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MIL wants to invite 10 extra people to DD's birthday update/ UPDATE ON THE PARTY

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Actually, she technically already has. FIL's cousin moved to town recently with his wife, their 5 kids and his SIL (wife's sister) and her 2 kids. I have never met or even heard of these people, DH has never met any of these people, yet without even asking, MIL invited ALL 10 OF THEM to DD's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese (please no bashing that it is a Chuck e Cheese party, I am 35 weeks pregnant and I didn't want to deal with setting up and cleaning up after the party, plus her friend had her's there last year and she really wanted it.)

Between family and some close friends, we invited about 40 adults and 15 kids of which 34  adults and 12 kids are coming. The kids are about $20, which was fine because I knew there would be no more then 15 kids. For the adults, I pay paying for 1 drink (refillable) and 3 pieces of pizza (they are TINY at chuck e cheese). Just these additional people are going to cost me over $160, and I didn't even invite them. And I am not trying to say the party itself is too expensive, we planned for this party and we budgeted for it, we didn't plan on an extra 10 people including 7 extra kids. Not to mention I have already gone and bout the stuff for the goodie bags and put everything together so not only would I incur the extra cost but I would have to go buy more stuff for the goodie bags.

What gets me is MIL just called all casual and left the voicemail "oh BTW uncle ____ and his family moved into town so I invited them, that 3 adults and 7 kids" like it was no big deal. I told DH what his mother said and at first he was annoyed but didn't see the big deal, then I showed him how much more money it would be and he saw the big deal. He called her and told her that since she invited them, she can either pay the $175 or so it will be for the kids, adults, and for me to buy more stuff for the goodie bags for those kids or she can uninvite them. She started yelling at him saying how dare he be so disrespectful to her and that he knows they don't have that kind of money but how is she supposed to uninvite them. He told her she should have thought about that before inviting people to a party she isn't throwing. She hung up on them.

At this point, I am 99% sure she won't uninvite them and I am 99% sure she isn't going to pay for them.

I called Chuch e cheese and they were able to change the time, so that was a lucky and wonderful suggestion, thanks, T1gger143. I sent out a facebook message to everyone except MIL and FIL, no one else from the party talks to them. Anyway, by the time they get there for the 1 pm party, the party that now starts at 11 will be just about over.


So the party went really well. Everyone had a great time. MIL and the uninvited guests showed up just before 1. At that point, we were just about to sing Happy Birthday and have cake so they were there for that. I saved the kids some tokens so we stayed and played longer. I explained that I didn't know they were coming . It worked out well because they weren't stuck paying for themselves and the kids but the kids still got to play and have cake and we didn't have to pay extra. MIL was PISSED but oh well.

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:08 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:40 PM

updat bump

by Anonymous 6 on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:40 PM
1 mom liked this
So, now your DD won't have her grandparents at her party. Way to be mature about it, OP. SMH.
by imjenndoe on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:40 PM

I was being sarcastic.  It blows my mind that the MIL would be that ignorant to invite people to the party... sorry if I was taken seriously....

I would have my husband continue to deal with her and have him contact the uncle and explain the situation before hand so no one is embarassed at Chuck E Cheese.  I would also seriously uninvite MIL....

Quoting Anonymous:

This is incredibly bad advice that would make you look immature and tacky as hell. There are mature, polite ways to handle this situation. This response is most certainly NOT an example of that.

Quoting bcauseimthemom:

If they show up and she does not provide payment, I would let them know that you did not invite them, you don't know them and if they plan on staying and eating and such, they are going to have to pay for themselves. They can go and order their own food and then they can sit with you guys.  I would also have hubby let MIL know that she really doesn't need to show up since she is so disrespectful.  

