... until now. I feel like I'm being manipulated and it's probably his parents "coaching" him. 


Quoting New.OrleansLady:

Honestly, yes it sounds like he wants you to make more so he doesn't have to pay as much. Also, by you only working part time bc he wants you to, you may be awarded alamony. His parents taking then weekly can be a way to show that they have them and may try to turn it that you go out to party or out with friends every weekend.





New.OrleansLady
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:57 PM
I agree with this to an extent. Just never underestimate. My friend underestimated and almost lost her kids because of fabricated things. It was innicent things her ex painted to be wreck less. Luckily the judge saw through it.


Quoting Anonymous:

From what I read, it sounds like his parents are trying to help out. With them wanting to keep the kids on Saturday nights and bring them to church on Sunday- to me that sounds like they're trying to give them a routine they can count on and some stability in an unstable situation (your divorce situation that is). Maybe with the idea of your kids going to church, his parents feel like they're helping. If church is important to them, which it sounds like it is, it could be a good outlet and resource for the kids during your divorce. That doesn't seem odd to me at all.



Now the thing with your husband asking about a second job, maybe he's not trying to screw you. Maybe he's worried about your ability to sustain yourself and to make sure you have the resources to take care of yourself and the kids when you split. Of course, during a separation and divorce, people always tend to think their spouse is doing things to just hurt them and screw them over. But maybe that's not the case here. Don't over think it and make everyone out to be the bad guy.



Though I don't know all of what you're going through, this is what I came up with based on just the things you included in your post. Not a whole lot to go off of, but I hope it helps.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:58 PM
My SIL didnt allow anyone to see her daughter without supervision until she saw her lawyer and got temporary custody (until court)!
MelanieJK
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 5:04 PM

What's the point of staying together if all you're doing is working up a paranoia about what's going to happen when you do finally call it quits?      It's not going to get better if this is where you're at.     Get the ball rolling so you can get it all out in the open.

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