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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

MIL wants to invite 10 extra people to DD's birthday update/ UPDATE ON THE PARTY

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Actually, she technically already has. FIL's cousin moved to town recently with his wife, their 5 kids and his SIL (wife's sister) and her 2 kids. I have never met or even heard of these people, DH has never met any of these people, yet without even asking, MIL invited ALL 10 OF THEM to DD's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese (please no bashing that it is a Chuck e Cheese party, I am 35 weeks pregnant and I didn't want to deal with setting up and cleaning up after the party, plus her friend had her's there last year and she really wanted it.)

Between family and some close friends, we invited about 40 adults and 15 kids of which 34  adults and 12 kids are coming. The kids are about $20, which was fine because I knew there would be no more then 15 kids. For the adults, I pay paying for 1 drink (refillable) and 3 pieces of pizza (they are TINY at chuck e cheese). Just these additional people are going to cost me over $160, and I didn't even invite them. And I am not trying to say the party itself is too expensive, we planned for this party and we budgeted for it, we didn't plan on an extra 10 people including 7 extra kids. Not to mention I have already gone and bout the stuff for the goodie bags and put everything together so not only would I incur the extra cost but I would have to go buy more stuff for the goodie bags.

What gets me is MIL just called all casual and left the voicemail "oh BTW uncle ____ and his family moved into town so I invited them, that 3 adults and 7 kids" like it was no big deal. I told DH what his mother said and at first he was annoyed but didn't see the big deal, then I showed him how much more money it would be and he saw the big deal. He called her and told her that since she invited them, she can either pay the $175 or so it will be for the kids, adults, and for me to buy more stuff for the goodie bags for those kids or she can uninvite them. She started yelling at him saying how dare he be so disrespectful to her and that he knows they don't have that kind of money but how is she supposed to uninvite them. He told her she should have thought about that before inviting people to a party she isn't throwing. She hung up on them.

At this point, I am 99% sure she won't uninvite them and I am 99% sure she isn't going to pay for them.

I called Chuch e cheese and they were able to change the time, so that was a lucky and wonderful suggestion, thanks, T1gger143. I sent out a facebook message to everyone except MIL and FIL, no one else from the party talks to them. Anyway, by the time they get there for the 1 pm party, the party that now starts at 11 will be just about over.

UPDATE

So the party went really well. Everyone had a great time. MIL and the uninvited guests showed up just before 1. At that point, we were just about to sing Happy Birthday and have cake so they were there for that. I saved the kids some tokens so we stayed and played longer. I explained that I didn't know they were coming . It worked out well because they weren't stuck paying for themselves and the kids but the kids still got to play and have cake and we didn't have to pay extra. MIL was PISSED but oh well.

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:08 PM
Replies (31-40):
shivasgirl
by Platinum Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:31 PM

I would cancel the party, then rebook for a week later and NOT tell your MIL

SWasson
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:32 PM
2 moms liked this

This is what a mature person does to fix the problem. Since your MIL isn't being mature, you need to step up and do it. An added benefit is it makes her look like a jerk without you ever saying anything negative about her.

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

I would call them myself, introduce myself, and welcome them to town. I'd tell them how much I was looking forward to meeting them in person and getting the kids together. I'd suggest plans to have them over for a barbecue. Then I would explain that MIL invited them to the party without talking to you, and without realizing how expensive it would be, and that it simply isn't in the budget to have that many extra people at the last minute. If they are reasonable people, they will totally understand. If they are not reasonable people, all the more reason you don't want them there.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:33 PM
3 moms liked this
I'd like to point out that the new-in-town family is not at all at fault, and purposely embarrassing them would not only be rude, it would be really immature.
bcauseimthemom
by Ruby Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:33 PM
1 mom liked this

If they show up and she does not provide payment, I would let them know that you did not invite them, you don't know them and if they plan on staying and eating and such, they are going to have to pay for themselves. They can go and order their own food and then they can sit with you guys.  I would also have hubby let MIL know that she really doesn't need to show up since she is so disrespectful.  


If any of these people are on your FB, I would make a status about it.... someone will get the picture. If they think you are rude, too damn bad.

DACIA79
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:34 PM
She needs to pay for the extra or they can't come
beckyr
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Can you get their number?

Take it out of MIL's hands and call them yourselves.  Tell them you're very sorry but you already gave a head count for the party and another 10 people just will not fit in the budget, but you would love to get together with them another time.  Then maybe make plans to have a cookout or something.    

I'm sure MIL was only thinking that they're new in town and she wants them to meet people, but she really overstepped her boundaries and someone who would do that isn't normally the kind of person who will fix the issue.   Just handle it yourselves. 

mylilsunshine
by Bronze Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:35 PM

This is something my own mom has done to me a few times already. Every party I tell her don't invite other people because I have a budget and can't afford to exceed that amount. So of course now she thinks she has a say so on who is invited  when I start planning the next party.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:36 PM

When they show up be friendly and greet them and politely tell them how they can order they're food. Explain you weren't expecting extra guests so you apologize for not having a goodie bag for their kids, but you hope they enjoy themselves. This is nicest way I can think of not having o pay for them but also being nice about it. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:37 PM
This is incredibly bad advice that would make you look immature and tacky as hell. There are mature, polite ways to handle this situation. This response is most certainly NOT an example of that.

Quoting bcauseimthemom:

If they show up and she does not provide payment, I would let them know that you did not invite them, you don't know them and if they plan on staying and eating and such, they are going to have to pay for themselves. They can go and order their own food and then they can sit with you guys.  I would also have hubby let MIL know that she really doesn't need to show up since she is so disrespectful.  


If any of these people are on your FB, I would make a status about it.... someone will get the picture. If they think you are rude, too damn bad.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:37 PM

I just changed the time from 1 to 11. I don't want to changed to day since it's only a week away and I will be 36 weeks pregnant at the party as it is. I don't want to push it to 37 and risk being in the hospital and missing the party.



Quoting shivasgirl:

I would cancel the party, then rebook for a week later and NOT tell your MIL



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