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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My SD is being such a brat!!!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 152 Replies
My SD lives with us full time and has since she was almost 2. Her bio mom pays us 300 in CS monthy. We take care of her with our household income and put the CS in her savings along with money we put in ourselves. Over the years we have saved up a little over 70 thousand for a car and her schooling mostly from the CS payments. Her 16th birthday is coming up in about 2 months. She and I have been planning a really nice celebration at the house, shopping around for used cars, and to renovate our basement to an apartment (she's staying home for college) and

However the money we put in her savings is gone. We've depleted all of our funds and have to use the majority of hers. My mother has been sick 5 times in the last year. Between the flight costs and me leaving my job to care for her, everything we have saved for is gone. It's been very lean around here and we had explained the situation to her. When we sat her down last night to explain she wouldn't be getting the car she had hoped for or the basement renovated, but that we still had just enough money to throw her a nice party. She flipped on us, but directed most of the hate to me. She called me a theif because we had taken money out of her savings account. She said I pm a gold digger and I'm only with her father for money. Even though for a while I was the one running his practice.

I understand she's upset but we can not do anything about it now. We are slowly recovering and eventually we will be able to continued as planed. I thought she would understand things happen, but she's being a complete brat and quite frankly a bitch. At this point she's not going to get anything for her birthday since she can't be grateful.

BTW since most of you can not read. We discussed that we would be taking money out of her savings. We had hoped to be able to refund the money by now, but we are unable to do so. Life happens.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:29 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:32 AM
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child support is supposed to go toward the daily care of the child for whom it's paid for. I would have never let her on to the fact that you are saving it for her..Now she feels entitled to that money and you have to pay for the mistake. 

I really don't know what to tell you.

Kaelaasmom
by Katie on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:33 AM

 You never thought to discuss you taking her money before now? You have spent all this time planning things with her that are never going to happen. I'd be pissed too.

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embrigmom
by Gold Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:39 AM

I don't blam her for being angery. You ethier shouldn't have told her you were putting all that money away for her and started making plans for it, or talked to her about using it before you started to use it.

I know what it feels like to think there is money being put away for you for something like college. My mother at one point had to use my college fund to move. It sucked but I got over it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:42 AM
Yea, I see that now. I made that mistake a few years back when she told me she wanted to go to UGA but she didn't think we could afford it. We thought if she had a real hope of being able to go, she would work hard for the grades so should could actually attend. It's worked, by now it's backfired.

Quoting Anonymous:

child support is supposed to go toward the daily care of the child for whom it's paid for. I would have never let her on to the fact that you are saving it for her..Now she feels entitled to that money and you have to pay for the mistake. 

I really don't know what to tell you.

MommyAddie
by Platinum Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:42 AM
3 moms liked this
I agree. You weren't obligated to save that money for her, but you did and since she knew you did, how can you expect her to feel any other way about it right now? I would feel the same way, and teenager may look grown up, but they are not grown up, it's unreasonable to think she'd understand things just come up. And I agree with her, once you put into "her" account, I feel like you "stole" it once you took it back out. I completely understand that sometimes a family does what needs to be done, but in my mind, if it came down to taking from her account, she should've been talked to right when it became necessary. You could've avoided this by simple making her aware that there was no way around it.

Quoting Anonymous:

child support is supposed to go toward the daily care of the child for whom it's paid for. I would have never let her on to the fact that you are saving it for her..Now she feels entitled to that money and you have to pay for the mistake. 

I really don't know what to tell you.

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malissaL
by Platinum Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:46 AM

dammit..I don't know how to quote anon..i'm blowing my cover..

what a shitty situation! she is going to resent you guys..oh, lord is she ever going to resent you. I would sit down with her and her dad and try like hell to smooth things over, let her know you had very good intentions and are sorry..I honestly have no idea what I would do in that situation. What a mess.. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Yea, I see that now. I made that mistake a few years back when she told me she wanted to go to UGA but she didn't think we could afford it. We thought if she had a real hope of being able to go, she would work hard for the grades so should could actually attend. It's worked, by now it's backfired.

Quoting Anonymous:

child support is supposed to go toward the daily care of the child for whom it's paid for. I would have never let her on to the fact that you are saving it for her..Now she feels entitled to that money and you have to pay for the mistake. 

I really don't know what to tell you.


Its my body and I'll do what I want to.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:46 AM

My SD did the same thing. She's currently pissed at us because her mom used the CRAZY amount of CS we give to them to buy her a car and all the necessary parts - which meant we can't afford to help my eldest bio get a car - but we've refused to give extra money to her for trips and things because her mom chooses to spend the CS on crazy stuff like expensive kitchen utensils, theme park trips, $100 dresses for her baby; and because we're helping my eldest settle into a place on her own. She even went to the point to drag my DD to a private area and start bitching out my parenting, my punishments, my reward system, and everything. As soon as DH heard about that, he told me that SD is no longer welcome in our house until she learns to respect that I live here and that I also have a right to help my daughter out with OUR money. But on the other hand though - SD's always known that everything we give their family in CS is everything we can afford to give them, and then some - until bio mom put the idea in her head that we should be breaking our backs to give her experiences that NONE of our kids have ever gotten - just because she doesn't get to see DH all that often - and now she's started demanding more and being more...rude...about it, DH has finally put his foot down.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:47 AM
We did. Like I said, we discussed taking money from the account but told her we would replace it before she needed it. Unfortunately when I was let go, we were hit again with more otoliths and forced to take more money. We can not yet replace it, but once I find another job, we will be able to atleast send her to college and slowly work on replacing the money so by the time she graduates, all the money (minus her college expenses, will be there.

Quoting Kaelaasmom:

 You never thought to discuss you taking her money before now? You have spent all this time planning things with her that are never going to happen. I'd be pissed too.

Kerannmer
by Gold Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:49 AM
2 moms liked this

If you have always let her think you were saving money for her, and you just now burst that bubble, then yes, I can understand her anger. You sould have been upfront with her when you started withdrawing from her savings account.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:51 AM
Things happen. She knew we were taking money out of her savings.

We still will be able to send her to college. She's just mad she won't be getting any of the extras she wanted.

Quoting embrigmom:

I don't blam her for being angery. You ethier shouldn't have told her you were putting all that money away for her and started making plans for it, or talked to her about using it before you started to use it.


I know what it feels like to think there is money being put away for you for something like college. My mother at one point had to use my college fund to move. It sucked but I got over it.

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