I don't want to do this anymore... my sad confession
I'm a pathetic piece of crap. I have no children of my own. My husband knows I'm a raging cunt and nearly impossible to live with. He's already admitted he won't talk to me or tell me anything because I'm negative and just "bite his head off." I hate my dead-end job and everyone I work with hates me too. They've been trying to run me off for months. I've virtually disowned everyone in my family because, believe it or not, they are worse than me. I've been nothing but a huge disappointment to my folks for decades. I have no friends. Not kidding. NO friends. My social skills suck and mostly I just don't really like people.
I own a home that is literally falling apart and I have no money to fix it so I can't even move. I live in a one-horse town so there's no other jobs available for me that even remotely get close to what I make now.
The only person I really have to talk to is the cat. Pathetic, huh? I do have the dog but she's so old and I'm afraid we'll have to put her down soon. I just don't want to do this anymore. I want my husband to be happy. I want to stop being "that bitch" in everyone's life.
I know I'm being selfish. I'm sure my husband will be sad. My folks will be sad. They may even blame him. Not sure if it matters, they never approved of our marriage anyway so they won't have any relationship afterwards. The cat will wonder why he's not getting regular meals. The dog will probably be in physical agony far longer than she needs to cause my husband doesn't really pay much attention to her. Maybe I should just make her comfortable along with me.
I just don't want to be that person anymore. I've seen a few shrinks. They just wanted to medicate me which just put in some kind of mind-numbing stupor which I think just made things worse.
I need the strength to just go through with it. I know I won't find it here. I just needed to tell someone, even total strangers. I have no one. I hate myself.