New EDIT: UPDATE 2!!!! Update- I just got the most terrifying phone call!
I put the girls and my youngest son in the car and took the girl's to my mom's so I could take little DS for his treatment.
Well we no sooner got called back when DS friend's mom calls and says some stranger is at her house asking to see DS, claiming she's his mother.
I called the cops and told DR we have to reschedule the treatment, but they have already started so I am here waiting for my sister to get here to sit with Larson during his treatment. DH is on his way to the friend's house! And the cops are already on their way!
(DS is adopted, I'm afraid it's his birth mother!)
Okay we are in the car taking the kids all home. We filed charges with the officer that was there and then he escorted her away from my son.
It was the woman who gave him up. She looked good, like she had her stuff together. A whole world from the 15 year old that asked us to raise him.
She said she tried to approach us at the school, but couldn't so she followed us.
The cops wouldn't give us any more info, and suggested we don't speak to her without lawyers present.
DH and I agreed to meet with her and both of our lawyers tomorrow afternoon. We will present her with a restraining order, and copies of the adoption agreement that states she has zero contact what so ever with my son. I am think I might just threaten a lawsuit just to make her afraid to violate our agreement.
Meanwhile DH and I have been considering moving to another city to get DS (little DS) a more specialized treatment. So, maybe it's time for a move. I don't want this crazy lady near my child.
This woman stalked my child!
Thankfully the friend's mother didn't let her near any of the kids. DS knows there was a stranger but he doesn't know who it was yet. We will talk to him about how she's dangerous to him and that he must stay away at all times.
So we met with the woman on Friday. Our lawyer prepared us for the possibility that she may try to fight us for custody. He also provided us with a detailed plan for what he would do to counter act anything she tried.
Then he prepared us for what was a most likely outcome- that she would wish to create change in the agreement that allowed her contact.
After we'd been with him for about an hour the other woman came and we sat down to talk.
She started by saying she wants to sit and talk with my son. She wants to just see that he's happy and healthy and treated the same as all the rest of our kids.
We told her we're happy to prove they all 4 get exactly the same, within reason. Our youngest is terminally ill, and that has taken more financial and emotional resources than the others get. But, we do our best for each of them.
We then explained that given her lack of good judgement the other day we couldn't be sure if we could trust her bit to jeopardize our son's mental health. That any contact had to be fully orchestrated by us.
She tried to argue that she just wanted to talk to him that day, and she thought that would be the best way.
Our lawyer stepped in and told her she was never to approach the child again or we would file charges against her. Then he served her with the restraining order which has a stipulation that she may only see him with both of us present.
So we discussed things again and she said a few more times she didnt want anything more than to sit and meet with him one time to see how his life is these days. She said one meeting would be fine.
So, now DH and I are trying to decide the terms of and if we allow contact.
My husband and I agreed to meet with her once a month (on the first) to get to know her a little. But at this time we are unwilling to consider contact with our son.
Our son is a 7 year old child, still a baby, and we fear the concept of meeting his biological mother is took much for him at this time.
Another huge factor and red flag to us is that she tells us to tell him "mommy is thinking of him" or "mommy got him a gift." Etc. If she can't separate herself from the situation enough to realize she is not his mommy, well it frightens us as to what she might say to him I'm person.
The reason she wants to be back in his life is because she has another son now. He's 6 months old and lives with his grandmother, her mother.
Now that she has a second child she says she wishes she had gone with an open adoption.
We are willing to give her updates, a few photographs, and the like. But for right now that's all we're comfortable with.
Also we are very alarmed. She keeps saying if we would give her visitation to Isaac she would ask us to adopt her other son because we're obviously very good parents. The thought if trading children like that! Disgusting. At first we thought she was joking, but she's brought it up at every meeting. The last (11-1) she actually brought along baby to "meet" us.
Anyway... DH and I have decided that we're going forward with the move. It's a chance to give our little guy the treatment he needs and it also gives us a bit more space from DS Biomom.
For now we are trying to discuss the results of the meetings with DS in an age appropriate way and we have involves a child psychologist.