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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

When people can't accept that I've changed.


When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I really got caught up in the party scene and had a life that I really didn't want. Yeah, I had some good times... But I was really only there because I was lost. When I met my husband (who wasn't a member of the party scene) everything just kind of fell into place and I got my shit together really quick. Thank God. Once I had my daughter I stopped hanging out with a lot of my old friends. I just didn't want their influence on myself as a mother or my children. I only had to "dump" one person... The rest I just drifted away from.

So fast forward to now... I'm a happily married mother of 2, with a nice home that I own, and I'm graduating from college next semester. I FINALLY feel good about where I am in life. My main goal in life has always been to have a family and be a good mom. I used to feel a lot of guilt about my past, but I'm now at a point that I have accepted it and don't really beat myself up over it anymore (thanks to a good round of therapy ;)) . But now and again someone from my past will pop up and make comments about it. It seems to be the same people. They will call me party girl (my old nick name) and don't seem accept it when I say... That's not my name anymore, don't call me that, I'm a mom now,ect. It's just made me realize that some people will only recognize me for what I was going through during that small glimpse of my life... Because that's only what they WANT to recognize me as no matter how much work I've done to better my life. It's sad really. Sometimes I think that people will only see what they want to see because they need someone to look down on. If that person is me... So be it. I have better things to worry about, and I'm not stuck in the past. People change sometimes get over it and move on! Rant over!
by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 7:11 AM
Replies (21-27):
LyTe684
by Ruby Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 8:08 AM
First impressions. They tend to stick around. It may not be that they refuse to accept that you changed. That's just how they always knew you. That was your reputation. That isn't going to change overnight.

JMO.
RunningMommaof2
by Kelly on Jul. 27, 2013 at 8:24 AM
Oh see, I've always been a GOOD person. That is something I've had since I was young and will never leave me. I'm actually very much still the same person, I'm just very settled in my life and my actions are different if that makes sense.


Quoting Anonymous:

Don't let them get you down. You're always going to have people that remember "that you". It's the same with me, but I don't even acknowledge people who make poor comments about my past because most of them don't even know what I was going through at the time. Just keep doing what you're doing, you sound as if you have turned into a good person and a lot of this probably has to do with the mistake or obstacles you have overcome in your past, your past has shaped you into the person you are today.


RunningMommaof2
by Kelly on Jul. 27, 2013 at 8:30 AM
That's how I see it now. It was a phase of my young adulthood when I was really struggling to find my way. Now that I look back, I kind of feel bad for myself because I know what I wanted and how lost I was trying to find it.If I had real friends, they would be able to see that as well. But, they choose to define me as that probably due to their own issues. So be it.


Quoting 12345abcde54321:

i understand that it feels bad to be reminded of a past that you aren't proud of. i think that as more and more time goes by, and you start to truly see it as a phase of young-adulthood and in no way a definition of what your life is or will be, it will bother you less. it just takes time.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 27, 2013 at 8:30 AM

I feel you there, especially as an addict.

Here and there I cross paths with some of the people I used to run with and they want my phone number, they want to get together, etc..I've given them the wrong number LOL I don't want anything to do with them, I don't want them to have anything to do with me..I just can't bring myself to be rude to them. Makes it hard sometimes, I work in a small local business and once in a while someone from my past will pop in there, and the ladies I work will give me the eyebrow, like, "how in the world do you know this nutcase" and I play it off. I'm really ashamed of my past. It's not something I like to share.

blessed107
by Platinum Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 8:32 AM

Reputation are easy to make but hard to break. 

RunningMommaof2
by Kelly on Jul. 27, 2013 at 8:37 AM
Lol I know how you feel. I am past the part of being ashamed though. Therapy helped a lot with that. I'm more at a point of acceptance so I can move past. I'm always friendly with people as well, but I have no intention of reconnecting with people. Some people from my past have changed as well, but it's just better for us to go our separate ways on a friendly note. KWIM?


Quoting Anonymous:

I feel you there, especially as an addict.

Here and there I cross paths with some of the people I used to run with and they want my phone number, they want to get together, etc..I've given them the wrong number LOL I don't want anything to do with them, I don't want them to have anything to do with me..I just can't bring myself to be rude to them. Makes it hard sometimes, I work in a small local business and once in a while someone from my past will pop in there, and the ladies I work will give me the eyebrow, like, "how in the world do you know this nutcase" and I play it off. I'm really ashamed of my past. It's not something I like to share.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 27, 2013 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this
Don't be, it's only served to make me a stronger and, eventually, happier. Haha, yeah, I don't get it either. Last time I checked, we weren't supposed to relive high school over and over for the rest of our lives. But I guess some people just find something they're comfortable with and then they wonder why everyone else is moving on.
Quoting RunningMommaof2:

Wow I'm so sorry for what you've been through! I always wonder why people think that people will stay the same after high school. Most of us grow up! LOL


Quoting Anonymous:

It's great that you've found your happiness, I'm sure they're just struggling to find theirs and haven't recognized that the past is the past and you've changed. 

I wasn't really a party girl but I've run into this several times. I was the quiet, chubby girl that was good in school but kept to myself. Now I've lost the weight and I'm having fun, I live in a great place and on the outside I guess I look a lot happier. Back in hs I was the girl everyone dumped on though, the running joke. Several of the girls who saw me getting abused decided to make it their running joke the rest of that school year. Seriously, I grew up with some god awful people. And thanks to social networking all of these people that used to say horrible things about me or treat me like scum message me these days. The bitchy girls saying that I look so much better these days "how in the world did I lose all that weight" you know, those back handed compliments. And the guys that thought it was fun to throw trash at me when I'd walk home from school now message me begging to hook up or trying to get me interested in their unemployed/still living at home with mom selves. 

I know I'm not completely over all of the bullying. It led me down a road of having an eating disorder and almost dying in a hospital not too long ago. So when I get the backhanded compliments my first inclination is to say, it's called an eating disorder, it happens when bitches like you think they can torture someone for years, thanks for asking. But it's not like that would solve anything. So I just ignore them and find happiness in the fact that while they can try to claw their way back into my life now that I'm doing so much better than them, they can't. I worked hard for what I have now and now is my chance to enjoy it and feel proud. And no one from my past will ever be able to take that away, just like people from your past can't take that away from you. You've become a wonderful mom and you've invested in yourself, and no amount of "weren't you the girl that..." or other comments about who you used to be will ever change what you've accomplished. 



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