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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

normal for 12 yo boy to be too afraid to be alone at all?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies

my ss is 12.  He is being treated for anxitey.  He has a sister who is 16 mos older than he is that has always been held responsible for him.  She has to watch him, make sure he doesnt do things he shouldnt, if he gets in trouble its always her that is in trouble for 'letting' him do it. He has always been treated like he is 4...   NOW, he is anxious about everything that people expect of him.   IE doing homework, studing for tests, doing activities that are new etc...  but his mom, who by nature and profession, is a manager, always is making sure everything is done for him.

Now he is entering jr high and has to be alone in the morning between the time we all leave for work and the time the bus comes (one hour).  Mom is making a big deal about what we all are 'going to have planned for him'.  As in getting a sitter.  He is so scared to stay alone he wants a sitter.  His sister goes in early this yr so it will be the first time she isnt there.  My idea is to take the remainder of the summer and start leaving him for 10/15 minutes here and there to START giving him the coping skills he never has gotten up till now and hopefully have him ready at some point soon...   For the love of pete, he could be babysitting himself at this point!  Its not even about convience but more getting this child ready for LIFE!   No one has ever given him the skills to start being a LITTLE independent.   She is freaking out that he will be scared....   And by the way, we all get along and respect each other very well but its still awkward when there are things we disagree about.  The 2 steps and the 2 bio parents of these 2 kids have all always had and equal say and no one trumps another.  

DH (their dad) agrees with me and we've talked about it but she just cant get past that he isnt ready.  Well, he's not ready bc no one has ever LET him get ready!  

Should we just go with it and hope his sitter isnt in his class and the school doesnt end up making fun of him or do what we think and probably cause some waves??


ya know....  I might be totally screwing up the great 4 way parenting thing we have going, but I'm texting bm's husband (the sd) right now to tactfully talk about this between us.   his wife and my dh are more on the take care of him till he's 40 page and sd and I are a little more on the same page with this one.....  

This could go one way or the other!    *fingers crossed*

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:27 AM
He needs to toughen up a little or he will be eaten alive at school and in life. His sister has been his security blanket and he relies way too heavily on her. He has to learn to be more independent. That's not normal for a kid who is almost a teenager to be afraid of being alone for an hour during the day.
stephiebugg
by Gold Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:27 AM

 I'd go through with your plan of leaving him for short periods of time. Be sure he has everyone's cellphone numbers just in case, and tell him that when school comes around you'll be sure that his bookbag is packed and ready by the front door for him each day.
He's old enough to be alone for an hour before school.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:29 AM

I don't know maybe he sees things when he is alone.

km1970
by Platinum Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:31 AM

If he is being treated for anxiety, I would talk to his therapist to see what the best course of action would be to get him prepared for being alone. Your plan of having him alone for short periods of time seems reasonable, but you also want to make sure there is support with his therapist to help him become prepared.


Kaelaasmom
by Katie on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:31 AM

 I think your idea to start small and work your way up is a good one. If he isn't comfortable when school starts, perhaps he has a friend he can hang out with in the morning without it seeming like he has a babysitter.

CafeMom Tickers
6StarsOnly
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:33 AM

I'd start by giving him some alone time here and there. I'd suggest to him to occupy his time with an xbox or something else that will distract him while he is alone.

He can always have a phone nearby in case he gets scared.

My now 15 year old was like that at his age. He's outgrown that now though. lol.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:37 AM
How sad...his mom is putting these fears into his head. She's putting her own fears on to him because it sounds like she's too lazy to parent herself but also isn't ready to cut the cord. If he has a therapist I would talk to them about your best course of action. But I think your plan sounds like a good one but again would talk to his therapist or someone about it first.
bleumonster
by Ruby Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:37 AM
My son has a problem with being alone when its dark. He is fine in the daylight but when its dark, even early in the morning, he is scared. He's 11. Is there a neighbor he could go over to until the bus comes? Oh and I agree that you need to start giving him those coping skills but maybe have a neighbor (maybe one with younger kids) as a backup. If he's being treated for anxiety then he may not be able to help his reactions.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:38 AM

thats good to know that yours was like that too and is fine now....    

we left him ONCE in his life so far...  he had a half day and school and my sil was coming over to get him and got stuck in traffic.  He walked in the door, put a bagel in the toaster, heard a noise....  and walked right back out of the house and called sil to 'get here NOW'.  Waited in the driveway for her......  *sigh*

Quoting 6StarsOnly:

I'd start by giving him some alone time here and there. I'd suggest to him to occupy his time with an xbox or something else that will distract him while he is alone.

He can always have a phone nearby in case he gets scared.

My now 15 year old was like that at his age. He's outgrown that now though. lol.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:44 AM

there are neighbors for her I think, but we live in a small neighborhood with mostly older people.  Thing about the anxiety is....  I think its been created from his environment and not something that he just has.   It doesn't affect all his situations, just new things....   something he knows or feels comfortable, he's fine...    That's the other thing.  He takes a handful of pills every day and if its just therapy he (WE) need, I'd love to see him not taking unnecessary meds.  thats another post though!  lol

Quoting bleumonster:

My son has a problem with being alone when its dark. He is fine in the daylight but when its dark, even early in the morning, he is scared. He's 11. Is there a neighbor he could go over to until the bus comes? Oh and I agree that you need to start giving him those coping skills but maybe have a neighbor (maybe one with younger kids) as a backup. If he's being treated for anxiety then he may not be able to help his reactions.


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