If any of these people are on your FB, I would make a status about it.... someone will get the picture. If they think you are rude, too damn bad.

by Anonymous 7 on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:40 PM

The poor family that was invited is the ones that are going to be embarrassed and their kids are going to be disappointed. You or your DH should call them and explain the situation. invite them to all get together for a bbq or something as suggested before. But to reschedule the party is just mean and childish.

by Tammy on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:41 PM

There's two ways you can do this: Grab a couple of the printable
$10 or $20 specials coupons (you can find them ALL OVER the internet) for Chuck E Cheese. Then either:

Have DH call MIL and tell her that they can come BUT ONLY IF SHE PAYS the "coupon amount" because SHE invited them without clearing it with you first. Also that you will need however much the cost for the goodie bags is going to be because it would be horribly rude to not be able to give the extra kids the same thing, and you wouldn't want to have to tell them SHE made a mistake and you're sure SHE wouldn't want that either <evil smirk>

OR, have your DH call his uncle personally and say "hey, look, I know you guys JUST moved to town but MOM really overstepped her boundaries this time and invited you all to a birthday party that has been paid for in advance without asking us if we could add you on before the invite was given. We really would you like guys to come, but it's $200 extra which we don't have budgeted since we have a baby coming in a month.  What we DO have are some specials coupons for pizza, drinks, and's a little different than being on the party ticket, but its basically the same, only it won't be as expensive for us, do you guys mind doing it that way?"

Either way they can be included and it won't be almost $200 more. I have a family member who tried to pull that on my with my odd's 6th b-day party. She wanted to invite HER granddaughter, granddaughter's parents, and the mom's extended family...ALL because her dd's birthday is a WEEK after mine...she thought she'd be throwing her gd a party for free...NOT happening. I called up the lo's mom and told her it was paid in advance through the number of people and that her bf's mom had said she could NOT afford to pay for the people SHE invited without my permission. That I would LOVE to have them there, but since MY father paid for the party, I couldn't call him up and say his SIL's half-sister had invited a bunch of people without okaying it, I needed another $150 to cover them...she understood completely and went off on my aunt who did the inviting and told her she was furious with her for putting me in that situation, as well as everyone that had been invited. She offered to pay for the extra people since it was all her family, but then she worried that it had been pulled for the exact reason it had, and decided that she would tell her family that bf's mom had NO right to call and invite anyone, and that she did so without the permission of the people throwing the party. Then her, her bf (my cousin), and their ONE child came...NO huge deal there at all, because there was MORE than enough food for two adults and another 6 yr old, and they were able to pay for their own shoe rental for the bowling part but the guy at the desk said not to worry about it since the place was dead except for our group anyway, lol!

I know Chuck E Cheese won't let you add people for free, but here's a link to one of those coupons:

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:41 PM

It's better then spending all that extra money on people I don't even know. The party is 2 1/2 hours so they will still show up at the tail end of it.

Quoting Anonymous:

So, now your DD won't have her grandparents at her party. Way to be mature about it, OP. SMH.

by Emerald Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:41 PM

I guess I am going to be the odd one out and say that although I would be annoyed, I would suck it up and welcome them with open arms. I would be annoyed at MIL, not the new family members. I would ask the adults to pay for themselves, but would make sure the kids were covered and made to feel like part of the party. Kids are kids and I would make sure they had a great time and felt like part of the family. 

I would chat with MIL about boundaries and what is and is not acceptable. Next time, I would give her her invitation at the very last minute to avoid any extra invites. But who knows? You and your husband could adore the new family members and become close with them. The kids could end up being very close and have a great story of the first time they met later on. 

by Ruby Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:42 PM

wow they have jumped a lot in cost, is there anyway to contact this family and tell them you can't afford to have more people?

Quoting Anonymous:

The cost jumped so high because it's $20 a kid just for the chuck e cheese party, plus the goodie bags, which would be about $5 each and there are 7 kids. Right there, that is $175 plus then feeding the adults

Quoting SweetPea2004:

Label the gift bags with the names of the invited kids and don't make extra. Also if Chuckie Cheese requires a list don't list them. I don't know how the cost jumped so much though with the extra people. 

CafeMom Tickers
by Ruby Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:43 PM

I would call the other people on the morning of the party and tell them it's canceled, you dont want to look like a bitch to them

Quoting Anonymous:

I just changed the time from 1 to 11. I don't want to changed to day since it's only a week away and I will be 36 weeks pregnant at the party as it is. I don't want to push it to 37 and risk being in the hospital and missing the party.

Quoting shivasgirl:

I would cancel the party, then rebook for a week later and NOT tell your MIL

by Anonymous 8 on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:44 PM
2 moms liked this

why are you buying the adults food?  fuck that!  buy enough pizza for the kids and the adults can buy their own.

also, a child's party at chuck e cheese where the adults overwhelingly out number the kids?  why?

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